Considered selfish

[GIOLANDA]

Have you been considered selfish by others,due to social avoidance? I'm just like that. I can't make friends,I avoid them,especially when they want to eat together,or have fun. At my church,we have a day every week where young ppl meet,I go there too. We discuss subjects from the Bible and I'm not anxious about that. But when sometimes they get ready to eat sth,I disappear. I leave so quietly,they don't even understand it and then they wonder,"where did she go"? Now they know that I leave,but they all think I'm selfish and don't want their company. This makes me feel sad,I'm not selfish,it's just SA,but they don't know this. Sometimes,I think it's better for them to think I'm selfish than know the truth,as they wouldn't understand.

 

[crazydiamond]

I know what you mean. Sometimes I would rather have people think that I'm forgetful than know the truth. For example: recently my mom needed me to talk to my manager at work to get a day off coming up for something. I put off talking to him for as long as possible and every time my mom asked about it i told her that i forgot to talk to him. I cant every tell my own mom the truth...

 

[crescent]

I know I'm exactly like you. I went to Bible study and I'm okay with the discussion though I don't talk much also, but when they start to have gathering, eating, or whatever, I excuse myself. Well, I don't know what they think about me, but maybe just don't bother. I just think if I don't join, nobody is going to have anything to lose. This is true because I'm not that type of bubbly and nice person who is fun to be with and who is going to be missed. And I'm not sad of that fact. I don't think God is offended by this cause He knows us very well, He knows what we are going through and I believe He undestands.

 

[Jack-B]

Giolanda,

I am a Buddhist who attends teachings where many others gather.

There are discussions and paired talks, i used to hate this as i just wanted to avoid the whole thing. I used to mumble through it and be flooded by shaky fear, like a tidal wave drowning me. I have learnt however that most people actually feel the same or are dealing with some sort of anxiety or worry etc. So i let them know how i felt and the anxiety actually dissappears. Its the holding on to "what they think about me" that creates so much of the fear. Its like riding a rollercoaster knowing everything will be alright at the end of the ride. We put so much energy into not letting others know how we really feel because we are afraid of how they will react however most of them feel exactly the same.

Besides it doesnt matter if they think you are selfish, which they probably really dont. Ask and you will see how much love people have for you.

People dont really know you because you wont let them, this is how i used to live my life, its not your fault and its not easy either but it gets better.

Do you ever wonder that God hasn't actually manifested all of this for you to overcome all your worst fears? He is in everyone, so he is in those who you think see you as selfish. I feel that he is more with you than you realise.

Jack