Broke up with my boyfriend I've been dating for 4 years

[Scared Dreamer]

I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We have been dating four years. We didn't have a fight or anything. He has just been becoming more distant from me from depression. He has stopped showing love to me for a long time. I finally just gave up. My family have been pushing me to do this.
I embarrassed myself in front of a guy I used to go to school with a few weeks ago probably because of the relationship stress. I let all my embarrassing secrets leak out and completely lost control of myself. I suppressed all the things I said for a few days and then sunk into my worst ocd eposiod ever. I also became depressed. I then started to come around but then my boyfriend started to depress me again. I weirdly feel slightly uplifted now that I broke up with my boyfriend although I feel like I am avoiding my feelings. I definitively do that because I just remembered how inappropriate I acted in front of the guy I used to go to school with out of extreme sexual frustration/social anxiety. I remember that I accidently moaned a few times in conversation with him, grabbed my chest, and didn't hide that I was turned on. I wasn't trying to sleep with him though. I just couldn't control myself. This has never happen before. I don't really know how this happen. I'm embarrassed especially because the guy has a girlfriend. I feel scared about having to date again since I'm socially awkward. I feel safe and comfortable with my x boyfriend but I don't feel truly loved. I have for the most part fallen out of love with him but every once I start thinking about memories of us and it hurts. How do I deal with this? I feel desperate to just go have fun and date other guys because I've been working at home for a year and half and I have zero social life. I just can't take it anymore but I feel like going out with other men right after breaking up is maybe immature and inappropriate. I already feel so inappropriate for not hiding that I was turned on. I already apologized to the guy though. Horribly I started to develop a crush on him.

 

[sullyS25]

Sometimes people hold you back and when you want to grow and they want to stay the same things don't work out.....If you want to start dating other guys, do it. The only person labeling it as inappropriate is yourself....If anyone else has an issue with that it is their problem, not yours.

Having a significant other in your life does not necessarily make things better and if you are socially awkward and have issues meeting people then this is a perfect time to learn how to change that and start to grow. Single doesn't mean sadness and on the other side of the coin, having a boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean happiness as was demonstrated through your X.

I think if you find a way to accept yourself for the way you are and learn to be happy with who you are then all the other things will fall into place. When you have self-esteem issues (not saying you do just saying in general) and have troubles loving yourself for who you are then how is it ever going to be possible to love anyone else?

Humans in general subconsciously attract people into their lives that support they view the world and they view the world as they view themselves....If you see yourself as socially awkward, and see that as a bad thing and if you do not love yourself, the people that come into your life will reflect that so I believe this would be a perfect opportunity to get in touch with who you really are and learn to love yourself.....

I am by no means an expert and this is just a recommendation so please, if you see something you disagree with or don't like....just remember that it i only an opinion and you don't have to believe it.

 

[sullyS25]

Sometimes people hold you back and when you want to grow and they want to stay the same things don't work out.....If you want to start dating other guys, do it. The only person labeling it as inappropriate is yourself....If anyone else has an issue with that it is their problem, not yours.

Having a significant other in your life does not necessarily make things better and if you are socially awkward and have issues meeting people then this is a perfect time to learn how to change that and start to grow. Single doesn't mean sadness and on the other side of the coin, having a boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean happiness as was demonstrated through your X.

I think if you find a way to accept yourself for the way you are and learn to be happy with who you are then all the other things will fall into place. When you have self-esteem issues (not saying you do just saying in general) and have troubles loving yourself for who you are then how is it ever going to be possible to love anyone else?

Humans in general subconsciously attract people into their lives that support they view the world and they view the world as they view themselves....If you see yourself as socially awkward, and see that as a bad thing and if you do not love yourself, the people that come into your life will reflect that so I believe this would be a perfect opportunity to get in touch with who you really are and learn to love yourself.....

I am by no means an expert and this is just a recommendation so please, if you see something you disagree with or don't like....just remember that it i only an opinion and you don't have to believe it.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

I agree with sully.

You can choose whether or not to date other guys, but are you truly ready for it?

Do you know yourself as well as you think you do? I am asking this because I, myself, am confused on my feelings at this point in time, and I haven't just been through something as stressful as breaking up.

Perhaps you need time to sort yourself out before you jump back into dating. That's what I plan on doing for however long I need to.

Having fun with friends is much easier than dating somebody. Friends don't rely on you as much. If you can't figure out yourself, how can somebody else figure you out?

Deciding whether or not you are ready is up to you. My advice is to stay out of a relationship for awhile to 'soul search'. Friends have a great way of cheering you up without the stress of a relationship.

 

[Scared Dreamer]

I wonder if it's normal to suppress memories of an embarrassing event while your going through emotional stress. I keep feeling like I am all of a sudden remembering parts of conversations I had while I was profusely embarrassing myself for who knows what reason. I definitely need to get out of the house more so I can socialize more and not act so awkward again. Although I think some of the reason I acted so insecure was because the guys I was talking to were enjoying my complete embarrassment and were encouraging me to slip up more in conversation.

 

[Azael]

Being out of the house more is a good idea. When you are on your own, you in a way start to unravel. You start going over things too much and that can become a big problem. Though I would also say that time being single is a good opportunity to start socializing and, more importantly, getting to know yourself better.

As per the embarrassing display, it happens. I was quite bold in my young days and that led to a couple of very big gaffs that still make me cringe today! Best not to mull over it too much. What happend happened, and this guy is not the be all end all of your life anyway, so, why worry?

 

[Scared Dreamer]

Azael, I'm not sure if I'm going completely delusional at this point and maybe beyond paranoid but I am almost certain that you are all three of these people who commented on this post. I appreciate your help though and I'm sorry If I sound crazy. I keep thinking I remember stuff but I suppress memories connected to embarrassing/hurtful events and then I think I half remember the things but maybe I have an overactive imagination.