best piece of advice I've heard in a longtime...

[benihana]

-Get genuinely interested in people-

Thats it short and simple and suprisingly easy to do. Getting interested vs. Being interesting really is the thing. Alot of people spend so much of their time trying to be interesting to attract others. They think that if they become interesting enough those people will flock to them, like you tend to see in the surrounding culture (ie. celebrities and everydaylife popular people).

This concept is easy because as shy people often times our spotlight is honed in on everything we do, say, and are. By getting interested in others, we take the focus off ourselves and therefore the pressure. It is a great and freeing way of thinking!! For real, .

When you want to learn about other people, you show an enthusiasm for them and, often times, they will automatically become interested in you.

If anybody thinks this idea is helpful or something to this, let me know!! And also, if anybody has ideas on how to get interested in other peoples lives, please share them with me..




"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest assest I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement."- Charles Schwab

 

[SingaporeGuy]

hahah, yeah what u say is definitely true..

one way is to just ask questions all the way, about what he does, what ishis favourite food etc..

i found out that people can just continue talking about themselves..its good for us though..

 

[benihana]

Hey dude, cool that you responded by the way!! I was in HS at SAS in Woodlands for three years and living off Orchard Rd in Leonie Condotel. I love Singapore man, and had some of my best times there. Are you still living there? Where at? I have some good friends still residing in Arcadia near Holland Village. I heard there is a huge casino going up near the Merlion, is that true??

But yeah, people love to talk about themselves and its nice if you are shy because you can just ask them questions and never really have to talk about anything. But I think a key is to really listen and remember what they're saying. In conversation, especially with really chatty people, I always pick up on something they are saying and hold onto a question about it until they take a break from talking. Then I ask it, but in that process never soak in what they were really saying in the first place.

I have been trying to keep a "reverse journal", where instead of writing things about me and what happened in my day, I keep it about other people and whats going on in their lives. Its much easier and feels great to know and remember much more about other people I care about!!

Singapore keep on keeping on brotha!! And thanks for the Re...

 

[JonnyA]

A reverse journal is an excellent idea! I read my chat logs, but summarizing their contents would help me to more easily find things to say in future conversations.

 

[turtlegirl]

Funny, because I don't like when people ask about myself. I guess there's a boundary. Since I don't like to be asked, I feel hypocritical asking others unless they open the door into their lives first. And it has to be focused on positive areas of their life; if I don't know that a subject would be positive, I won't ask

 

[savage_beagle]

it is true.

It is very true that if you show genuine interest in others, they respond in kind. TRY and mention them by name when responding and word your questions with enthusiasm, while not being ''nosy''. People in general like to talk about themselves and show you smart, funny, savy, shrewd, and so on, they are. Just weed out the bullshit and keep the conversation light and use some humor...people will always remember you if you were kinda humorous and you made them smile. For a moment, think back when you were a little kid, and you somehow got an adults attention. You probably were giddy with joy that a ''grownnupp'' is paying you attention and is so curious to hear what you did at school today or at the park, that you yapped the poor guys ear off . When that adult was listening to you and saying things like--''wow! realllllllly??!! oh boy!! thats sounds like funnnnnnnn!! you're so smart.'', you remebered the facial expressions and how good it felt to be heard and liked so much. Deep down inside, we are still children hoping to be accepted and recognized, sprouting a hard-on when somebody pays us good attention and listen to us blab on about ourselves. So be a good listener and respond with kindness and people will remember you, especially if you make them smile and feel good.

 

[benihana]

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."- Dale Carnegie

This is the quote that is the real advice...becoming interested in other people as opposed to trying to make them interested in you. There is no way you can control others actions....you can't make them become your friends. But then again, if you involve yourself in other peoples lives, they naturally gravitate into the friends arena and vice-versa.

If you think about this, it still makes a whole lot of sense. There is an article somewhere that mentions when we look at group pictures, the first one we zoom in on is ourselves....true? I'm not a fan, but do it anyway. If you lessen up the self examination on yourself and move the focus to others you can operate more freely and make friends easier.

Hey, shredz, you will notice if you ask any sort of question that is not a yes or no, people tend to reveal more about themselves than is seen on the surface. If you catch upon something that is interesting in what they're saying or something that can lead into your understanding of what its like to be them...ask them about it. I'm sure they'll appreciate the interest.

 

[benihana]

Oh yeah...and if they mention something about themselves...REMEMBER IT!!! Nothing is crappier and sets a relationship back then revealing something important and having the other person space on it. And it also sets up conversation for the next time you meet!!!

 

[SingaporeGuy]

Hey dude, cool that you responded by the way!! I was in HS at SAS in Woodlands for three years and living off Orchard Rd in Leonie Condotel. I love Singapore man, and had some of my best times there. Are you still living there? Where at? I have some good friends still residing in Arcadia near Holland Village. I heard there is a huge casino going up near the Merlion, is that true??

But yeah, people love to talk about themselves and its nice if you are shy because you can just ask them questions and never really have to talk about anything. But I think a key is to really listen and remember what they're saying. In conversation, especially with really chatty people, I always pick up on something they are saying and hold onto a question about it until they take a break from talking. Then I ask it, but in that process never soak in what they were really saying in the first place.

I have been trying to keep a "reverse journal", where instead of writing things about me and what happened in my day, I keep it about other people and whats going on in their lives. Its much easier and feels great to know and remember much more about other people I care about!!

Singapore keep on keeping on brotha!! And thanks for the Re...

haha, i dont exactly know which part of orchard u live in, but i suppose its some sortof area where the rich people stay? yea, they are making a multi billion casino here..i dont live near the place where u lived in. i at the west, residing on the calm HDB flat.