Scared Dreamer
Member
I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We have been dating four years. We didn't have a fight or anything. He has just been becoming more distant from me from depression. He has stopped showing love to me for a long time. I finally just gave up. My family have been pushing me to do this.
I embarrassed myself in front of a guy I used to go to school with a few weeks ago probably because of the relationship stress. I let all my embarrassing secrets leak out and completely lost control of myself. I suppressed all the things I said for a few days and then sunk into my worst ocd eposiod ever. I also became depressed. I then started to come around but then my boyfriend started to depress me again. I weirdly feel slightly uplifted now that I broke up with my boyfriend although I feel like I am avoiding my feelings. I definitively do that because I just remembered how inappropriate I acted in front of the guy I used to go to school with out of extreme sexual frustration/social anxiety. I remember that I accidently moaned a few times in conversation with him, grabbed my chest, and didn't hide that I was turned on. I wasn't trying to sleep with him though. I just couldn't control myself. This has never happen before. I don't really know how this happen. I'm embarrassed especially because the guy has a girlfriend. I feel scared about having to date again since I'm socially awkward. I feel safe and comfortable with my x boyfriend but I don't feel truly loved. I have for the most part fallen out of love with him but every once I start thinking about memories of us and it hurts. How do I deal with this? I feel desperate to just go have fun and date other guys because I've been working at home for a year and half and I have zero social life. I just can't take it anymore but I feel like going out with other men right after breaking up is maybe immature and inappropriate. I already feel so inappropriate for not hiding that I was turned on. I already apologized to the guy though. Horribly I started to develop a crush on him.
I embarrassed myself in front of a guy I used to go to school with a few weeks ago probably because of the relationship stress. I let all my embarrassing secrets leak out and completely lost control of myself. I suppressed all the things I said for a few days and then sunk into my worst ocd eposiod ever. I also became depressed. I then started to come around but then my boyfriend started to depress me again. I weirdly feel slightly uplifted now that I broke up with my boyfriend although I feel like I am avoiding my feelings. I definitively do that because I just remembered how inappropriate I acted in front of the guy I used to go to school with out of extreme sexual frustration/social anxiety. I remember that I accidently moaned a few times in conversation with him, grabbed my chest, and didn't hide that I was turned on. I wasn't trying to sleep with him though. I just couldn't control myself. This has never happen before. I don't really know how this happen. I'm embarrassed especially because the guy has a girlfriend. I feel scared about having to date again since I'm socially awkward. I feel safe and comfortable with my x boyfriend but I don't feel truly loved. I have for the most part fallen out of love with him but every once I start thinking about memories of us and it hurts. How do I deal with this? I feel desperate to just go have fun and date other guys because I've been working at home for a year and half and I have zero social life. I just can't take it anymore but I feel like going out with other men right after breaking up is maybe immature and inappropriate. I already feel so inappropriate for not hiding that I was turned on. I already apologized to the guy though. Horribly I started to develop a crush on him.