I actually like the idea Christmas but my personality doesn't fit in. I get kind of down during the holidays because I'm disappointed with myself. When my family comes over I wish I could be this outgoing person and have positive things to say about how I've been but nothing has really changed. i have nothing to offer them. Then guilt kicks in and I just wish I tried harder to live a more positive life. By the time New Years comes along I've realized I've wasted a year of my life that I can't get back. It's all very draining.
I get those same guilty feelings, which I am trying to fix. I like the whole Christmas atmosphere, which the music and the lovely decorations (although most people certainly are NOT merrier this time of year), but I feel awkward with the obligation of spending time with my family and not knowing how to do this. I'm also terrible at buying gifts, so every year I feel guilty for getting stuff my family doesn't like, lol.
I did get depressed today. I had a dinner with my parents and brother and sister, which was not too bad this year though, as we were even having normal conversations during the Christmas dinner. But I was hoping to hear from some other people besides them, who never let me know anything. So that's why I came to this site, and now I'm already feeling a bit better 🙂
I used to love Christmas for a variety of reasons. Family would get together, have fun, etc.. Oh and Dec 24th was mine and my exs anniversary..and Dec 27th was her b-day.
Now my family's distant towards me and I got dumped 6 months ago. Xmas is now reminding me of years wasted with a girl who didn't wanna be with me and a family who ignores me.
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