Being too Serious around People!

[Richey]

Its a pickle ive been in since i started going to parties, i can turn up to them but after say half an hour my toungue is tied and i just go quiet.

not sure if its lack of energy, this is how i act around family and friends too and its affected my ablity to fit into any cliques., My attempts at humour are so forced and alot of the time come off as lame. I can tell by how people react to how I interact, if they screw their noses up at me.

There seems to be a difference between my general knowledge and communicating it outwardly with any confidence at all.

Anyway, thats all, i think its a major part of my SA...because it makes me not want to say anything if i come across as awkward all the time. People dont want that, they want constant fun and a genuine laugh, especially the people i work with, i want to be more involved, but it takes a little longer to find the right words, and sometimes i just dont know what other people are talking about so i stay out of it

Im really challenged to find anyone to talk to these days that want to hang around, they want edgyness, thats what it is, and if i cant show it then i can understand their decision to not want to.

 

[Danfalc]

Heya Richey.. i think pretty much everyone can relate to where your coming from with this one :? ive never had the gift of the gab.. and since having sp ive like retreated so much into myself and lost so much confidence.. i struggle ordering a pack of ciggies at a shop.. because i find is so difficult to communicate with people.

For me i think alot of its because i think so negativley and judge myself about my voice..anyway i read quite alot and ive started reading aloud.. and its helping me practice my speech because im reading novels you get a range of situations to practice adjusting like ya tone ect I think that might help if you feel the way you talk is kinda flat and forced.. alot of the time its not whats said but how its said which gives somthing more meaning.

 

[Moonie]

I can completely relate to your post. The problems that I have: I am too serious, I come across as awkward, I lack energy.

And sometimes when someone is joking with me I can't pick up on it. I remember one time in HS my locker buddy said to me, "Come on. Hurry up." I sort of gave him this cocky look and mumbled, "Shutup," -- but it was inaudible I think. Then he sai,d "I was only joking."

I also cannot relate to the edginess that you speak of. It just seems like so many people share this same sense of humor and way of life. In a way, I am glad that I don't fit so easily into this mold. But a part of me wants in. Nothing I do comes out naturally.

 

[hamandcheese]

As somebody said already, I think everyone can relate to this in one way or another.

I'm quite a chatty and friendly person and I have no problems having a laugh with people.

I'm the complete opposite of a party animal though and I'm constantly being told that I'm boring or that I'm being lazy.

 

[JamesMorgan]

The only reason anyone becomes 'too serious' is because they let themselves fall into the trap of relating to their self in a completely unrealistic, distorted and contaminated way. Contaminated by negativity. Like looking in a mirror and seeing some deformed creature out of the Lord of the rings. Its not us, this painful experience of 'ourself'. Its a phantom.

What you say is what we all experience from time to time. Most people can act through it, some people have trouble really enjoying themselves because they are constantly relating to this phantom of their own distorted making.

The most important thing to remember and this is important, drum roll............the self you relate to at these times is a fabrication of your mind, it is completely limited and unreliable, don't trust it as being who you are. It should be laughed at, why, because its a joke your mind is playing on you. This is why people who laugh at themselves get to know their real self.

The real you is peacefully under the surface but in times of social interaction your mind goes a little crazy and you start seeing your self differently. Then you focus on this creation and it gets out of hand leading to all sorts of non sense.

YOU are not 'too serious' remember that. You don't need to try too hard, when you do, you forget who you are.

James

 

[elProscrito]

I feel the same. usually before a party i think about possible topics of conversation, but they run out quickly. then i just sit alone or slip out of the party. especially when there are new people.
i don't go often to parties though