Awkward. Afraid.

[polishgirl]

Hi! Didn't properly introduce myself here so I guess this would be the right time I'm from Poland (haha that's hard to guess) my name is Karolina and I'm 16. I don't know if I'm a sociophobic but I suspect so. The thing with me is that I am seen as very open and talkative but inside I'm very insecure. And closed. Awkward. Afraid of everything.

But what I actually wanted to write to you about is my fear of rejection and it's consequences. I can't stand it anymore. I feel I'm not worth anything, everybody is better than me, everybody is more worthy of attention. And relationships with family are I guess well-kept but then again, very chaotic. Friends aree close and yet don't know a thing about me.
But guys and forming any sort of contact, not even mentioning relationships are very hard for me. I know I'm not ugly, quite the opposite but I feel like my personality pushes every guys away. I'm too scared to even talk to one, afraid that I will be not what he expected, I will be not enough for him to feel attracted to me.

I know I'm 16. A lot to learn, to experience but I feel that it's deeper than a teenager having problems with creating relationships.I fear this will be forever, I will never feel good enough. I keep comparing to others, I keep isolating from the contact, breaking it, shutting myself down. But I'm still alone now more than ever.

I know this is typical for a sociophobic and probably you will find this post very typical and boring. But I guess what I'm asking is, how do you guys cope with this? Will it fade away eventually? Will I be able to feel that I'm good enough for someone EVER in my life? I can't take the constant thoughts and worries in my head, that block me from doing almost everything naturally. Everything has to be planned.

 

[planemo]

Well firstly welcome to the forums. I think most people here would be able to relate to what you said. How do I cope with not being able to make any relationships, due to feeling so worthless? I don't think I do in all honesty. I'm really alone, and desperate for friendship but my inhibitions are just too difficult to shake off. I wish they would go away, and I could have a life beyond my fears and insecurities. I've had a lot of humiliation, belittling and despair to deal with and of course this hasn't made things easier. I do think though that it can fade away, as you say, but it needs perseverance when one is outside of your comfort zone.

For me i think too much damage has been done, and i'm pretty much accepted being alone. But you have time and opportunity on your side, so not all hope is lost. It's not an easy road to travel on but we all travel on that road as well, so you're not alone.

 

[bitingthepea]

Dzien Dobry

I also know how your feeling. I fear rejection so just stay away from oppurtunities, for example this weekend i have a work christmas party but im that scared im going to call in sick the day before and the day of the party

I hope things pick up for you and you get inspired from joining us.

XX p.s My mum is Polish so i no bits and bobs of the langauge