Sma
Banned
Hi guys!
I`ve read this site a long time ago..2005 to be exact and back then I used to be really shy..had just moved to a different country and had a hard time getting used to the idea..which didn't help my shyness. Anyway, now time has passed and I'm much better..and happier overall..more sociable..etc..which I`m glad
My problem is that since I've left my home country, I don't really belong there anymore..sure I have relatives and friends but not a real life..or the prospect for one as it's a poor place. When I moved, I went to England where I have been studying GCSEs, A Levels, and university. I`ve done 2 years of university in England but now my 3rd is a year abroad as part of my course, which I am doing in the United States. During my life, for one reason or another, parents, moving house, better oportunities, etc..I have changed schools very often, about 6 times not including university and kindergarden. So I never really stayed long enough in one place..always making friends then never seeing them again..only some I've kept in touch but still it's hard as our lives are different now. I've never felt I belonged anywhere because of this.
Now at university, during my year abroad, I'm really happy..it's an amazing place..really fun..amazing people around. I'm enjoying the hell out of it but every once in a while it hits me. This is really temporary..it's a place I will spend just one year and then that's it. All of these people..I may not see again or if I do it will be hard to see often..to make part of my life. When I will go back to England, I will spend another year there, but, again, after that the same will happen..the people I know from there will not be part of my life anymore. I realise this is something that is obvious and happens to everyone, but the thing is, I look at people around me now..and guess that even though this time spent at university is only temporary and they know it, they still have someone/something to cling onto..the fact that they have a country they identify with and people there they are able to go back to and feel like belonging.
I'm not sure if my babbling makes sense, but I feel I have nothing to cling onto..as all I can see in the future is not lasting. I've read a bunch about buddhist ideas..that we should be aware that nothing lasts forever, everything ends..like life. And I keep trying to live the moment..which works more or less..except for the times when I think about things..and wish I could cling to something. And I wish I wasn't like that, because it seems so much easier ...also taking into consideration the next 2 years of my life.
Also due to my clingyness..every person I meet that I get along well with...I get really attached to..and of course it's temporary as life changes so much. And a lot of my happiness depends on this..if I have some friends I get along with great and spend a lot of time with..and then suddenly that doesn't happen anymore...or if they don't feel the need to cling to me so much as well..(they seem to have more full lives, they seem to live the moment more, without caring about if stuff lasts).
Is clinging to things necessary? Is it possible not to do that? ..and how? How would you look at life from that angle?
So I'm wondering, what advice could you give? Or similar experiences? ..would help a lot..maybe to understand my problem better and hopefully fix it as I've spent enough of my life being like that and it hasn't been the best way to be.
Thanks..for taking the time to read my excessively-long message
I`ve read this site a long time ago..2005 to be exact and back then I used to be really shy..had just moved to a different country and had a hard time getting used to the idea..which didn't help my shyness. Anyway, now time has passed and I'm much better..and happier overall..more sociable..etc..which I`m glad
My problem is that since I've left my home country, I don't really belong there anymore..sure I have relatives and friends but not a real life..or the prospect for one as it's a poor place. When I moved, I went to England where I have been studying GCSEs, A Levels, and university. I`ve done 2 years of university in England but now my 3rd is a year abroad as part of my course, which I am doing in the United States. During my life, for one reason or another, parents, moving house, better oportunities, etc..I have changed schools very often, about 6 times not including university and kindergarden. So I never really stayed long enough in one place..always making friends then never seeing them again..only some I've kept in touch but still it's hard as our lives are different now. I've never felt I belonged anywhere because of this.
Now at university, during my year abroad, I'm really happy..it's an amazing place..really fun..amazing people around. I'm enjoying the hell out of it but every once in a while it hits me. This is really temporary..it's a place I will spend just one year and then that's it. All of these people..I may not see again or if I do it will be hard to see often..to make part of my life. When I will go back to England, I will spend another year there, but, again, after that the same will happen..the people I know from there will not be part of my life anymore. I realise this is something that is obvious and happens to everyone, but the thing is, I look at people around me now..and guess that even though this time spent at university is only temporary and they know it, they still have someone/something to cling onto..the fact that they have a country they identify with and people there they are able to go back to and feel like belonging.
I'm not sure if my babbling makes sense, but I feel I have nothing to cling onto..as all I can see in the future is not lasting. I've read a bunch about buddhist ideas..that we should be aware that nothing lasts forever, everything ends..like life. And I keep trying to live the moment..which works more or less..except for the times when I think about things..and wish I could cling to something. And I wish I wasn't like that, because it seems so much easier ...also taking into consideration the next 2 years of my life.
Also due to my clingyness..every person I meet that I get along well with...I get really attached to..and of course it's temporary as life changes so much. And a lot of my happiness depends on this..if I have some friends I get along with great and spend a lot of time with..and then suddenly that doesn't happen anymore...or if they don't feel the need to cling to me so much as well..(they seem to have more full lives, they seem to live the moment more, without caring about if stuff lasts).
Is clinging to things necessary? Is it possible not to do that? ..and how? How would you look at life from that angle?
So I'm wondering, what advice could you give? Or similar experiences? ..would help a lot..maybe to understand my problem better and hopefully fix it as I've spent enough of my life being like that and it hasn't been the best way to be.
Thanks..for taking the time to read my excessively-long message
