been workin on this, like it, dislike it? Feedback please

Confuseddd

Well-known member
Those eye's are lookin bright
I see em shinin white light, Every one
is so invitin, what a natural sight
Everybody is feelin right tonight.
Yeah look at these fine people to my right
Take a look at all the women dancin to the music.

Every Body claps to the beat
Enough smiles to fill a sea, so
no one should have to leave.

Oh except for me..
Guess i just dont feel right,
somethings off, so i always skip a beat
So my smile looks uptight, so my eye's
look like night, Someone please explain
to me why i have to fight tonight?

No i'll just walk home while i bleed internally.


I think it only really sounds good when i read it, i make it sound almost melodic in my head.
 

just wanna b normal

Well-known member
Those eye's are lookin bright
I see em shinin white light, Every one
is so invitin, what a natural sight
Everybody is feelin right tonight.
Yeah look at these fine people to my right
Take a look at all the women dancin to the music.

Every Body claps to the beat
Enough smiles to fill a sea, so
no one should have to leave.

Oh except for me..
Guess i just dont feel right,
somethings off, so i always skip a beat
So my smile looks uptight, so my eye's
look like night, Someone please explain
to me why i have to fight tonight?

No i'll just walk home while i bleed internally.


I think it only really sounds good when i read it, i make it sound almost melodic in my head.

damn! thats nice!
 

Confuseddd

Well-known member
thanks i like it but only because i put some of myself into it. I have no idea what any one else would think
 
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