AvPD making freshman year of college miserable

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Blackfire

New member
hey everyone, i'm fairly new to the site and i'm pretty sure i have AvPD and i'm really starting to feel the effects of it.

as stated in the title i'm a college freshman and i'm having a really hard time transiting and making friends, and being a psych major i knew there had to be a reason for it, so after numerous attempts to self diagnose i found that AvPD seemed to fit me perfectly.

a little bit of background on my current situation, its my second semester in college and i feel alone a lot. i don't have a lot of friends and the one's i do have are in the fraternity i joined in an effort to try to make friends, given it was a successful effort i still feel alone a lot. the thing is i know i'm alone, and i want to make friends, classes just started on tuesday so i thought this would be a good chance to make new friends, but i just can't bring my self to start a conversation with a stranger for whatever reason, its like i have 0 motivation to talk to new people even though i know i need to. i occasionally party with some of my frat brothers but other then that i don't really go to parties because i don't know where they are or how i would get to them, and it seems partying is a major social outlet in college that i feel im missing out on because i have so few friends.

i also have this terrible fear of rejection thats always inhibited me from forming relationships with girls. before college i don't think i noticed this as much because i had a group of friends and was content with them and occasionally meeting new people. when i got to college i noticed almost instantly how alone i felt and how lost i was in making friends.

i'm posting here because i don't know how to get 'unstuck' and i'm tired of being alone and depressed, so if you have any advise please don't hesitate to respond.
 
GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
Hello, Blackfire.

I kind of felt in a similar boat to you in college, although my freshman year was remarkably(?) 20 years ago or so. I was first diagnosed with social phobia/agoraphobia during my sophomore year, and was also a psych major. Whenever I suggested I was AVPD, people would say "that's not you." Well, meanwhile I'm a single guy with a small group of friends 20 years later.

To put it in even more perspective, the internet was just starting out in the US when I was in college. I never sent an email until I was in grad school. It's great that you can access a website like this to find support and help. I've always thought if I joined a fraternity, at least I would've been exposed to more women and dating situations. However, I did not. I had one semi-close female friend of all my housemates, who hung out with us for a couple years.

I would encourage you to continue with the fraternity, as long as it's a positive thing for you. Expose yourself to the social events and if you need additional psychological help, seek out your university health service or the like. College is both a fun and stressful time for most students. Even tougher when you experience anxiety and similar disorders. I'm happy that I graduated and pushed myself to attend class, but regret not interacting with more of the females my age being in one place. Seize the moment(so to speak) and push yourself as much as you can. You never know what can happen.

Good luck.
 
sleepyjess

sleepyjess

New member
Hey there. I'm new too - I don't really know if this will help, since I don't have much in the way of advice, but I'm going through the exact same thing. It's my second semester freshman year, and all I have are acquaintances. I had a very close knit group of friends in high school - they're like my brothers and sisters - so it's been really weird coming here and not having anyone. Partly I'm okay with this, because I like having time to myself, but I feel like I'm alone looking through a window at everyone else having fun sometimes, which makes me sound like a creepy stalker.

And sometimes I'm scared to go outside because I feel like I'm being judged by everyone around me, which makes it hard to talk to them, because I always feel like I'm being a bother or I'm not good enough for their attention.

Sorry to unload like this. But just know you aren't alone.

I've been thinking I might go talk to a counselor or something. Or just put myself in social situations and see who I end up just falling into a conversation with. Or I may just watch a lot of movies in the common room and see who joins me.

As for talking to girls - I can't speak for all girls of course, and I can't promise some girls aren't going to be stupid idiots who act like they're too good for everything, but most of us are pretty harmless. Maybe some of your frat brothers can introduce you to mutual friends or their girlfriend's friends or something. Also, as humans, we love to talk about ourselves. Ask a girl her major, which can lead into asking her her interests, what she's passionate about, stuff like that. That might sound a bit hypocritical, since I just admitted to being anxious around other people, but trust me on this one.

One of my best friends told me I should step out of my comfort zone every day, but I shouldn't leap out of it - just take small steps.
 
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bladeds

Active member
i just looked at AvPD on wikipedia , looks like i might have it. I'm in my first year of university and suffering from same problems you are having. I always thought it was just my ocd
 
Shant

Shant

Well-known member
Hey, I'm also kind of having the same issues as a college freshman; I've found that looking for groups and organizations and such to join helps out, but yeah, ultimately you need the motivation to pursue interpersonal relationships, or else they won't happen, and... I don't have that either. Wish I could help with that, I kind of can't help myself with it.

I wanted to consider psych for a major, but figured that it would involve a lot of socializing, which is why I avoided it. Then music, then linguistics, then nursing. But... now I'm an undecided major because I can't find a major with doesn't involve a lot of socializing. Heh.
 
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giantyx

Well-known member
i feel for you blackfire, becoz i went through a whole lot of hell in university, being alone most of the time, and sitting alone in tutorials and lectures, and the fear got to me and i began skipping alot of classes. fortunately i had the help of my sch counsellor and a few professors to guide me through the last 2 yaers, where i nearly gave up, and im thankful to them for that. the bad thing is my whole anxiety/ fear of speaking and making friends with others has not improved. and i am still jobless, bit part due to fear of getting into a new environment. u can try seeking help from ur sch counsellor at least if u dun mind.
 
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Duraldo

Well-known member
Let me tell you this, college sucks for making friends. This is my 6th... SIXTH ****ING YEAR in college (3rd at this one, 3 @ community). Know how many friends I have met the entire time? One. One friend. What's worse is I initially got to know this girl because I liked her...then I stopped, we were just friends for about a year, hell didn't even see her half the time. Now...I have strong feelings for her again and it really sucks. Sometimes I really think she feels the same about me, I don't intend to find out anytime soon, besides she supposedly has a boyfriend (who NO one, not even roommates have seen/met). Next year will be her last, then I will try something, might as well, I see if I do it now, I will ruin our friendship, and I really can't have that, I get along with her all too well.

I have tried talking to girls, hell I strike up convos all the time, most of the time I feel like an idiot, but o well. It seems most of the girls/ppl at school are too preoccupied with themselves to give you the time of day. People I talked to in class ignore me outside of class. I was given the impression that college would be awesome, I'd make ton of friends, beer kegs, etc. Nope, it's been a nightmare. Just don't expect much from college, people really suck. Hope it gets better for ya,
 
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