Been taking some big steps

redsoxfan

redsoxfan

Member
I've been housebound for almost what, like 2 years now or something. I might have been walking, talking, breathing, but it wasn't living. I had severe SP, aside from weekly therapy I did not leave the house. I've been on zoloft for quite some time now, but honestly I don't think it has done a thing. But anyway, recently I got the nerve to call up an old girlfriend I lost to this illness among other reasons, we've been talking lately and are going to start things back up, she's a beautiful person and is helping me leave the house and get over my agoraphobia. I've been out in public a few times now with her with little anxiety, it's a dream come true. But in about 2 weeks i've eaten next to nothing, my appetite is completely gone, I don't feel hungry or energy starved, I don't know what is going on(this started once I had first left the house, possibley it is just stress related? I try to eat small things because I know my body needs food but it usually ends in my vomiting because I feel so sick). I know now I am leaving the house, and I have someone in my life that cares for me and will help me, but I feel miserable? I don't know why but I can't kick this mood that feels like i'm in the deepest hole of a depression. I finally have reasons to get out of bed in the morning and more than ever I don't want to. I know it might sound crazy but I like to just open a wordpad and write for hours in self thought about whatever it may be that I have swirling around in that brain of mine, and usually afterwards I feel much better. I'm going to keep fighting and hope for the best, just remember never to give up, no matter how hopeless it seems.
 
Sapphira

Sapphira

Member
Hmm... are you honestly happy with the way things are going? It's good that you're getting some support from your ex-girlfriend, or should I say current girlfriend, but do you really feel like your agoraphobia is going away, or do you think you're just distracted with dating and stuff and that's helping you keep your mind off of it?

Perhaps your sub-conscious is resisting the change. I read somewhere that the sub-conscious gets used to our patterns. For instance, if you keep telling yourself over and over that you feel worthless, then the sub-conscious learns that. So then when you try to feel good about yourself, something still feels off... it's because you have to relearn things, so the best way to overcome it is to stick with it and make it a pattern. Does that make sense? I hope so.

Good for you for taking the steps to expand your comfort zone, that is a very hard thing to do and more than many people will ever accomplish.
 
ripewithdecay

ripewithdecay

Well-known member
"Two Competing Neurological Pathways in the Brain" is a theory i've been reading about in my CBT. It basically explains that the 'old' pathway (the one which contains your anxiety responses) is still open, but you have opened a 'new' pathway which you have just started to fill with positive thoughts. Even though you are adding to this new, healthy pathway, the old one is still very much alive and well at the moment. But every time you concentrate on the new one, the new thoughts, your old pathway gets weaker and weaker. You'll experience several 'setbacks'... but as long as you don't give up it is impossible for you to lose your newly gained positive thoughts. Hope this makes sense and helps out a bit.
 
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