Change?

[T T T]

I'm begining some counselling sessions soon and even after some very helpful replies in my thead about it, i'm still worried.

I'm concerned that it wont be effective because i'm too stubborn to change. It makes me look weak and impressionable to change. What would people think if I changed?

I am fully aware that if I did change the responses to it would all be positive, but I can't seem to convince myself this.

Is this just the depression speaking? Not having the energy or will to want to change.

Has anyone else had this issue?
That they want to change, desperatley, but on another level feel too scared or reluctant to?

 

[T T T]

Yeah that really makes sense.
I just feel like no matter how good the therapy is, i'm going to be making a conscious effort to make sure it dosen't work - Maybe I should tell them that?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well... I've had a fair amount of therapy and haven't been able to change. I don't see changing as 'faking' because I've completely lost who I am anyway; so I don't know how I'd normally act... I guess when you're at the point that you're lost and apathetic all the time, all you can do is try to rebuild who you are- and in that case, it's not faking; or changing... not necessarily, anyway.

I guess the point is... you'll change if you want to change.
You can't change if you're completely fixated on remaining the person who you think you are even if you don't really know who that person is exactly.
You also can't rebuild when you don't feel that you have the proper tools-- if you get what I mean.

 

[T T T]

Well... I've had a fair amount of therapy and haven't been able to change. I don't see changing as 'faking' because I've completely lost who I am anyway; so I don't know how I'd normally act

I'm sorry about that. :/

The only thing is, I don't know if I want to change. I'm terrified of becoming someone i'm not, even though I am someone I am not now.

Maybe if I knew exactly how I want to be?

 

[coyote]

change is one of the hardest things to accomplish

it's also one of the most frightening

because no matter how screwed up we are now, we at least know where things stand - we're used to things being the way things are - we're comfortable

to change means to leave the safety and comfort of familiarity behind and venture into the unknown

but... "We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are."

 

[mikebird]

Well

I used to be fine. Everything was perfect!

Then it was 2001

Everything changed. I didn't change anything.

There's something I've been hoping for ever since...

Apocalyptic change - I want to be a survivor in a situation such as 28 Days Later - then I could be an Alpha Male again, or I might die, or end up the same current social environment again, or maybe worse. So suicide would be a valid excuse