Back in junior high...

[jschuley]

I have social anxiety disorder and it has been particularly distressing lately. I have a job in which I work on the weekends in a factory, two eleven hour shifts at ten fifty five an hour. Not too bad. The problem is eleven hours is a long time, and I have a lot of time to be awkward around my coworkers. Fortunately I work with a small group, two guys and two girls including me. We are all in our twenties.

So this other girl is very outgoing and talkative and she has made it a point to reach out to me and hang out with me and talk to me and eat lunch and take her breaks with me. Also, we both walk to work and we live pretty close to each other so we walk home together. So I thought we were on the road to a real friendship, until this past weekend... Another girl showed up, she will be working with us and all of a sudden my work friend turned her attention to this other girl and started making conversation with her instead of me, so I tried to talk to the new girl myself a few times, but she did not seem very receptive to me. I felt jealous like I was back in junior high. Then this new girl started talking to the jockish quarterback who is only two years out of highschool. He had never talked much, just sort of done his job, but now he and the new girl and my work friend are all laughing and talking and I cannot think of joining the conversation. This jockish coworker is just the kind of guy that made me miserable in high school, and I am too intimidated to talk to him. So I was left out. I haven't felt so left out and isolated and afraid to join a conversation since high school. I thought that part of my life was over.

So I have to go back into work this weekend starting tomorrow morning and I am dreading it. Where does this leave me and my old work friend? Should I challenge myself and force myself to join their conversation, and go so far as to introduce myself to the jockish guy and try to talk to him? I just don't want to feel like I did last weekend again. I don't want to be left out. Of course, I could be rejected. They could be standoffish and visibly judge me. I could not know what to say or stutter or say something incorrectly or nervously. I am just so fucked up, and it is very painful.

On top of this, my one true friend in this world, my gay best friend with whom I live, seems to be not connecting with me like he usually does... I don't know. It's like there has been awkwardness between us which is never the case. never. and that is greatly distressing to me. If I lost him I would lose the only person I feel truly close to, who knows me. Whatever there is to know of me. I feel like I'm not a whole person because I've been crippled by this disorder...

Can anyone relate?

 

[LonelyTraveler]

I can relate. Its hard to when friends turn their back on you. Suddenly your not the bright shiny new toy.

I have just left my twenties and I got to tell you I am more lonely now then I was before. Friendships can fade or disappear if you are not careful. The older you get the harder it is to start new friendships.

If I were you I would not force an approach with they guy you are uncomfortable with. Try to relax and when the group is talking if you happen to hear them talking about something you have a comment on do so. Most important thing I can say is don't force it. People can sense fear and when someone is being fake. Remember you are their to work not socialize. These people just happen do be the ones you are stuck with try to make the best of it.

As for the gay guy that is your friend that seems to be fading try to reconnect. Go to dinner or watch a movie together. And try to think if you have been dumping your problems on him too much if so ask him about what is going on in his life and let him vent. If you have not been then try to talk to him about the above situation.

The older a friendship is the more likely it can survive some dry spells. So the girl at work may have been a passing shower. Concentrate on the ones that stuck around and seems to care.

Its been a while sense you posted this so the above may no longer apply. But no matter what know that I feel your pain and you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Nack]

I'm sorry i can't offer a better advice. But, the thing is that you shouldn't do something like that to force yourself to have friends. It just doesn't work like that. Honestly, the friends that i've made, i wasn't even expecting them to be friends, it just sorta happened...I've been in situation like that a lot in high school. I tried to jump into conversation, but the way i am and the way i talk just don't fit into with those extroverted people.

 

[Iceman31]

High school goes on for the rest of your life, it seems.

I wonder if I could escape high school if I went to a monastery.

I always a monk at heart.

 

[jschuley]

I can relate. Its hard to when friends turn their back on you. Suddenly your not the bright shiny new toy.

I have just left my twenties and I got to tell you I am more lonely now then I was before. Friendships can fade or disappear if you are not careful. The older you get the harder it is to start new friendships.

If I were you I would not force an approach with they guy you are uncomfortable with. Try to relax and when the group is talking if you happen to hear them talking about something you have a comment on do so. Most important thing I can say is don't force it. People can sense fear and when someone is being fake. Remember you are their to work not socialize. These people just happen do be the ones you are stuck with try to make the best of it.

As for the gay guy that is your friend that seems to be fading try to reconnect. Go to dinner or watch a movie together. And try to think if you have been dumping your problems on him too much if so ask him about what is going on in his life and let him vent. If you have not been then try to talk to him about the above situation.

The older a friendship is the more likely it can survive some dry spells. So the girl at work may have been a passing shower. Concentrate on the ones that stuck around and seems to care.

Its been a while sense you posted this so the above may no longer apply. But no matter what know that I feel your pain and you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck.

thank you for your advice and kind words. The above situation has pretty much remedied itself. The jock guy quit my job, the new girl does not interfere much in my friendship with the girl I wanted to be friends with. In fact, I went out on Saturday night with that girl, and we got drunk and had a good time. It was a triumph for me, because in years I haven't made any friends except for those introduced to me by my gay friend. Things are going well, there too.

 

[weak]

Sounds like you and your friends work a long and tedious job. Socializing is the best way to pass the time. Realistically your friends are probably just bored out of their minds and talking with the new girl is just a way to kill time. Everything will go back to normal in a week or two I think.