LittleMissMuffet
Well-known member
Hi,
I'm back from an overseas trip.
Spent 8 days out of 10 on my own except when time was organised as a group and only went out at night once once. It was quite painful at times. But I was also lucky that a good number of people seemed accepting of me to an extent -they would be kind and considerate, although I was never truly accepted in anyone's clique.
BUt I discovered some great things, and these are....
1) That real life practise interacting with others takes years off of a social phobia and does something that thinking or planning cannot do. -However, there must be some catch, as I have 'stuck at it' before and only felt worse; and perhaps this something is being in situations where there are people but which are not (as) feared.
It is also interesting that studies have shown that the average person, when they are either isolated of rejected by others will quickly and easily spiral down into a state of low confidence and poor social skills!
2) That I have been unaware of how I approach people often with fear, nervousness, and apprehension. But that noticing this habit of mine in the moment that I am absorbed in doing it, seems to be enough for me to drop it just like that. ....this is a bit exhausting and I figure will take dedication on my part, but my goal is to be able to be consciously aware of my moods etc. ...and until I was aware that I was approaching people all nervous, I felt lost and helpless, with a lack of sense of control over my self; but now I feel like I can control how I react even if it will require vigilance monitoring my moods. (this is of course the same as being "mindful" in everday life)
3) Have a method for dealing with anxiety as it arises but watch that I do not dwell thinking or worrying about my anxiety; and adopt an alternative thing to focus upon. My theory is that thinking about anxiety (more than the bare minimum that is needed), like introspective thought or analysing, seems to be more of the same kind of personality characterstics that created the personality extreme of a social phobic.
Being calm and at ease with groups, however, is one aspect of my behaviour that is still too challenging for me right now, though. This situation, together with a few other scenarios, are things that I will probably have to work my way up to. They are areas of my life that are quite disappointing and which mean that I miss out.
....Just on the side now -my councelor more or less indicated that she wanted today's session to be our last. I am a bit disappointed as I wonder whether she simply does not care much for what I go through. People who have not experienced chronic isolation from others I don't think have the empathy to understand what it is like- nor the struggle and strain of having social anxiety. And I think that perhaps people dismiss people who they can't relate to, as in "Oh well, that's your lot in life" and get on with their own easy lives where they take so much for granted.
I think she also saw the need for me to think less about social anxiety, as well. But I am a little hurt that she could ignore how tough it still is for me being around others.
I'm back from an overseas trip.
Spent 8 days out of 10 on my own except when time was organised as a group and only went out at night once once. It was quite painful at times. But I was also lucky that a good number of people seemed accepting of me to an extent -they would be kind and considerate, although I was never truly accepted in anyone's clique.
BUt I discovered some great things, and these are....
1) That real life practise interacting with others takes years off of a social phobia and does something that thinking or planning cannot do. -However, there must be some catch, as I have 'stuck at it' before and only felt worse; and perhaps this something is being in situations where there are people but which are not (as) feared.
It is also interesting that studies have shown that the average person, when they are either isolated of rejected by others will quickly and easily spiral down into a state of low confidence and poor social skills!
2) That I have been unaware of how I approach people often with fear, nervousness, and apprehension. But that noticing this habit of mine in the moment that I am absorbed in doing it, seems to be enough for me to drop it just like that. ....this is a bit exhausting and I figure will take dedication on my part, but my goal is to be able to be consciously aware of my moods etc. ...and until I was aware that I was approaching people all nervous, I felt lost and helpless, with a lack of sense of control over my self; but now I feel like I can control how I react even if it will require vigilance monitoring my moods. (this is of course the same as being "mindful" in everday life)
3) Have a method for dealing with anxiety as it arises but watch that I do not dwell thinking or worrying about my anxiety; and adopt an alternative thing to focus upon. My theory is that thinking about anxiety (more than the bare minimum that is needed), like introspective thought or analysing, seems to be more of the same kind of personality characterstics that created the personality extreme of a social phobic.
Being calm and at ease with groups, however, is one aspect of my behaviour that is still too challenging for me right now, though. This situation, together with a few other scenarios, are things that I will probably have to work my way up to. They are areas of my life that are quite disappointing and which mean that I miss out.
....Just on the side now -my councelor more or less indicated that she wanted today's session to be our last. I am a bit disappointed as I wonder whether she simply does not care much for what I go through. People who have not experienced chronic isolation from others I don't think have the empathy to understand what it is like- nor the struggle and strain of having social anxiety. And I think that perhaps people dismiss people who they can't relate to, as in "Oh well, that's your lot in life" and get on with their own easy lives where they take so much for granted.
I think she also saw the need for me to think less about social anxiety, as well. But I am a little hurt that she could ignore how tough it still is for me being around others.
