Being the "kind" one brings out the WORST in peopl

[Reholla]

Also,

ps: it's really ignorant to be so rude to people who handle things you are about to put in your mouth

if youre referring to the employees spitting in customer's food, yeah I am not "ignorant" like you claim i am, on this phenomena. I don't think being assertive and requesting something I am paying for qualifies for being a difficult customer, like most cases this happens in. That is THEIR conscionce, if they reeeeeaaaaallly feel the need to do that, they might wanna get anger management sessions started up. You dont get paid to spit in peoples food. See, I would never spit in some one's food, thats like doing drugs to forget your problems. You arent solving the problem in a healthy way. I guess thats why people get so pissed if i share my point of view, because they dont know how to deal with their own. So they choose to spit in to say, oh i will really show her. It shows how resentful of people they are. I have been treating people the same for years of dealing with the public food industry, like the people they are. And i havent noticed anything in my food or it tasting different, if they have spit on my food, it hasnt bothered me a bit

 

[Reholla]

i'm just burnt out from customer service and need anger management.

then dont take it out on this thread please

 

[ben12]

Maybe you forgot the TITLE of this thread.

Kindness brings out the WORST in people. You of all people should know this. I feel sorry for you if you cant stad up for yourself.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

thanks for judging me. you dont know me. "aint got no time for no haters." thankuverymuch.

where is your support for saying i am a "brat"?? oh thats right you have none. I would never accuse, call names, etc that all you people do on here to people you dont even know. Wow, i mean to take the time to write all of that negativity out...it shows it really bothers you. I feel really sorry for you.

I think i will stick with the reality that, YEAH, there are rude people out there. And here is an article i found, since none of you lovely people are helping. (if i am being accurate there were like 2 who did).


http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/259321/neutralize_those_annoying_putdowns.html




this thread is DUNZO....yall can say whatever the hell else you want, because your credibility went out the window when you chose to respond to this the way you did.[

no wonder none likes u!!!!!!

 

[ilunga]

woooww i dont think ive ever been called a noob in my life- congratulations you are the first.

im not saying im uber confident, but i definitely dont have problems with confidence. also, i know a lot of confident people- my beauty queen professor, for one- who shares with us countless stories about inappropriate/rude scenarios shes been in. i think of her as being verry confident.

the difference is, confident people are SECURE enough w/ themselves to share crap like this. These kind of situations happen to everyone whether you admit it or not. people who dont "bring up stuff like this" are the ones too insecure to admit it. im sorry but that would SUCK not to be able to vent about stuff like this b/c it happens EVERY day.

my whole reason for writing this is that its happened MORE lately- and i just wanted people to be able to share if they had similar experiences.

I always thought that people with SA have low selfconfidence, that selfconfidence is the main reason of SA. You say you are confident but my humble opinion is that you aren't, otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum and talk about this sort of things. I mean they are hurting you and they shouldn't, this kind of things are hurting me too but they shouldn't they are too banal. Anyway I think that confidence and selfconscience are the main problems.
p.s. sorry for bad english, I am from eastern europe

 

[Reholla]

I always thought that people with SA have low selfconfidence, that selfconfidence is the main reason of SA. You say you are confident but my humble opinion is that you aren't, otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum and talk about this sort of things. I mean they are hurting you and they shouldn't, this kind of things are hurting me too but they shouldn't they are too banal. Anyway I think that confidence and selfconscience are the main problems.
p.s. sorry for bad english, I am from eastern europe

well I thought I had SA yearssssss ago. I was just really shy, and I am not that way anymore. I am not here to debate my self-confidence with you or anyone on this forum. My friends in real life are the ones who can answer this question, and i already know how I think (which should be the most important to everyone, not what OTHER people think of you). It would be a silly thing to do over a forum, for some one to claim he is cnfident or uncofident, how can you tell? you cant..
We're not talking about confidence here, but rather kindness.

This has been on my heart lately, it is well-known to most people but it never hurts to reread, and definitely doesnt make it any less true:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may cheat you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa

love love LOVE it...

 

[Slothrop]

It would be a silly thing to do over a forum, for some one to claim he is cnfident or uncofident, how can you tell? you cant..

...but yet...

confident people are SECURE enough w/ themselves to share crap like this. These kind of situations happen to everyone whether you admit it or not. people who dont "bring up stuff like this" are the ones too insecure to admit it.

That's painting with a broad brush, don't you think? And more than a little presumptuous. Dismissing people that don't subscribe to your interpretation of events as insecure liars is unproductive, at best. At worst, it perpetuates the problem, as this irritability (not kindness) is likely to bring out the worst in people.

Maybe "insecure" is too loaded of a word, but whatever you want to call it, there is something wrong when a person interprets fairly mundane and neutral interactions as being profoundly hostile to them specifically. This is a pretty pervasive characteristic of social anxiety, and it sounds like exactly what you're experiencing. That's why you have so many people trying to tell you this.

I know you want someone to confirm your belief that kindness brings out the worst in people, but you ought to consider the possibility that that isn't true, and that thinking it is is what keeps you from understanding how to make it better. Holding on to that only makes you point to yourself as a victim powerless to do do anything about it.

 

[Marie1988]

yeh i must admit you remind me of myself a little bit, and i think the reason you get so defensive when someone is questioning ur reasons for not wanting nutts is because you feel you are being attacked in some way, or u thought that the guy was being rude because he could get away with it, therefore u go into defensive angery mode to prove to people your not a push over, it wasnt the nutts that bothered u, or even the guy, it was the principle, and it was the pattern of this behaviour you were fighting out against.
I can relate to you, im also a really kind person, i dont do people favours expecting them in return kinda thing, but when i feel people are starting to take advantage of that, i get defensive and then say cause an arguement to prove im kind, not because i am shy and want to impress you, but because i geniunly enjoy being kind, but piss me off and ill fuck u up.
but ive also been told im over sensative, like i take rudeness as a personal insult rather than just someone that is ignorent and doesnt have the manners that i was taught to have as a child.
for example, at birthdays and stuff i always go to every birthday! if i can make it like. but alot of people just dont go, that just dont want to. and i intitialy feel pissed off like i make the efort, and other dont! but u gotta rememeber not everyone operates like that. infact MOST people dont think of others very much, and i think we just think of others to much. you need to be more selfish. and yeh, if u dont want nutts, you dont want the nutts! ur paying money, so tell them to take of the nutts! why would u pay money for something u dont want? i think u were 100% in the right on that one.
i think saying ur confident over and over again pissed people here off, because theres so many posts from people saying they want confidence and wish they had it, u saying it over and over again annoys them because they feel if u r confident u should be able to deal with it. so why are u posting on a site for people with low self esteeem?
i dont think ive ever posted anything on this site about my problems, becuse like you, i am confident, and i know the advice of people who are unconfident isnt going to help me, because they wouldnt approach the situation how i would.

 

[Reholla]

Hey Marie1988,

thanks for your thoughts. its nice to find a kindred spirit on here afterall...

yeah i wasnt planning on bringing up confidence on here, but somehow it came up. i later re-clarified my point wasnt to prove whether i am or am not confident.

pretty much everything you said i agree with. i have definitely changed lately, years ago when i went to my school counselor and flat out said, i think i have SA... well the first one looked at me, and blew it off, handed me some brochures and sent me out. I contacted some one else, explaining what happened. And he was a lot more willing. We actually did this test- like a physical test they hook you up to a machine, for the life of me i cant remember the name. But he was just like, this doesnt show you have issues with anxiety at all.. he was really nice and at least listened to why i felt that way and gave me advice. But ok, so during this time, I dont remember having many problems with people-- but i felt depressed. People close to me noticed it, and though i was never clinically depressed i didnt feel like my old self.

Well since then i have not been depressed once. Because ive learned to not internally supress it anymore. I flat out tell people if i have a problem with them (no i dont walk around looking for stuff, i have a life and would rather not spend time on such non sense... but day - to -day in convos people sneak things in, either with the way they word things, or their tone, and you honestly have to be on guard or people will accuse you FALSELY i might add if you are kind)... ok so i dont think there is anything that could happen right now that could depress me. I havent talked about it much on this forum but a LOT of traumatic things have happened- that i wont go into detail about.. But i am ANGRY like you say. how people are so disrespectful makes me angry-- not depressed like i used to be. They say, "depression is unenthusiastic anger." All i know, is i have the ability to be happy now, genuinely happy and enjoy things- but thats if people arent intentionally a holes.

but you bring up such a good point about me just needing to learn to not take it so personal. truly, some people have no idea what being civil is, they werent brought up that way. but some people- like profs- im like you should really know better. thats why the only karma i believe in are in the form of TEACHER EVALUATIONS!!! haha karmas a bitch... and its gonna bite the 2 horrible psycho drama crazed profs i have had this semester in the... you know where.

i agree with most and relate to everything you said in your post. but ONE thing stuck out to me- you said to be more selfish?
No one can convince me that our world needs ANYone to be more selfish- this can easily be proven to be the center of all of our problems. in fact it has been, if you look into philosophy and theology.
But i only say that, to say this- people wish they could be unselfish like us. YOU KNOW they cant be happier. they deep down wish they could adopt some honorable traits but some people just dont have it in them. think about all the people in the world, do you look up to the ones who are selfish or selfLESS- i am not saying be masochistic. but just honorable, kind, have interests other than themselves..

yeah you are smart for not posting anything like that on here- i mean it obviously went over so well!!! as u can tell!

but hopefully it wasnt about who is confident. i am just saying even if you are kind people resent you. Its like be mean, be a hater, and hate life and everyone?? Or try to be a kind and good person, hate life some days because of the morons who dont know how to be anything but miserable??

I dont know if you get what i am trying to say-- but some one wrote it best on this thread when they said, "yeah people are mean to antagnostics too, poor babies."

you know fighting resentment with more resentment gets u no where- "living an eye for an eye will leave the world blind."

ok last thought on this:

i love CS Lewis, one of the greatest authors of our time. And his thinking is just beyond wise.. this is one of my favorite quotes from him:
"Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either"

it makes sense. only people who try to do good, does stuff like this bother. because they know the difference. think about it, put yourself in a position of a mean-spirited person (ew i know haha jk).. they are already miserable, and already have this fixed outlook they feel they have no control over and have pretty much decided to not even care anymore. so another mean person comes a long, and they have one of their rude, lets make things more complicated than it has to be- "discussions". whatever resentful feelings are left, and next to talk to the mean-spirited person is a,.... NICE person, just trying to do their best and enjoy life. The mean person still has their same outlook, and the fact that he or she hates life does not change. He treats the nice person just the same as he treated the mean person because... he doesnt know the difference.

I know that seems like its a big tangent, but your comment made me think of that. but yes this is probably the last post like this one i will put on here...