lithium
Well-known member
So, I just feel like writing something down. Last night was unexpected. I hung out with my friend and my ex-girlfriend. To sum it up, she was my first girlfriend, and we fell in love.. blah blah. This was about 2 years ago. We broke up, and where on and off and whatever. Then we stopped talking for long periods of time. I had a really time getting over the whole break up. It was my first experience with love, and it was truly amazing how it makes you feel. Anyways, she has messaged me several times and I always refrained from responding too much. I wanted to stay away because I wanted to move on, and it was really hard to just hang out as friends, when I still had feelings. Gradually, I have felt that I was over it. We started hanging out a little recently. And last night, we decided to smoke a lil' bit of mary jane. Anyways, I haven't in like a month, and I just felt like letting loose. We did it, and I got high. It was really weird though. I already had started to feel this warm feeling towards her again, but this time it was amplified, probably because of the weed. Being with her was hard, I wanted to hold her, and just be affectionate.But I knew that it was over between us. I didn't want to make it awkward. So, the night consisted of us walking and chilling in my car and my friend's car. We laughed a lot, but inside I was burning. I wanted to go home, I was feeling bad inside. Anyways, when it was time to go, she wanted a hug, and I just said no. I couldn't do it. I don't know why. I drove away and she was a little upset. I think. Or maybe it was just me. The drive home, I just cryed, until I got home and listened to some music and cried a lot. It felt really good, because I've been so numb for such a long time about this, that actually feeling something felt great. So I pretty much cried and fell asleep. I wonder if she felt how I did, if she felt anything towards me, how I did towards her?? I would ask, but I just can't. Its too hard, and I want to be strong, and keep moving ahead. Maybe this is just a minor set-back, I don't want to fall into this depression again. I've had this for too long. So, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I apologize for the disorganization of my story. I just didn't know how to word it, so I just let it flow.