Comparing Yourself

[shy_miss_fly]

Does anyone Compare themselves with other people. I do it constantly with my friends and other people. But mostly its with my friends, which is one reason why I have none. I always think people are better then me or too good for me. Sometimes I never feel wanted or welcomed. Like if Im hanging out with some people, I'll think in my head, they dont really want me here. Does anyone else experience this?

 

[DazedNConfused]

Does anyone Compare themselves with other people. I do it constantly with my friends and other people. But mostly its with my friends, which is one reason why I have none. I always think people are better then me or too good for me. Sometimes I never feel wanted or welcomed. Like if Im hanging out with some people, I'll think in my head, they dont really want me here. Does anyone else experience this?

I do it all the time, and it's only natural to do so. When you use it to beat yourself up is when it becomes unhealthy. What I try to do (but fail sometimes...) is reason it out logically, really think about whether what they have that I dont is really that important, and if it is, why does he have that and what do I have to do to get it (instead of going into the land of depression)? Whether it be love, respect, or whatever.

Hope this helps, i'm still trying to figure out how to deal with these things, so I definately know how you feel

 

[MaGuS]

this quote is exactly how I feel now a days:

"sometimes your ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end it is only with yourself. "

develope this attitude & your be much happier.

shy_miss_fly about the feeling unwanted/unwelcome, I think if your just pretend that your wanted and likeable and friendly and important, that will be exactly how people will begin to view you!

 

[justsomebloke25]

Yeah I constantly feel like people don't want me around or at least wouldn't miss me if I weren't there.

I only have a couple of friends and I even find myself wondering why they want to be friends with me as I feel like I don't have anything to offer them as I'm not funny or interesting. I even think it in the middle of conversation sometimes when haven't said anything for a while.

 

[SaharaWorld]

I don't think that I compare myself, but I do know that I am afraid of others comparing me. I have been compared to others since I was little and its left me afraid of being myself because I never feel myself as being good enough.

Me too. Having a sister who is unbelievably intelligent, full of confidence and also STUNNING to look at, didn't do anything to help my self-esteem at all when I was growing up. It was difficult competing with her because I'd generally end up losing. Esp. when relatives, teachers and family friends would go on and on and on about how wonderful she is and how my parents would comment that she is the 'model daughter'.

I'd always be thinking 'well, what about me?? Am I invisible!??"

 

[shy_miss_fly]

Having a sister who is unbelievably intelligent, full of confidence and also STUNNING to look at, didn't do anything to help my self-esteem at all when I was growing up.

I couldnt even imagine having a sister. If i did, I would probaly be constantly comparing myself and be very unhappy. Im lucky I only have an older brother. lol

 

[allanboy]

Shit, like, one and 2 years ago, i´d compare myself with everyone, and see which area i was better than them, or if i had someone EXACTLY like me. Only advice i give you, stop it. It´s a nasty habit. Clear your mind of people´s appearance and thoughts. Too damn tiring.

 

[DazedNConfused]

I don't think that I compare myself, but I do know that I am afraid of others comparing me. I have been compared to others since I was little and its left me afraid of being myself because I never feel myself as being good enough.

Me too. Having a sister who is unbelievably intelligent, full of confidence and also STUNNING to look at, didn't do anything to help my self-esteem at all when I was growing up. It was difficult competing with her because I'd generally end up losing. Esp. when relatives, teachers and family friends would go on and on and on about how wonderful she is and how my parents would comment that she is the 'model daughter'.

I'd always be thinking 'well, what about me?? Am I invisible!??"

That sounds like it must have been very difficult to deal with. I have a friend who was in that situation, but with brothers, they all "made it" in life (one is a doctor), and he was always wanting to do music for a living (get into a band or something like that, he was the creative one in his family), so his parents constantly put him down, comparing him to his brothers. To make it worse, the brothers themselves would always hit and torment him. Now they are wondering why he is all fucked up and can't hold down a job, get a girlfriend thats not a stripper, move out on his own, ect.... It really pisses me off when I hear about the shit they say to him, they just make him worse.

 

[Richey]

Yeah! my friend at work just charms the pants off everyone he meets. He is also very good looking. I wish i could be in his shoes for one day. To see what its like.

 

[KeepTheFaith01]

i do this VERY much so. so much infact that it even affetcs my ability to post on social phobia websites wher i know other people have the same problems as i do :\. It's as though i'm constantly putting obstacles in the way that stop me feeling at ease AT ALL, such as 'everybody i talk to has at least a couple of other people they'd rather talk to. the only people i could possibly feel totally at ease with have to be exactly equal to me, but how likely is that?'. It's a very complex horrible thing, and i wish that i could be given some stradegies which would help me shake it off, as im sure you lot do :? :roll:

 

[Nytro]

I like your response allanboy Ive have that too, its better top just stop thinking that way all together.

 

[Angie_05]

I do compare myself to others a lot. People are always either better or worse than me. I've been trying to think differently about people lately, and I'm recognizing things in them that I wouldn't have before. "Perfect" people aren't so perfect, and "bad" people aren't so bad.

I was also compared to my older stepsister a lot when I was younger. I watched family swoon over her for her popularity, grades, extracurriculars, romantic life, and college plans. Turns out she became an alcoholic and her future plans didn't work out. She now dates losers who beat her up and has few friends. She calls on all of us when she needs help with things.

I decided that if I have a child, I will be proud of them no matter what they do. I will try to encourage them to make the best of their potential, but if they fail at something I will not criticize them the way people in my family are criticized for things. Every person is imperfect, and deserves love no matter what.

 

[sickofbeinglonely]

I've spent years doing this.

 

[spikefan777]

I always think people are better then me or too good for me. Sometimes I never feel wanted or welcomed. Like if Im hanging out with some people, I'll think in my head, they dont really want me here. Does anyone else experience this?

I do all the time. I don't even understand why my friends would want to hang out with me. I have like nothing to offer them.

 

[renegade]

Shit, like, one and 2 years ago, i´d compare myself with everyone, and see which area i was better than them, or if i had someone EXACTLY like me. Only advice i give you, stop it. It´s a nasty habit. Clear your mind of people´s appearance and thoughts. Too damn tiring.

Allanboy, how did you succed in doing that ?

I try to do the same thing, I tell myself this kind of thoughts are not rational or true, I tell myself that others aren't better than me, I see that every day and my mind can't belive it.

I'm invaded and controlled by this thoughts that tell me that i'm a loser and people hate me and consider me a freak and i try to get them out and ignore them, but it's too dificult for me to do that.

Any ideas ? It's like this wrong information stored stored in my brain is read only and I can't overwrite it. :x

shy_miss_flyI always think people are better then me or too good for me. Sometimes I never feel wanted or welcomed. Like if Im hanging out with some people, I'll think in my head, they dont really want me here. Does anyone else experience this?

I experince this everyday, and I know that i'm wrong, but I act acording to this and is sure looks strange for the others. It looks like I don't like them either.

I don't even understand why my friends would want to hang out with me

Well, I think because they enjoy being with you ? Be happy about it, I would like to have someone to hang out with, but I don't.

 

[spikefan777]

Well, I think because they enjoy being with you ? Be happy about it, I would like to have someone to hang out with, but I don't.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful or anything.

 

[Nytro]

If you want to stop thinking in that way do thought stoppage, eveytime you notice your leading in that direction try and distract yourself by thinking something else, or you can all so pinch yourself for everytime you do think in that way. Same goes for anxiety.

 

[allanboy]

Yeah, relax about things, thats the general rule here. Live your life like a reggae song. It´s difficult but have a clean mind all the time. Focus on some kind of hobbie that keeps you occupied(CnC Generals, strategy game for me). Listen to music, helps A lot.
But i think, most of everything here, build self-confidence. Be selfish, proud. Look in the mirror, try some clothe, some kind of look that you think you good in. Find physical and mental points that you value(and hate) in yourself and accept em. That´s what differs you from other people, your most important thing in this world, greater even than friends or family.

Well, i really have trouble putting things that are in mind into paper but, if this helps anyone(i know it just helped me) you´re welcome