Anonymous
Well-known member
I just found this site. I decided to Google agoraphobia because for the last 7 years, I have grown to HATE interacting in a social settings. I am feeling great comfort knowing that I am not alone. I thought that I was an "extreme homebody" mixed with a lot insecurity. Thank you all.
More about me:
Among people that I have grown up with, I am the "life of the party, very outgoing, charming and outspoken. NOwadays, the people that I grew up with are the ONLY friends that I have. Since I do not socialize and attend parties, my 'friend count' has gone down to ZERO and has not increased in years and I have no current associates other than co-workers.
I am a very attractive woman. I go out of my way to look good and to dress well ( a few have mistaken this for vanity) but it isn't-- the only way that I can make it out of the house and through the day is if I have put 100% of effort into TRYING to at least LOOK good , because I definitely don't FEEL good. I feel like a mess. My problem especially sucks because I live in NYC where there are millions of people out 24 hours a day at all times. There are so many more attractive, more cool women out there who make me feel even more shitty about myself. I really stay in the house as much as I can so I do not have to be confronted by these beautiful people. I am constantly wearing my sunglasses and TAKING CABS to avoid eye contact with people and HATE HATE HATE walking around and taking the subway NY is a big coolness/ popularity conest and this is the WORST Place for me to be. I want to retreat into the suburbs or a quiet mall town somwhere ,where I can feel invisible and not have these feelings.
I hate walking down the street and even though I go out of my way to project a great OUTWARD appearance, I dread bumping into someone I know because I feel as if the interaction will be an INQUISITION of what I've been up to and WHERE I've "been hiding?" Even though I appear successful and fulfilled workwise, I still feel like a failure and that any day now. I will be exposed as a FAKE ( even though I'm not)
I get constant invitations to parties and get-togethers, but I DREAD attending them and my thoughts become overwhelmed with DREAD
until I cancel my plans and then i feel even SHITTIER for being a FLAKE. Even though I do not go to parties, I find myself CONSTANTLY looking at party pictures on the web and tormenting myself even more when I see all the attractive people out and having fun ( why do I do this?).
I am not afreaid of people. I just feel transparent and feel that my fears are outwardly exposed. I have no problem interacting with people of authority, co-workers or strangers, my problem arises when I am plagued by feeling of inadequacy and intimidation: I feel that I am being judged and scrutinized by them and that I will NEVER measure up. Either my hair feels a mess, my skin feels oily, I fear that my breath stinks, I fear that my butt/cleavage/belly is exposed and I feel that all DISAPPROVING eyes are on me.
I have a small business, but I feel that I have hit my own glass ceiling beacuse I can e-mail and phone-call my butt off, but when it comes to having meetings, conferences, networking and managing people, I feel weak and inferior. I know that I will have to overcome these fears if I want my business ( and LIFE) to grow.
I do not socialize at all. I am in GREAT relationship that enables me to mask my anxiety with "couple time" of staying home and vegging out in front of the TV . NO one knows about my problems.
I have noticed that the more I wathdraw myself from the world, the HARDER it is to re-join the world when I have to. I was FORCED to go to adinner party last month and I couldn't even FAKE IT. I felt like everone was looking at me and I felt that people could feel that my smile was fake. I didn't even know how to fake convesations with people-- It's definitely getting worse and it just needs to STOP
I think this started when I graduated from high school. My parents are wealthy, very strict and old fashioned. They constantly bug me to be a Dr / Lawyer and they don't mean to, but sometimes they treat me in a diisapproving way, as if my not making 6 figures is a dissappointment to them.
Please provide me with some suggestions and tell me where to start. I really want to LIVE my life. I am only 27 and am starting to feel like I will be unfulfilled, friendless and antisocial forever.
Wow, that felt great!
More about me:
Among people that I have grown up with, I am the "life of the party, very outgoing, charming and outspoken. NOwadays, the people that I grew up with are the ONLY friends that I have. Since I do not socialize and attend parties, my 'friend count' has gone down to ZERO and has not increased in years and I have no current associates other than co-workers.
I am a very attractive woman. I go out of my way to look good and to dress well ( a few have mistaken this for vanity) but it isn't-- the only way that I can make it out of the house and through the day is if I have put 100% of effort into TRYING to at least LOOK good , because I definitely don't FEEL good. I feel like a mess. My problem especially sucks because I live in NYC where there are millions of people out 24 hours a day at all times. There are so many more attractive, more cool women out there who make me feel even more shitty about myself. I really stay in the house as much as I can so I do not have to be confronted by these beautiful people. I am constantly wearing my sunglasses and TAKING CABS to avoid eye contact with people and HATE HATE HATE walking around and taking the subway NY is a big coolness/ popularity conest and this is the WORST Place for me to be. I want to retreat into the suburbs or a quiet mall town somwhere ,where I can feel invisible and not have these feelings.
I hate walking down the street and even though I go out of my way to project a great OUTWARD appearance, I dread bumping into someone I know because I feel as if the interaction will be an INQUISITION of what I've been up to and WHERE I've "been hiding?" Even though I appear successful and fulfilled workwise, I still feel like a failure and that any day now. I will be exposed as a FAKE ( even though I'm not)
I get constant invitations to parties and get-togethers, but I DREAD attending them and my thoughts become overwhelmed with DREAD
until I cancel my plans and then i feel even SHITTIER for being a FLAKE. Even though I do not go to parties, I find myself CONSTANTLY looking at party pictures on the web and tormenting myself even more when I see all the attractive people out and having fun ( why do I do this?).
I am not afreaid of people. I just feel transparent and feel that my fears are outwardly exposed. I have no problem interacting with people of authority, co-workers or strangers, my problem arises when I am plagued by feeling of inadequacy and intimidation: I feel that I am being judged and scrutinized by them and that I will NEVER measure up. Either my hair feels a mess, my skin feels oily, I fear that my breath stinks, I fear that my butt/cleavage/belly is exposed and I feel that all DISAPPROVING eyes are on me.
I have a small business, but I feel that I have hit my own glass ceiling beacuse I can e-mail and phone-call my butt off, but when it comes to having meetings, conferences, networking and managing people, I feel weak and inferior. I know that I will have to overcome these fears if I want my business ( and LIFE) to grow.
I do not socialize at all. I am in GREAT relationship that enables me to mask my anxiety with "couple time" of staying home and vegging out in front of the TV . NO one knows about my problems.
I have noticed that the more I wathdraw myself from the world, the HARDER it is to re-join the world when I have to. I was FORCED to go to adinner party last month and I couldn't even FAKE IT. I felt like everone was looking at me and I felt that people could feel that my smile was fake. I didn't even know how to fake convesations with people-- It's definitely getting worse and it just needs to STOP
I think this started when I graduated from high school. My parents are wealthy, very strict and old fashioned. They constantly bug me to be a Dr / Lawyer and they don't mean to, but sometimes they treat me in a diisapproving way, as if my not making 6 figures is a dissappointment to them.
Please provide me with some suggestions and tell me where to start. I really want to LIVE my life. I am only 27 and am starting to feel like I will be unfulfilled, friendless and antisocial forever.
Wow, that felt great!
