Can I even consider him my friend?


Active member
Initially, I thought it would be a good idea to room with a "friend" from High School, because I'd feel more comfortable around somebody I already know... Little did I know. I've recently gotten a bit closer to him to the point of knowing many details in his life. He often shares with me many of his personal issues so he's opened up to me and everything.

Just from what I've noticed, I've been doing all the "work" in this friendship. I'm always the one who has to initiate conversations only to receive half-*** responses on his part UNLESS it has something to do about girls. He only ever talks about his problems and girls never really asking me how I'm doing or if he can help me with anything. Whenever I try sharing problems, I, again, don't get much effort on his part. He just blows it off and tries inserting his problems so it can be all about him...

Another thing I've noticed is that he treats his other "friends" from college much better. He'll console them if they're ever feeling bad and tell them how much they mean to him... I actually addressed this with him once, asking him why he's nicer to his other friends. To which he responded "I'm usually meaner to people I'm closer with. Sorry." That's it.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just about to sink into frustration again because I've had trouble connecting with other people and I really only have him in my life in college right now but I'm not sure whether I should just drop him as a friend. Yes, I live in the same room as him and I think I can stick it out for one more semester but I'm not used to having friends in my life so I usually can't pick up on when people are using me... Would you consider this is just a phony, insincere friendship?

Advice? Thank you.


Well-known member
I can relate to your second paragraph. I was friends with someone for a long time (knew him from when he lived near us as kids) but he was too engrossed in his own problems and continually wanting my re-assurance. There's a limit to how much support you can provide before you start half-assing replies yourself. He never showed interest for my career etc, besides wanting to know my family gossip. It's going to be two years when after an argument when he rejected my advice, which he asked for relating to an employment opportunity, when I told him to get lost. Life is OK without him. Rather hang with friends who I respect. Try minimizing the time you spend and focus on those who you enjoy so******ing with.


Active member
Try minimizing the time you spend and focus on those who you enjoy so******ing with.

Thank you for the advice! He was my gateway to other people, unfortunately. Although I'm roommates with him, I'll find ways to stay out of the room... more often.

Since cutting your friend out of your life, how has it been making new friends, or even just meeting other people?


Well-known member
He does sound a bit like a phony friend the way he is never really interested in your life and your problems and only wants to talk about himself. But I don't think that means you necessarily need to drop him completely.

For example, I think that many people have different tiers of friendships in their life. Some people are their best friends, some are just good friends, and some are general friends that you do something with every once in a while. So, I feel like you can't expect everyone to be your best friend who cares deeply about you. So, if I were you, I feel like I would remain a friendly acquaintance with him. I don't know, I just feel like maybe he could be that friend you have that you could go do things with every once in a while like go bowling or go to the movies? If you had an activity that you wanted to do but you didn't want to do it alone, he could be your backup plan of someone to do something with?

But this advice is coming from someone who has no friends myself, so take it with a grain of salt lol.