AsylumSeeker
Member
Hey my Name is Lukas, I'm 25 and new to this website. I have registered because I'm dealing with this **** I'm stuck with alone for way too long, and I'm asking you guys for mutual assistance. Before I tell you my idea how to overcome this I want to tell you right quick what “this ****” is.
I have been dealing with an inferiority complex because of my looks as long as I can think back. This complex together with happenings in my youth (some bullying, father alcohol addict etc.) have made me an overly quiet overly serious person. I have unlearned to laugh, don’t see the funny side in anything and have serious problems to talk more than 10 minutes with anybody (including friends). In short I have developed an image of myself as a completely boring person. Because of that image I have big anxieties to expose myself to other people, because I think nobody deserves to have to deal with that boring guy that is me.
I think everybody with SA has a problem like this, a side of him/herself that one does not want to expose to other people, because others could judge one because of that. The point is, we don’t have to feel/think like that. The self images we have about ourselves are wrong; we just focus our negative sides and totally neglect our positive sides. Let’s turn this around. Since our past has created our self images, let’s just change the past.
My idea is to make up a completely changed past. Let’s create a past in the form of stories, images and mind clips in which we had all the characteristics we would like to have, in which we acted completely without anxiety, in which we reacted to situations as we would like to react in future. Stories in which we were popular, in which we felt great, in which we dated the persons we always wanted to etc. Let’s create a past in which have never developed our negative behaviors/ anxieties but in which we have everything in us that we think we miss now.
I’m not a psychologist and I have no clue whether this method works, but from what I have learned in the last 12 years (at least) from all the self help books and websites, our mind can’t differentiate between what really happened and what we are just imagining. So if we imagine that we have never learned what we consider to be our shortcomings, and act as if we were popular, confident and what not, our sub consciousness should sooner or later has to start to believe and to adapt our way of thinking and behaving. Remember: nobody of us had all those anxieties and low self esteem etc. when we were children, we have LEARNED all our anxieties, so there must be a way how we can unlearn them as well.
I want to find a couple of people here, who do this with me. My idea is to post a story of our glorious pasts at least every second day. I’ve read just one tread in this forum (written by Shield, very good thread by the way) which explains the 6 reasons why people with SA rarely change. One is that people are not persistent enough in working towards change or how Shield says it :”They don't stick to a plan of action.“Looking at myself I can very much agree on that. This is the reason why I seek your help. Let’s do it together, control each other and get through.
So if anybody wants to join or just comment on the article, whether agreeing or disagreeing with my method, please post your comments.
Regards
Seeker
I have been dealing with an inferiority complex because of my looks as long as I can think back. This complex together with happenings in my youth (some bullying, father alcohol addict etc.) have made me an overly quiet overly serious person. I have unlearned to laugh, don’t see the funny side in anything and have serious problems to talk more than 10 minutes with anybody (including friends). In short I have developed an image of myself as a completely boring person. Because of that image I have big anxieties to expose myself to other people, because I think nobody deserves to have to deal with that boring guy that is me.
I think everybody with SA has a problem like this, a side of him/herself that one does not want to expose to other people, because others could judge one because of that. The point is, we don’t have to feel/think like that. The self images we have about ourselves are wrong; we just focus our negative sides and totally neglect our positive sides. Let’s turn this around. Since our past has created our self images, let’s just change the past.
My idea is to make up a completely changed past. Let’s create a past in the form of stories, images and mind clips in which we had all the characteristics we would like to have, in which we acted completely without anxiety, in which we reacted to situations as we would like to react in future. Stories in which we were popular, in which we felt great, in which we dated the persons we always wanted to etc. Let’s create a past in which have never developed our negative behaviors/ anxieties but in which we have everything in us that we think we miss now.
I’m not a psychologist and I have no clue whether this method works, but from what I have learned in the last 12 years (at least) from all the self help books and websites, our mind can’t differentiate between what really happened and what we are just imagining. So if we imagine that we have never learned what we consider to be our shortcomings, and act as if we were popular, confident and what not, our sub consciousness should sooner or later has to start to believe and to adapt our way of thinking and behaving. Remember: nobody of us had all those anxieties and low self esteem etc. when we were children, we have LEARNED all our anxieties, so there must be a way how we can unlearn them as well.
I want to find a couple of people here, who do this with me. My idea is to post a story of our glorious pasts at least every second day. I’ve read just one tread in this forum (written by Shield, very good thread by the way) which explains the 6 reasons why people with SA rarely change. One is that people are not persistent enough in working towards change or how Shield says it :”They don't stick to a plan of action.“Looking at myself I can very much agree on that. This is the reason why I seek your help. Let’s do it together, control each other and get through.
So if anybody wants to join or just comment on the article, whether agreeing or disagreeing with my method, please post your comments.
Regards
Seeker