Conversations are hard.

[PinkBangle]

Hi everyone,

Who would have thought that having a simple conversation with somebody could be so difficult. It's more than just knowing what to say, its also a lot of non verbal stuff such as your timing the way you stand the expression on your face...its just too overwhelming for me.
It frustrates me when I see other people do it so effortlessly and here I am like a big baby struggling to put a few worlds together and keep my composure.
When I analyse other peoples conversations most of the time they talk about nothing serious its just everyday normal stuff...but thats something I can't do, I don't know how to talk about normal stuff my speech never flows its everywhere...its embarrasing.
Something I have also noticed is that I find it very difficult to talk about myself... If I am asked a question I give a short answer and quickly ask the other person a question about themself. So all of the time I listen to what other people have to say about their lives because I dont know how to talk about mine. I dont know how to describe events in interesting ways and I'm not funny or charming or witty.

It would be great if I could get some tips about having conversations and about how to talk about my life.

Oh My God I just realised something. Recently I went on a holiday with my husband and when I came back nobody in my family even asked me how my trip was or what I did.

 

[Day_Tripper]

Hi everyone,

Who would have thought that having a simple conversation with somebody could be so difficult. It's more than just knowing what to say, its also a lot of non verbal stuff such as your timing the way you stand the expression on your face...its just too overwhelming for me.
It frustrates me when I see other people do it so effortlessly and here I am like a big baby struggling to put a few worlds together and keep my composure.
When I analyse other peoples conversations most of the time they talk about nothing serious its just everyday normal stuff...but thats something I can't do, I don't know how to talk about normal stuff my speech never flows its everywhere...its embarrasing.
Something I have also noticed is that I find it very difficult to talk about myself... If I am asked a question I give a short answer and quickly ask the other person a question about themself. So all of the time I listen to what other people have to say about their lives because I dont know how to talk about mine. I dont know how to describe events in interesting ways and I'm not funny or charming or witty.

It would be great if I could get some tips about having conversations and about how to talk about my life.

Oh My God I just realised something. Recently I went on a holiday with my husband and when I came back nobody in my family even asked me how my trip was or what I did.

Well you must have mastered conversation to some degree, after all you are married. :lol:

 

[PinkBangle]

Yes I am married...but my marriage was arranged so I didn't go through the whole process of having to meet someone and go out with them and develop a relationship. We were just married and had to get along.
Lucky for me he turned out to be a nice guy.

 

[miss_amy]

I found practising with people who know your problems a good way to help.

I panic about talking to people but when it comes down to it I do OK. I walk around with my mind saying, please don't talk to me when people are around. I hardly ever start a conversation. And like you I don't tend to talk about myself. I feel like they won't be interested. If they ask me too much I feel wooow back off! I don't ask people about them either, feel like I'm being nosey....so generally I just listen. That's the easiest, just let the gobby ones talk and keep nodding!

 

[recluse]

I have the same problem, but with confident people because they intimidate me and i feel that the really extroverted people get impatient whenever there's an awkward silence. I feel relaxed in the company of introverts really, people who have a similar personality to mine. Recently i met an online friend for the the first time and i was amazed at how relaxed i was in her company, and i'm usually terrified of women! It's because she is a deep thinker like me and i don't feel the need to keep up with her, unlike conversations with really talkative people which quite frankly wears me out.

 

[dsylar2887]

im the same way. its so difficult for me to have a conversation with people. whats worse is that my partner is very social and goes to parties and gatherings without me cuz i wont go. the idea of having to talk to people makes me anxious.

i guess i dont know how to have bs convo with people and the only time im talkative is when i drink. i guess i become more relaxed.

 

[livingnsilence]

I normally have trouble thinking of things to say and normally just listen but some topics I can talk quite a bit on. Most the time I just listen to the convo and rarely contribute. I tend to like really extroverted people that are really random b/c they tend to think of the best topics to talk about and never let there be awkward silences and I can't stand awkward silences.

i guess i dont know how to have bs convo with people and the only time im talkative is when i drink. i guess i become more relaxed.

me too, I'm the polar opposite of my usual self when I drink.

 

[ghostpicnic]

Hi everyone,

Who would have thought that having a simple conversation with somebody could be so difficult. It's more than just knowing what to say, its also a lot of non verbal stuff such as your timing the way you stand the expression on your face...its just too overwhelming for me.
It frustrates me when I see other people do it so effortlessly and here I am like a big baby struggling to put a few worlds together and keep my composure.
When I analyse other peoples conversations most of the time they talk about nothing serious its just everyday normal stuff...but thats something I can't do, I don't know how to talk about normal stuff my speech never flows its everywhere...its embarrasing.
Something I have also noticed is that I find it very difficult to talk about myself... If I am asked a question I give a short answer and quickly ask the other person a question about themself. So all of the time I listen to what other people have to say about their lives because I dont know how to talk about mine. I dont know how to describe events in interesting ways and I'm not funny or charming or witty.

It would be great if I could get some tips about having conversations and about how to talk about my life.

Oh My God I just realised something. Recently I went on a holiday with my husband and when I came back nobody in my family even asked me how my trip was or what I did.

Hey there. I feel the same way... with certain kinds of people.
In my opinion, it is actually kind of hard to talk casually with people you don't know.
I believe when getting to know someone, both sides exchange subconsciously (or consciously) of what they're willing to tolerate, not tolerate and what they like about the other. I think when you are preoccupied with being anxious about the situation, the other person is left with someone unwilling to participate in this exchange.

So after the initial socializing processes, I feel one would have easier time with the casual talking now that there are mutual understandings for each other.
If you feel as if you really don't know what to talk about, I think what would make you feel at ease is to know that you should talk about very simple, general, random/things with a stranger, since you have to start somewhere to figure out how this socializing is going to end up. Be yourself and see where you two "synchronize", try to synchronize and feel for mutual understandings. Then I believe both of you will feel comfortable with each other and have sound expectations of the other... evident in the casual conversations and how they are not anxious of what they might expect from the other.
I think what might discourage you or others in an anxious situation is... trying too hard and finding boredom in the other. This is where I think mutual understanding is necessary... if you notice the other person doesn't really care, you shouldn't either. It would have nothing to do with you in my opinion... some people just don't care lol.

I feel one would have to exert themselves on those initial exchanges... to show their intentions and to give the other the incentives that he/she acknowledges them.

I think for some social groups, there are more one sided exchanges going on. I think the one I mentioned is a more mature and tolerant group. Some others might require you to have same interest (other than the sole interest of socializing), a certain way of speech, and certain protocols.
I recognize certain social groups where I wouldn't have much to say... I would try, but I can tell the exchanges would be awkward and unequal.

On the bright side, think of how hard it seems for an autistic person to perform like a "normal" person (I read about how some autistic people are so good that, you can't even tell they are autistic).

About talking about yourself... maybe if you didn't feel the need to make it witty or entertaining, then it might be easier? When I talk about mine, I think I do it in a bland way and find it sufficient. The other person usually inquires about it further.

 

[friend807]

VERY INTERESTED

i want to admitt that human being is unique and the internet is the religion of modern life
all what u said is definitely happening to me
i feel we are all similar to each other