Awkward family time

[lilmutegirl]

This weekend, we went to two family events (my ex-husband's family--he hasn't spoken to them in years, so my son, my boyfriend, and I were invited). The first was a pool party. I did not swim (at one point, I was the only person present who was not wearing a swimsuit). My ex's stepdad kept asking why I wasn't swimming and why I was wearing jeans (I am physically and emotionally uncomfortable in shorts). I mostly spent my time sitting around listening to other people's conversations and watching them swim.
The second one was a fancy dinner. My son was gushed over (as usual--he does not appear to have any problem socializing). During dinner was okay (we were all at one table), but afterward, people split off, and, again, I basically eavesdropped (mostly my boyfriend and ex's grandma).
On the upside, everyone loves my boyfriend and son, and were it not for me, these people would not know them. I do not have their abundant personalities, and it became glaringly obvious over the past couple of days...

 

[Ignopius]

I don't swim either. I have these dark purple stretch marks on my lower back. It makes me feel very insecure about being shirtless.

So I feel you

 

[Sacrament]

I went to the beach one time with my girlfriend and her parents. Felt very self-conscious about my stomach/torso and worried about taking my shirt off for days. When I got there I figured 'to hell with it'. It was warm and sunny, and I wanted to enjoy myself, and the only way I could do that was by making peace with the whole thing. At the end of the day, would you rather remember the event as something you were able to enjoy and have fun during (by shoving your fears aside), or something that should have been pleasant but got the best of you (because you allowed it to)?

 

[lilmutegirl]

Well, the thing is, I don't really like being in pools. It's not just being self-conscious about my appearance in a swimsuit (that is part of it, but I also have a tendency to get water up my nose/in my mouth, which is extremely physically uncomfortable). I have swam with these people before (in a very modest swimsuit that covered much of my body) and I still did not have fun. I tend to have the fact that I am not participating pointed out (repeatedly). This doesn't make me want to join in, but escape. What bothered me most about this situation is that I felt left out, but wasn't really interested in partaking in the activities, either...

 

[Sacrament]

So you went there just to please your family?

 

[lilmutegirl]

Basically, yes. We had committed to going, and my son wanted me there. There was also a family member who came from another state, so we don't see her often. I think I go to group gatherings out of obligation a lot, then feel uncomfortable when there. I skipped the last get-together and felt a little guilty.

 

[Sacrament]

Maybe you struggle to see the good in things and thus in finding them, and focus on the negative? Surely there are ways you can enjoy those gatherings.