Anonymous
Well-known member
Inpenetrable rant ahead; I forget about normal punctuation when I freak. Bad trait for a copy editor...
Why can't I function remotely normally?!????
It's Friday and our supervisors are out for the day (which normally means a more relaxing day). But now everyone pitching in for pizza to eat as a department at lunchtime. Mind you I always eat lunch alone on the Net. But I couldn't even come up with a way to explain that I'm low on cash and brought my lunch this morning (hell I was almost late cuz i was making it at the last second). Not to mention that I'm already considered the quiet freak of the dept. and don't know how long I'll be able to keep this job... and I have not much to talk about with these folks who have their nice normal lives cuz I hardly ever go out anymore, never have any fun anymore, almost no friends, do a lot of web surfing, etc. I'm 31 and stuck at home cuz I went broke last year and feel like such a complete loser about it, esp. around all these smart, attractive 24 year olds who are almost married, make way more than I do and drive nicer cars and own houses when i can't even afford rent and have been working since I graduated from college over 8 years ago but no matter what i do i can't get past entry level even though my IQ tests at over 130...WTF is my problem??? (well besides SA, AVPD, ADHD, cigs, weed, and lots of pathetic loserly tendencies, no apt, no S.O., no life to speak of, a loooong commute for not enough money, constant stress at work, stress at home because I can't afford to live alone....) At this rate I'm never going to make anything of my life, the potential is already wasted so why tell me why should i bother anymore? By the time I get out of debt enough to think of getting a real life back I'll be in my 40s if I can survive that long, which I seriously doubt the way I've been feeling lately.... which is worse than ever even though in some ways my life itself has been worse before (yeah, like a couple of months ago). Sorry this was incomprehenxible and stupid. And I get so wigged out over stuff like this at work for no reason (i was fine until I was told about pizza, and learned just how **young** the 24-yr-old perfect-lifer designer making way more than me with the condon that she complains is too small and her BF with money and her better car and short commute and bubbly personality and everything going well while I'm stuck in f(*^(** hell and have to smile or look like I can't handle my easy, boring-ass job (and I CAN'T handle concentrating on proofreading when I'm freaking......)
And I never used to be a jealous person.... only afetr I realized that the life I always wanted is impossible for me.......
And if I lose this job (my first job in over a year after a layoff and being assaulted by my ex-GF when we were living together after she took all my money) I doubt I won't not kill myself... and I don't think I'm well liked here.
Thanks for listening.
Why can't I function remotely normally?!????
It's Friday and our supervisors are out for the day (which normally means a more relaxing day). But now everyone pitching in for pizza to eat as a department at lunchtime. Mind you I always eat lunch alone on the Net. But I couldn't even come up with a way to explain that I'm low on cash and brought my lunch this morning (hell I was almost late cuz i was making it at the last second). Not to mention that I'm already considered the quiet freak of the dept. and don't know how long I'll be able to keep this job... and I have not much to talk about with these folks who have their nice normal lives cuz I hardly ever go out anymore, never have any fun anymore, almost no friends, do a lot of web surfing, etc. I'm 31 and stuck at home cuz I went broke last year and feel like such a complete loser about it, esp. around all these smart, attractive 24 year olds who are almost married, make way more than I do and drive nicer cars and own houses when i can't even afford rent and have been working since I graduated from college over 8 years ago but no matter what i do i can't get past entry level even though my IQ tests at over 130...WTF is my problem??? (well besides SA, AVPD, ADHD, cigs, weed, and lots of pathetic loserly tendencies, no apt, no S.O., no life to speak of, a loooong commute for not enough money, constant stress at work, stress at home because I can't afford to live alone....) At this rate I'm never going to make anything of my life, the potential is already wasted so why tell me why should i bother anymore? By the time I get out of debt enough to think of getting a real life back I'll be in my 40s if I can survive that long, which I seriously doubt the way I've been feeling lately.... which is worse than ever even though in some ways my life itself has been worse before (yeah, like a couple of months ago). Sorry this was incomprehenxible and stupid. And I get so wigged out over stuff like this at work for no reason (i was fine until I was told about pizza, and learned just how **young** the 24-yr-old perfect-lifer designer making way more than me with the condon that she complains is too small and her BF with money and her better car and short commute and bubbly personality and everything going well while I'm stuck in f(*^(** hell and have to smile or look like I can't handle my easy, boring-ass job (and I CAN'T handle concentrating on proofreading when I'm freaking......)
And I never used to be a jealous person.... only afetr I realized that the life I always wanted is impossible for me.......
And if I lose this job (my first job in over a year after a layoff and being assaulted by my ex-GF when we were living together after she took all my money) I doubt I won't not kill myself... and I don't think I'm well liked here.
Thanks for listening.
