being assertive

[RND_CHR]

Hey guys,
I know being assertive is a problem a lot of people have, even people outside of this forum. It's hard to tell when to be assertive and it's hard to hurt other people's feelings. I've always faulted myself for not doing it when I needed to and consequentially, I allowed myself to get taken advantage of. But I had a big problem recently with a roommate not paying rent. It really wasn't my problem, it was another roommates problem but he couldn't take care of it so I did. I talked it over a lot, and I decided to kick out the roommate who was not paying rent. The first time I talked to him about rent, I couldnt do it. But i kept getting madder, and over the next few days, I told him I was kicking him out and got my money back that he owed me for covering his rent. Since then, my friendship with him has improved so much. He's much nicer to me now. I dont think I could do it again, but atleast I did it and don't have anything to feel bad about because if anything, things are better now. All I'm saying is that even though I have days where i feel like a coward for not talking to girls, at least I have this and hopefully it'll help me at some point. It was hard and I made mistakes doing it but it gave me more self resepect.

 

[DASwife]

This one is so hard for me as well. Thankfully I have a husband who takes care of most of my assertive crap for me (or maybe not so thankfully, because it kind of enables me lol), so I don't have to worry about it so much. But yeah, for me it gets so bad that once I was going to get a tattoo that I absolutely hated, just because the tattoo artist was being pushy about not wanting to draw it again. Luckily I ended up forcing myself to speak up and it turned out well.

Just keep pushing yourself, and the poster above me is right, its all about those baby steps.

 

[Quiet Angel]

Assertiveness has been a lifelong challenge for me, unfortunately, but I'm striving for improvement. The mass majority of my friends are bossy, controlling, and manipulative, but I'm desperate for connection because I don't have many. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one out there with this problem.

 

[x000x]

I can't let people down. I just really feel like I have to help them out, if they want me to help. One problem I'm having today is with my mom making decisions for me. She invited my friends to stay over at my house tonight and I couldn't say "no". My friends are having a hard time at home, but my mom does this kind of thing a lot. I wish I cold just say what I was feeling. I have more stuff to say about assertiveness, but I'll save it for a later post.

 

[BlackKids]

Of course you can be assertive again. You've just proved that to yourself

 

[danstelter]

Yes, you are right, this is a great demonstration that you can be assertive and that you can do it! Sure, it is hard in other areas, but all you have to do is your very best and things will work out all right. For example, some days you might not be able to talk to women, but others you might be able to and do a good job of it. You weren't able to do it at first with this guy, but then you did, so great work and keep building on it. You won't do perfectly at being assertive, no one does, but you have success to build on so keep at it!