Compensating people around you for your anxiety?

[SilentAndShy]

Hi,

I've explained to my wife about my anxiety and when it flares up specifically and even though it has been good to share, I still feel there's no-one who really gets me and my struggle.

This has affected her and my children and continues to - it seems - very regularly when every other week some anxiety (whether it's about driving, social situations or feeling unknowledgeable about something which leads to more thoughts and anxiety) envelopes me and I take it out on them in some way before apologising and it flares up in another week or two.

She says that I should take action to limit the impact on them, but what? She's suggested sleeping downstairs which I agree with or I thought perhaps putting some money aside to give to her or us to do as a family, something nice when everything is okay. Also I said I will try to write the anxiety incident or moment on my phone, sleep on it, look at it the next day and decide if it's worth getting worried about (thought about this before but never actioned it as the anxiety is so much I can't think of anything other than worry or stress)

I feel like I should do this as to compensate for being a miserable sod most of the time but are there any other things I could do to help my anxiety and lessen the impact on people around me?

Thanks

 

[Phoenixx]

Reading your past posts, are you currently seeing a therapist of any kind? If not, I think if possible you should seek some professional help and maybe even get your wife involved too, go with you to a session or two, to get to the bottom of your worries and figure out techniques that will help the both of you and your family. Perhaps even point you in the direction of the right medication if it comes down to that. Just reading your previous posts, I feel like there is more here than just generalized anxiety/SA and getting around it with journaling techniques.

That isn't to say journaling isn't a good approach. I think journaling your worries and feelings and thoughts around a triggering situation is a good way to get perspective of what exactly it is making you anxious. Even better, following up the record of what happened and how you felt after the situation or action is performed can help frame your mindset into what to expect next time and eventually train yourself that, "Hey, I may be nervous but I can do this!"

I'm not trying to say this is a simple and easy approach, because it isn't. It's a lot of work and even I can't bring myself to do this all the time. I often have trouble reminding myself that yes, I can do the thing and I'll be fine.

I really wish I had more advice for you. I hope you're able to find an approach that works so you can enjoy your life with your family more!

 

[PugofCrydee]

I agree with Phoenixx. It sounds like you need some help from someone who is an expert in SA. Your family is your bedrock, your foundation.
Your family taking 'collateral damage' from your SA isn't fair on them. It can ruin your family if you let it. You might think things are hard now while you have a family unit? Try coping when you've lost them, when you're alone. It's a much darker world to be in, believe me I've been there.
You need to seek professional help not just for yourself, but for your wife and children. They NEED you.

I'm not trying to sound harsh but look at what you are at risk of losing. If you think it'd be better if you were alone to deal with it all, then let me tell you it won't be. And that's why you need to fight. For you, your peace of mind, your wife and her love for you, and for the irreplaceable position you hold in your children's eyes, their Father...Dad.
So if getting professional help makes you feel anxious & uncomfortable, then you need to take that first step and seek that help out and just deal with it. You CAN find a path back to being a happier person within yourself, or at the very least learn coping strategies.