Avoidance and relationships

#1
I feel like a crappy friend. Which makes me want to avoid people even more. I don'thave a lot of close friends, there are very few people that I feel comfortable with and those are usually people I feel like I'm neglecting. Thankfully though, those few I can go weeks without talking to them and we're still just as close.

However, I have other "friends"..ones that smother me. They make me feel suffocated and I can't stand to be around them. I don't know how I seem to attract these people, but it always happens. I turn into their BEST FRIEND. I can be sarcastic and blunt and rude to people so I dont know why they think I need to be the one they confide in. Maybe I just can't say no to people. It just seems like these are the worst type of people for me to be around. They get clingy, jealous of my other friends, my family, my job..sleeping. .anything that might interfere with THEIR TIME with me. I end up putting off people who play more supportive roles in my life to juggle these needy friends.

I feel consumed.

In romantic relationships I've always felt better when it's slow. I can't stand PDA. I usually tend to break things off at any signs of commitment. I've thrown away people when they get too close, like self sabotage. I don't understand why.

It is hard to explain to people how awkward I am socially. I feel like I never portray my true face. It's like I'm an introvert hiding behind an extrovert. I can be loud and obnoxious at times. I will hug people or embarrass them(or myself) if I think it makes them uncomfortable. Mostly because people make me uncomfortable. I can't stand people hugging me..If they are trying to make me uncomfortable I can tolerate it and turn it around on them..but if someone thinks I NEED a hug or asks me to hug them because they need a hug I want to punch them in the face.

People consider me a funny, happy, loyal friend. Someone they can count on..and for the most part I live up to that...but it sucks. I would rather hang out on my couch, turn off my phone and read a book than spend time with people.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#2
ots sometimes quite difficult to tell what is introversion and what is avoidance pd imo..i too have had many friends in the past that were not good for me, wanted to hang out to much, created drama etc etc..i cut ties with them...im not awkward socially but i cant maintain relationships...like you, the closer someone gets i start to back away..there are many dynamics to a friendship and in many cases, i dont feel they are worth it..like you, so much of the time i just cant be bothered with people, i isolate myself but where has that gotten me as there are times i do want to be around others..
 
#3
I think that you should try to be more open. It is not your weakness that you share your feelings and thoughts, it is your strenght, because you can manage it.
I bet that many people have similar feelings to yours. Everyone needs a peace some time. Ask your friends whether they feel the same.
 
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