Being the odd-man-out

[dazedandconfused]

Hey guys!

I'm not here to complain about a lack of friends, or discomfort around them, but I have this nagging paranoia that won't go away.

My group of friends started out just as that - friends.

As time progressed, members of our little group (10 or 11 people) started asking other people in the group out. Unfortunately, I had a falling out with a girl in the group that I was planning to ask out, and she was picked up by another one of my friends.

This is the problem. I'm one of the inner-members, so I hang out with the other people a lot. Unfortunately, they all are couples. A lot of times I end up being the 3rd, 5th, or even 7th wheel (couple and me, 2 couples and me, 3 couples and me). This is really annoying to me, because I feel like I'm intruding upon their privacy. I've asked a couple of the girls and guys about it, and they assure me that I'm the only one who feels that way, but I still can't get the thought out of my mind. We're all great friends, but am I intruding by hanging out with them when they're in couples?

 

[IceLad]

I know where you are coming from, but I wouldn't worry about it dazedandconfused. I don't think you are intruding at all.

You did a sound thing by asking them outright, and I'm sure if they ever wanted any time to themselves, they would let you know.

Look at the situation as a big bunch of friends hanging out, rather then there being a certain amount of couples and you.

 

[Quixote]

A lot of times I end up being the 3rd, 5th, or even 7th wheel (couple and me, 2 couples and me, 3 couples and me).

haha that happens to me every single time I happen to be in a group of people: the group quickly separates into pairs of people, each carrying on whatever conversation they happen to be engaged into, and I am walking either in front or in the rear of the row. I have a couple of funny pictures of groups which included me as a member (for a short time): everybody happily chatting and a strange guy trailing behind in solitude...

But look at the positive aspect, I don't even have such a group of friends, not even one good friend in truth! 8) (I use this emoticon because I am trying to use the method of positive thinking)

And your friends probably don't mind, especially if you are an old friend of theirs, they wouldn't want to lose you as much as you don't want to loose them, most likely. Besides, even if you were not there, the other six-eight people would be, what's the difference if they are also couples, a lot intimacy is not possible anyway. It could be different if you had only recently known them, in this case there could be some risk of being sort of "forgotten", but it's not your case.

 

[spikefan777]

I know what it's like to feel like a 7th or 8th wheel. I don't know, I think you did the right thing by telling a friend how you felt. Has anything improved at all?

 

[dazedandconfused]

Things have improved a bit since my last message. Recently I talked to some of my better friends about their general attitudes towards me. I'm really close to all of them, they talk to me about things, they confide in me, and they hang out with me, but normally they seem to assume it's ok if they treat my stuff poorly, or myself because I've always been one to let things like that slide. Even though I know they are 100% kidding while making fun of me, sometimes it gets annoying. It also gets annoying to see my belongings constantly treated like trash.
After discussing this with my friends, they agreed that I usually play the nice guy roll, and let too many of the little things slide. They are treating me much better, but they are still jokingly picking on me, which I'm 100% OK with!
As for the extra wheel thing, it's not that I feel like I'm out of the group. It's just that it seems like I sometimes get in the way when they want to make out with eachother or something. I'm definitely over this paranoia, because I just realized that they will make out wether I am there or not! LOL
Thanks for the feedback guys. It motivated me to ask my friends about this kinda stuff.