BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST TO BLAME?

[a20z130]

HEY PEOPLE! WHAT'S UP? WELL, I'M 20 AND I THINK I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY. ACTUALLY I'M PRETTY SURE I DO. AND I THIK ITS STARTING TO MAKE ME DEPRESSED, WHY? BECAUSE I FEEL SO ALONE. I MEAN I FEEL LIKE I'VE DRIVEN EVERYONE AWAY.. PUSHED PEOPLE OUT AND I THINK ITS BECAUSE OF SA. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE I WAS YOUNGER. NOT AS BAD... BUT STILL HAD IT. AS A KID I HAD FRIENDS I WOULD DO THINGS AND HAVE FUN BUT SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN ELEMTARY SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL I FOUND MYSELF ALONE ALOT. I DON'T KNOW I JUST REMEMBER ON WEEKENDS IN 4TH-8TH GRADE JUST HANGING AROUND MY ROOM AND LISTENING TO CDS.. AND WATCHING MUSIC VIDEOS ON VH1.. THEN WATCHING SHOWS ON MTV.. YEAH I WOULD SEE FRIENDS BUT DONT U THINK THAT SOMEONE THAT AGE WOULD NORMALLY ALWAYS BE DOING STUFF ALWAYS INVOLVED BEING AROUND EVERYONE.. I WAS JUST THAT GIRL THAT WROTE IN A DIARY WROTE SONGS.. READ LISTENED TO MUSIC WATCHED MOVIES.. SHOWS.. MUSIC VIDEOS... AND LIVED IN MY OWN HEAD.. IS THAT WRONG? SHOULD I HAVE BRANCHED OUT MORE? SHOULD I HAVE MADE MYSELF BECOME INVOLVED IN ACTIVITIES AND CLUBS..? DID IT MAKE ME NERVOUS WHEN I HAD TO? IDK I WOULD FIND MYSELF ALONE ALOT IN 8TH GRADE ALWAYS SITTING AT HOME BUT ENJOYING IT.. SO WHAT IM ASKING IS.. WAS THIS MY FAULT?

 

[AlleyCat]

I've asked myself that very same question many times. I wish I knew exactly what causes SAD. Is it genetic, environmental, a little of both? I don't know how many times I've asked myself if I grew up somewhere else, around other people would I be different or was it just meant for me to have this? I have a problem of wanting to blame myself for having social anxiety and it isn't really healthy for me because all it does is make me feel even worse about myself. For me, sometimes I enjoy being a loner. Sometimes I just prefer being alone. Sometimes I hate it. Try not to blame yourself. I don't think anyone did anything to deserve to have this.

 

[itchy]

I guess if we had killed someone and then started trying to justify it by saying I had psychological problems, at the end of the day there wouldn't be anyone else to blame but ourselves for killing the person....but deciding to stay home instead of going out partying etc...well there's nothing wrong with that at all, we've just followed our heart and our instincts. We haven't hurt anybody...I don't see how we could be to blame for any of this...it's like, I tried to be normal and socialise etc when I was a teenager but I just couldn't fake it....I enjoyed being alone, that's where I was most happiest so I don't think anyone could blame me for wanting to spend a lot of time alone...

I guess the point is, life isn't fair, we don't all get dealt the same hand, but it's what we do with the hand we're dealt that's important.

 

[Septor]

It's no one fault.We didn't choose this.All we can do is make the best of what we have.

There could be many reason for sa .Some have to with genetic which make a person more predispose to sa.It could be environmental,bad childhood.Some people could even have some thing like Asperger Syndrome.I think sa come from a lot of different places.

 

[crescent]

I used to be sad and sorry with myself too because I'm not sociable, I have few friends, I seldom go out, not up to date with the latest gossip, etc. But now I'm over it, I realize that being loner and not sociable does not make us a bad person. We are just socially incapable and that's not a fault, it's more like a trial that we have to bear in this world. And believe me that everyone has their own trials and problems, even those who looks like always having fun.

I'm now able to accept myself, though fear of social event and others still there, but at least I don't feel bad about myself. You don't need to, it's just add to your burden. If you never mean to be bad, then believe that you are not a bad person.

 

[brownbag]

yeap, don't blame yourself. we simply acted on instinct and feelings at the time, just as any other non-sa person did, just that ours was going in this direction.

so don't blame yourself at all for this

 

[itchy]

We are just socially incapable and that's not a fault, it's more like a trial that we have to bear in this world. And believe me that everyone has their own trials and problems, even those who looks like always having fun.

I agree!

 

[shipost]

No its not that, I used to be extremely socialable when I was younger and was never in! its just events that make you like it imo

 

[Maggot]

I used to blame myself alot for being alone, so i can really identify with what you are saying. But if you think about social anxiety as a disease then do you really think you chose to get this disease? im sure any one of us here would say no to that answer.
Its important for all of us to remember to give ourselves a break. People with anxiety and expecially SA are constantly walking through life with fear and pain and i think that is a very heavy load to carry.

Basically what im saying is, Give yourself a break, Its not your fault at all.

 

[a20z130]

well up until i moved at age 9 and started at the new school i was so outgoing but i had a rough time when i first moved and didnt fit in with the people at school but eventually made friends im still friends with now..