[color=red]HOLY COW! I NEED [b]HELP[/b] NOW!!![/color]

[Fighter86]

Ok, here we go...This is my third attempt at a tietiary education & due to my SA, I cannot go to school. :? I couldn't sit through lectures, tutorials etc.


When I left my 2nd school & told my parents it was because I was afraid of the people disliking me, I was so frightented that I didn't dare go to school(though they couldn't cause me any physical harm), my mum was like 'what the heck is her problem?' , while my dad thought I was making this all up simply because I didn't want to go to school. :roll:


Now this will have to be the 2nd time that I am going to tell them this, & I have to do it very soon because either 1 of them WILL have to meet with the school deputy director & I am going to face deferment or withdrawal.


What should I do & HOW AM I GOING TO TELL THEM? They will think I am trying to get off school again cause I am not interested :!: They simply don't understand...PLEASE people out there, reply...I have to be in school with my parent next week...

 

[IcanDoIt]

maybe you could google "Social Anxiety Disorder" and show it to the parents..

dont just sayyou dont want to go to school cos you are afraid people dislike you..

 

[Fighter86]

I did try to describe my fears to them..

They arn't exactly well educated & cant read English well, so the info might not be useful to them....

Besides, my dad thinks the internet is crap sometimes- & teaches all sorts of rubbish..

I know that u r giving me all sorts of options & I seem to be shooting all of them down.(I told you this same problem on another thread & u have given me plenty of good advice) I am really sorry- I am really confused & not sure wat to do...pls forgive me...

 

[Nightshade]

I agree with IcanDoIt, find a good description of social anxiety disorder/ social phobia that explains what it is and why it usually doesn't go away by itself or by people telling you to pull yourself together.

Even better would be to get some professional help, get a health professional who will back you up so they understand that this is not just you making it all up and being unreasonable (and get you some treatment, as I am guessing from what you say that you aren't getting professional help with your anxiety problem).

This may not apply if you are already getting treatment, but it may be that with some treatment that you might even be able to continue with your study this time, maybe part time so you don't have so much pressure initially or whatever.

I guess what I'm getting at is thatif you want to convince your parents and school that you have a genuine problem rather than that you are lazy and trying to get out of studying, the most convincing way to show that is by being serious about treating, and getting over, your problem. I'm quite positive about the benefits of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and I got good results working from a CBT book and having sessions with a psychologist. It isn't easy and I have a lot of work to go, but I feel heaps better after about 7 months.

Good luck.

 

[Fighter86]

I have been in therapy a couple of months. Seen a phycologist and am working with CBT.

But I just can't seem to get past the part about people disliking me- they show it by the way they look at me, the way they give each other a secret smile when I walk past(they are laughing at me, not with me).

Yes, I know, I cant control their reaction to me, but I can control my reaction to them. My therapist always ask why am I so bothered? I shouldn't be...

I seem to be making not too bad progress if I am interacting with people who are ok with me, but when I have to do it with people who dislike me, I simply cant do it...Its so bad that I cant even be in the same room as them...

 

[Nightshade]

I really hate it when people don't like me as well. When I get criticised or even people are grumpy with me it is like physical pain sometimes, although most people don't know because I'm very good at hiding it. But it is something that is inevitable.

I had a couple of things that I just couldn't get past. The psychologist said that I was overestimating how bad certain things would be if they happened, but I remained convinced that actually they were as bad as I thought.

I told the psychologist and she told me that that was quite reasonable that I still had trouble with these things after a couple of months of therapy, because it takes some time to get past these problems, particularly when they are very entrenched (I had social phobia for something like 15 years before I knew what it was or I was diagnosed). In the meantime she said I should keep writing out that "no, it wouldn't be the end of the world if this happened" and carrying on trying to work on things as if I believed these things.

So for example, she kept telling me that people often wouldn't notice that I was blushing even though I was sure that everybody within a 100 metre radius probably noticed. I just didn't believe her. I notice when people blush because I am so afraid of it in myself. So I was sure others would. But I kept telling myself "they probably didn't even notice" even though I was sure it was a lie.

To this day, I'm not sure who was actually right, but I feel less anxious believing that people often don't notice, and because I'm less anxious about it, I blush less, and the whole question becomes rather irrelevant.

A friend of mine has a badge that says "better living through denial". It's a joke, but there is some truth in there. Trust the psychologist. Say to yourself "it really doesn't matter if some people don't like me" for a while (or write it out in big letters or whatever) and just see what happens.

Well, that helped me anyway.

 

[IcanDoIt]

I
So for example, she kept telling me that people often wouldn't notice that I was blushing even though I was sure that everybody within a 100 metre radius probably noticed. I just didn't believe her. I notice when people blush because I am so afraid of it in myself. So I was sure others would. But I kept telling myself "they probably didn't even notice" even though I was sure it was a lie.

exactly, i have also met a fellow SAer, and the first time we met, he told me he did not even see any anxiety in me, although i told him i was nervous to the max..

 

[IcanDoIt]

u are not encouraging her to self mutilate are'nt you!:wink:

okok..

here's another one..

just force yourself through it...like Sam Horn, the motivational speaker has said, even if you are too scared..

i know it feels like you are going to explode, but this is the only advice i can give you..

just sit down on the chair no matter what happens, trust me, no one will ever not like you unless your attitude sucks..which, i believe is not, in your case..

i think its just a case of people thinking "O, she's weird"

its not that they dont like you..

 

[Fighter86]

Well, if I did shredded myself with a pen knief or something, I think my parents will think I am trying to get attention or something...My parents CAN be this starborn... :roll: but really, I cannot be 100% sure their response cause I haven actually been in that position...


Yeah, Nightshade & Icandoit might be rite...muz practise positive thinking & face my fears 2 overcome it...even my brother says dat...


But I am afraid I don have that kind of energy, at least not now..arrrggg... so confused...

 

[IcanDoIt]

yea, positive thinking u must, negative thinking u must eliminate..(wow, i speak like YOda)

yea, it takes monstous effort to constantly think positive..

it had left me super tired and super jaded..made my head ache..

you must have the willpower,

till now, i am still battling it..

cos yesterday when having lunch with my friend and his girl, all of a sudden i felt so shy in front of her..

its quite discouraging...

but its U, u urself who decides whether to let yourself sink in the negatives, or move and and rise above the challenges..

another thing..

learn self affirmation, it'll do you good.. :wink:

 

[Fighter86]

[/quote]

Hey I'm not telling you to cut yourself, woman! :lol:
I used to cut myself, not to seek attention but to release some of my inner pain, transforming it into physical pain. It was more bearable that way, but please don't do that.

[/quote]


Yup. its ok, I know wat u mean & I understand u. Wat I was juz tryin to do was to said IF I did the same thing wat would my parents do...

& yeah, I understand that u r not doing it to seek attention...sometimes life is juz so difficult that I guess it makes u do things that u never expected urself to do...me as a SAer should understand that

Well, juz keep our chins up- things might juz turn up for the better