blushing: the paradoxical intentions method

[firelily]

Yesterday my psychology lecturer did a lecture on facial displays and talked about blushing a fair bit (like how its interpreted etc..). I've blush badly due to social anxiety and its been a huge problem for me ever since I can remember. As soon as I'm the center of attention (or anywhere near it!), I start to go red and I guess thats why I'll do anything to avoid it.

So anway, the professor was convinced that the absolute cure to anxiety-based blushing is a method called "paradoxical intentions". Basically, when you are in a situation where you would normally blush, like if you see a person walking towards you who you know triggers it, then you are supposed to try as hard as you can to blush the reddest, purplest, deepest blush that you can. Focus on trying to blush rather than anything else (like supressing it), challenge yourself to do it. And ideally, you won't blush because your forcing yourself to do it rather than thinking 'oh my god, I'm going to go red' and freaking out. This undercuts and undermines the anxiety of blushing. It gives you back a sense of control over it. And if you do blush after 'trying' to then laugh hysterically (inside).

Now this professor is a total extravert and has obviously never suffered from FB but he is an expert on non-verbal communication. I'm going to test this out because I'm willing to try anything at the moment!
I'll let you know how this method goes)

 

[redlady]

It could be fun to do that - i can just imagine myself saying in my head in a very confrontational way - "Okay so you want to blush well bring it on baby, give me all you've got, is that as red as you can go, i've seen tomatoes redder than that, come on turn fushia for me baby, light yourself up like Rudolph's nose..... you get my point. :lol:

 

[Angie_05]

Considering that a lot of our anxiety is simply over the anxiety symptoms themselves...then that method might work. You would just have to be able to get yourself to do it. Good luck. Let us know![/i]

 

[Lost_Nomad]

notice how your body is behaving thus your focusing on yourself rather then whats making you blush. I try to imagine the sounds of being in a natural place like running water. It helps but once the adrenilin is in the blood stream theres not much you can do, its all chemistry.

 

[thugaveli]

Im not sure how this is going to work but i'll sure give it a go

I can make myself blush without anything or anyone triggering it so i don't know weather its going to work but its worth a try

Thanks for sharing the info

 

[sensitive]

It could be fun to do that - i can just imagine myself saying in my head in a very confrontational way - "Okay so you want to blush well bring it on baby, give me all you've got, is that as red as you can go, i've seen tomatoes redder than that, come on turn fushia for me baby, light yourself up like Rudolph's nose..... you get my point. :lol:

:lol: very funny redlady. actually i don't have to worry about blushing since i am black :lol: (so lucky) i am sure if i were a white guy i would be in a bad situation like some people. being black doesn't mean i don't blush but it is just invisible. instead of blushing i got darker and darker (just joking :lol: ). good luck firelily with this new method .

 

[firelily]

Ok so I do think this method has some merit. Its been a week and I've really tried consciously to have 'paradoxical intentions' in situations where I would normally blush. Instead of fearing these situations, I see them as ways to test the method out! So thats probably a big part of it: getting rid of that feeling of impending doom. Also, its something else to concentrate on to get my mind off the 'OMG, I'm going to blush, I'm going red' dialogue that goes through my head (if you have a prob with blushing then you know what I'm talking about!).

So some success here! Yay! But it does involve real conscious effort and some sort of thinking ahead. I found that I couldn't get it to work in situations that were unpredictable and sudden (like being asked a direct, out-of-the-blue embaressing question) but I could when I set my mind up for something (like if I saw someone from my high school days walking towards me).

 

[Chilling__Echo]

wow awesome, usually i just try to relax myself. i don't think i could ever do that method haha! but kudos to you

 

[ShyCrow]

Wow that's incredible, well done!!! I'm not sure i've got the will power to deliberately risk putting myself in a situation that normally leaves me a complete mess, but i'm gonna try....perhaps with strangers first, out shopping and that.

Thanks, any other tips so gratefully received

 

[english-ice]

I think this method could work to a degree. But I also think that you would have to be 100% committed to doing it or it would work against you.

I'm starting to believe that the only way, we're ever going to overcome our blushing problems is to not care. As the book title by susan jeffers says.

"Feal the Fear and do it anyway....

I know in my case, I've learned to run away from painful social situations where I fear I may blush. (But thats crap). IMO It only pours fuel onto the fire,because your always running away from the fear of blushing.

I know this bad habit of ours can be overcome and this maybe a useful tool to use.

Thanks for sharing

 

[Anonymous]

That is how I overcame it. I embraced that I was very nervous and shy and I would interact with people turning 3shades of red. Some people were nice and that made me more nervous some people were cruel and would say"your turning so red and turn to someone next to them and say "look how red she is" I would stand my ground and say " so what" or what's your point" this seemed to get them off me. Soon I noticed that the not caring if I blushed made the blush lighter, and the not caring who knew how nervous I was made me less nervous. I became outgoing and had friends. I had a relapse into it (12 years later) but it is not as bad as it was.

~Barb

 

[Chow-man]

that's also often how I'll deal with it. Hard as hell sometimes, sure but it's the best way I think.

I would likely blush during almost any topic of conversation with work mates for example. Sometimes the thought 'I'm not blushing yet - wow!' would creep in, and that was enough to start a war of self control, usualy lost, to try and stop going red no mater what the conversation or situation.

but anyway, getting involved, as in really taking your mind off the blushing, not even thinking about it at all just 'works'.

So, for something I always wanted to do, that was be a videogame artist, I knew if I went for the job it'd involve interacting a lot, but I also wanted it so much I didn't allow any blushing thoughts in (until I got the job, settled in, and then it crept back...). So, in th einterview - usually oh so painful - I was so hyped and excited about the situation, the very fact I was there - that blushing didn't enter my head, ONCE. And if I did blush I didn't know, and I don't care!

So although it still has control over my life, I challenge it almost daily. And by getting into doing things a lot - you know, life - but take it seriously and don't concern yourself with blushing -"pah! blushing, what's that anyway...nonesense" I've got a life to live. Don't let it stop you, please.

 

[rubyted]

ye i might try that on my boyf as he no's bout my blushing problem so if it works it works but if not it wont be as bad for me . thanks !!

 

[Deadxflower]

lol =] you know what, this technique has worked for me a few times before! but sumtimes its easier said than done and its hard to not suppress it in your mind :?

 

[Quixote]

in a situation where you would normally blush, like if you see a person walking towards you who you know triggers it, then you are supposed to try as hard as you can to blush the reddest, purplest, deepest blush that you can. Focus on trying to blush rather than anything else (like supressing it), challenge yourself to do it. And ideally, you won't blush because your forcing yourself to do it rather than thinking

I think it may work but only as long as you manage to genuinely desire to provoke the blushing. Otherwise you will start worrying: "will this technique work now?" And inevitably blush