JJB
Active member
Hello,
So I'm looking for some useful advice on a few matters I've struggled with for many years now. I'm 23, and have lived with rheumatoid arthritis for 12 years. Had issues with aching joints and such ever since I was small, but it wasn't until I was 11 that I was finally diagnosed. Why do I mention this? Because it's important.
First off I'm someone who as almost no self-confidence or self-esteem. I blame some of this on having to deal with RA for so many years. It took a full year for me to be diagnosed and in that year I had what I would call 'dark spells' that still affect me now. It's difficult to describe emotions in a way others can understand, I'm sure many people know how that feels on here. But that really shook up my mental well-being and effects me to this day. I find it immensely difficult to be positive about myself or things in general, and while I want to be positive about things there's always something that hits me and brings negative thoughts back into my mind. I have suffered with spells of depression, which have often been set off by flare-ups of my condition and other external things such as watching the news or other such stuff, sadly depression is a common issue with chronic medical conditions like arthritis. A few months back I saw a psychotherapist to help me cope with the chronic pain after I had a sort of panic/anger attack that left me in a bit of an emotional mess. While the appointments were useful, I was never truly open with her about the real issues I had. I find it difficult to do so, even my family don't know I have suffered from depression and have done a good job of hiding it. Despite living with it for 12 years, I've never coped with RA well at all and I wasn't handling life to well either.
The psychotherapist reckoned that a mixture of emotional issues were causing a bad cycle of thought. I'm generally quite sensitive about things, I'm a perfectionist so am never happy or proud with anything I do or accomplish and I often have the belief that whatever I do create, someone as done a better version then I. There are other factors to, but it would probably be a rather long list. Most of this is about coping with what life throws at you, while also dealing with the difficulties of RA. Due to physical limitations I face, I struggle to get about and I dangerously continue to compare myself to fully able bodied people when deep down I know it's not my fault that I have RA.
Interestingly while seeing the psychotherapist I took a test, at the time I wasn't sure what it was about. She informed me I was a very introverted person, now I literally at to look that up after she explained that to me and that helped explain some of my characteristics. But I'm looking to build more self-confidence and self-esteem. I worry constantly, even about things that aren't even related to me. That's one of the reasons I no longer watch the News, it's odd I know but watching News coverage use to always get me down and was a common trigger that set off spells of depression. I've had other issues that have been of great concern. One such problem as been suicial ideation. This as only occured when suffering from spells of depression but again, have never done anything to try to battle it when it does hit. I'm not entirely sure if this is how most people who lack confidence or esteem react, but a common trait that occurs in me is a heavy weight or hole in my chest. Thought I'd mention that as it might be helpful for someone.
Not sure what else I can add, though I've probably forgotten half of what I was going to write and what I have written is an absolute mess... emotions are a mess and that shows itself in typing form
. I'm looking for advice from anyone who may be in a similar situation as I. I've looked endlessly on the web but most of it is garbage to be honest. Wondering if there are great places to start or techniques that might be useful. Happily look at any that might be of help or general advice.
Thanks, it's much appreciated.
Joseph.
So I'm looking for some useful advice on a few matters I've struggled with for many years now. I'm 23, and have lived with rheumatoid arthritis for 12 years. Had issues with aching joints and such ever since I was small, but it wasn't until I was 11 that I was finally diagnosed. Why do I mention this? Because it's important.
First off I'm someone who as almost no self-confidence or self-esteem. I blame some of this on having to deal with RA for so many years. It took a full year for me to be diagnosed and in that year I had what I would call 'dark spells' that still affect me now. It's difficult to describe emotions in a way others can understand, I'm sure many people know how that feels on here. But that really shook up my mental well-being and effects me to this day. I find it immensely difficult to be positive about myself or things in general, and while I want to be positive about things there's always something that hits me and brings negative thoughts back into my mind. I have suffered with spells of depression, which have often been set off by flare-ups of my condition and other external things such as watching the news or other such stuff, sadly depression is a common issue with chronic medical conditions like arthritis. A few months back I saw a psychotherapist to help me cope with the chronic pain after I had a sort of panic/anger attack that left me in a bit of an emotional mess. While the appointments were useful, I was never truly open with her about the real issues I had. I find it difficult to do so, even my family don't know I have suffered from depression and have done a good job of hiding it. Despite living with it for 12 years, I've never coped with RA well at all and I wasn't handling life to well either.
The psychotherapist reckoned that a mixture of emotional issues were causing a bad cycle of thought. I'm generally quite sensitive about things, I'm a perfectionist so am never happy or proud with anything I do or accomplish and I often have the belief that whatever I do create, someone as done a better version then I. There are other factors to, but it would probably be a rather long list. Most of this is about coping with what life throws at you, while also dealing with the difficulties of RA. Due to physical limitations I face, I struggle to get about and I dangerously continue to compare myself to fully able bodied people when deep down I know it's not my fault that I have RA.
Interestingly while seeing the psychotherapist I took a test, at the time I wasn't sure what it was about. She informed me I was a very introverted person, now I literally at to look that up after she explained that to me and that helped explain some of my characteristics. But I'm looking to build more self-confidence and self-esteem. I worry constantly, even about things that aren't even related to me. That's one of the reasons I no longer watch the News, it's odd I know but watching News coverage use to always get me down and was a common trigger that set off spells of depression. I've had other issues that have been of great concern. One such problem as been suicial ideation. This as only occured when suffering from spells of depression but again, have never done anything to try to battle it when it does hit. I'm not entirely sure if this is how most people who lack confidence or esteem react, but a common trait that occurs in me is a heavy weight or hole in my chest. Thought I'd mention that as it might be helpful for someone.
Not sure what else I can add, though I've probably forgotten half of what I was going to write and what I have written is an absolute mess... emotions are a mess and that shows itself in typing form
. I'm looking for advice from anyone who may be in a similar situation as I. I've looked endlessly on the web but most of it is garbage to be honest. Wondering if there are great places to start or techniques that might be useful. Happily look at any that might be of help or general advice. Thanks, it's much appreciated.
Joseph.