evil feline space cadet
Banned
Okay, i cant explain this without a long background story so bear with me..
In 2006 i met my boyfriend Dave* of a year and a half (he's an ex now).
All through our relationship we argued about the same thing - other girls! He was constantly eyeing them up, commenting on them, and making me feel like crap. Thin, gorgeous, experienced girls... Him, being a man goin' thru puberty, and me being TERRIFIED of anything sexual or that involved showing any flesh. But i forced myself to make me seem different in an attempt to keep him. There was one girl in particular - Melissa*, who was "just a friend".
They had a thing before he met me - she even text him freaking out when she found out he got a new gf.
Anyway, through the whole relationship i was noticing her sending flirty texts and him defending her- she even sent him topless photo's. I tried my absolute hardest to stop her - and to get him to understand how i was feeling. No luck though. He CLEARLY liked her and I'm 99.9% sure he cheated with someone in college. He was texting some other girl too, whos number wasnt saved into his phone. How suspicious is that?!
In 2007, I was telling my friend Kelly* about Melissa* and the way i was terrified of losing guys to other girls. She saw how depressed i was and seemed real understanding. She was disgusted at Dave* and Melissa*.
Meanwhile i was working with a guy called Steve*. Lovely guy altogether. We were getting along really well and exchanged numbers and met up a few times. Nothing happened between us 'cause i dont believe in cheating at all, but i noticed we were getting way too close. I panicked and broke up with Dave* because it wouldnt have been fair stringing him if i liked Steve*.
He genuinely seemed to like me and was great fun to be around. Well, he told me he liked me and we decided to go out one weekend to a pub in town. Myself, Kelly*, and a few others met up with him and a few of his friends.
Naturally I was "the quiet one". Kelly* was chatting away to him like there was no tomorrow. I wouldn't have been able to talk even if i tried.
I remember talking to Kelly* in the corner. I was like... "I hope I'm being paranoid but I think he likes you", and she was saying he's gorgeous but nothing would ever happen "unless she was reeeeeeeaaaaaalllly drunk". She was sayin' how im one of her best friends and she knew i liked him, so nothing would ever happen.
The next day, he completely ignored me. I went home and went to text Kelly* and told her I was worried he was more into her than me and blah blah blah... He text me during this time saying "What would you say if i asked Kelly* out?" I was furious but text back saying "its your decision, i can't stop you". After leaving my bf of a year and a half, i was second best to another girl - something i was dreading for a very long time. I felt kind of safe though, but still suspicious. I knew Kelly* would turn him down, since she was SUCH a good friend.
I was wrong.
Now theyre going out over 2 years and we haven't spoken since. She brags about it on bebo and facebook all the time, constantly bitches about me to her friends and tries to force everyone to know she's still "in the most amazing relationship ever", while i continue to put on weight and am on a downward spiral to the 7th layer of hell. (Wow, that sounded emo! xD)
Anyway theyre both known to haunt the shopping center accross from where he lives so I've avoided it since then. But this weekend i decided to be brave and go there with my parents for Christmas shopping.
IT WAS HELL.
I spent the whole day hiding behind my parents, avoided going anywhere on my own and kept staring at the ground. I was a mess!
Complete and utter buzz worse than any in history, ever!
I was shaking, heart thumping any time i saw a couple or a girl that looked like her. Nearly crying and everything. Couldnt breathe comfortably. Refused to go anywhere near food or drink in fear she'd come along and laugh at how much of a mess she's made me. Once i managed to get to the exit (in stealth mode) I practically legged it to the car. Begged my parents for vallium 'cause i was so close to a nervous breakdown. My mother said she'll get some off the doctor - but if she calls him she'll know ive been to see him about counselling for my SA... which i haven't told her about yet, though im sure she knows i suffer from it - she wouldnt understand though.
Anyway theres my story...
I feel so pathetic!
In 2006 i met my boyfriend Dave* of a year and a half (he's an ex now).
All through our relationship we argued about the same thing - other girls! He was constantly eyeing them up, commenting on them, and making me feel like crap. Thin, gorgeous, experienced girls... Him, being a man goin' thru puberty, and me being TERRIFIED of anything sexual or that involved showing any flesh. But i forced myself to make me seem different in an attempt to keep him. There was one girl in particular - Melissa*, who was "just a friend".
They had a thing before he met me - she even text him freaking out when she found out he got a new gf.
Anyway, through the whole relationship i was noticing her sending flirty texts and him defending her- she even sent him topless photo's. I tried my absolute hardest to stop her - and to get him to understand how i was feeling. No luck though. He CLEARLY liked her and I'm 99.9% sure he cheated with someone in college. He was texting some other girl too, whos number wasnt saved into his phone. How suspicious is that?!
In 2007, I was telling my friend Kelly* about Melissa* and the way i was terrified of losing guys to other girls. She saw how depressed i was and seemed real understanding. She was disgusted at Dave* and Melissa*.
Meanwhile i was working with a guy called Steve*. Lovely guy altogether. We were getting along really well and exchanged numbers and met up a few times. Nothing happened between us 'cause i dont believe in cheating at all, but i noticed we were getting way too close. I panicked and broke up with Dave* because it wouldnt have been fair stringing him if i liked Steve*.
He genuinely seemed to like me and was great fun to be around. Well, he told me he liked me and we decided to go out one weekend to a pub in town. Myself, Kelly*, and a few others met up with him and a few of his friends.
Naturally I was "the quiet one". Kelly* was chatting away to him like there was no tomorrow. I wouldn't have been able to talk even if i tried.
I remember talking to Kelly* in the corner. I was like... "I hope I'm being paranoid but I think he likes you", and she was saying he's gorgeous but nothing would ever happen "unless she was reeeeeeeaaaaaalllly drunk". She was sayin' how im one of her best friends and she knew i liked him, so nothing would ever happen.
The next day, he completely ignored me. I went home and went to text Kelly* and told her I was worried he was more into her than me and blah blah blah... He text me during this time saying "What would you say if i asked Kelly* out?" I was furious but text back saying "its your decision, i can't stop you". After leaving my bf of a year and a half, i was second best to another girl - something i was dreading for a very long time. I felt kind of safe though, but still suspicious. I knew Kelly* would turn him down, since she was SUCH a good friend.
I was wrong.
Now theyre going out over 2 years and we haven't spoken since. She brags about it on bebo and facebook all the time, constantly bitches about me to her friends and tries to force everyone to know she's still "in the most amazing relationship ever", while i continue to put on weight and am on a downward spiral to the 7th layer of hell. (Wow, that sounded emo! xD)
Anyway theyre both known to haunt the shopping center accross from where he lives so I've avoided it since then. But this weekend i decided to be brave and go there with my parents for Christmas shopping.
IT WAS HELL.
I spent the whole day hiding behind my parents, avoided going anywhere on my own and kept staring at the ground. I was a mess!
Complete and utter buzz worse than any in history, ever!
I was shaking, heart thumping any time i saw a couple or a girl that looked like her. Nearly crying and everything. Couldnt breathe comfortably. Refused to go anywhere near food or drink in fear she'd come along and laugh at how much of a mess she's made me. Once i managed to get to the exit (in stealth mode) I practically legged it to the car. Begged my parents for vallium 'cause i was so close to a nervous breakdown. My mother said she'll get some off the doctor - but if she calls him she'll know ive been to see him about counselling for my SA... which i haven't told her about yet, though im sure she knows i suffer from it - she wouldnt understand though.
Anyway theres my story...
I feel so pathetic!
