Attention from Men

[GreenEyedRedHead]

This is kind of for the women here. I know alot of us avoid looking at or talking to strangers, but do you go out of your way not to get noticed by men? I mean, when I go out just shopping and running errands, I wear jeans and an old t-shirt. I don't ever dress up and try to look nice, because I'm scared men will stare and want to talk to me. This might stem from the fact that I've had unwanted attention from men all my life. When I was younger, one of my uncles started giving me gifts and trying to spend too much time with me. Luckily, my mom noticed and put a stop to it before anything happened. During my teen years, I've had friend's boyfriends come on to me when the friends weren't around. I've had my own boyfriend's best friend come to our apartment when my boyfriend wasn't home, ask to use our phone, then pull out his d*** and say he's always had a thing for me and he can't take it anymore. I've never had a job where my bosses and/or male co-workers didn't do or say sexual things to me. At my last job, my manager got fired for trying to call me outside of work and getting obsessed with me. That was a humiliating experience. I actually felt guilty that he lost his job because of me! Anyway, in the last year I've gained 30 pounds. I'm beginning to think that I subconciously gained weight so that men don't find me attractive. Of course, I want to get in shape for my health but I don't want more men trying to talk to me. They don't seem to care that I wear a ring that says I'm taken. I don't think I'm that attractive at all. In fact, seeing pictures or video of myself will put me into a depression. Having red hair makes me stand out even more, which I can't help. I also look young for my age, which people always comment on. I'm 35, and I have a daughter who's turning 16. I've had people not believe me and ask to see my driver's license to check my age. It makes me especially uncomfortable when men learn my age and I feel like they're inspecting my face for wrinkles or something which makes me blush. I'm glad I'm not considered ugly by other people, but I'd like to be invisible sometimes.

 

[Nack]

Well, you must be very beautiful for those kinds of things to happen...

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i can somewhat relate to this.. but where it may make some people anxious and nervous to be looked at, it just annoys me and pisses me off, haha.. but not all the time, of course.. some people are truly just kind and want to let you know, i just don't like men who stare in a weird way or look at me like a piece of meat, it really just grosses me out! lol.. so i can certainly understand why this bothers you the way it does! i worked at a big car dealership for a while, right smack dab in the middle of the huge showroom at the 'front desk' ..the car salesmen (and managers) i worked with were mostly perverted jerks who thought that they had the right to talk to you like a prostitute! i made good money, and aside from the *******s, i liked other people i worked with, so i just had to suck it up.. they made their comments and stared, but the easiest thing for me to do was just act like i didn't hear them or see them.. when they would blatantly say something to my face, i'd just laugh or something, but not try to take it in and turn it into some kind of conversation like they wanted to... people will always have opinions, and there will always be people who, for some reason, think that they have a right to express their unwanted opinion to you (no matter how they do it, or what it's about), so just try to brush it off, don't even let it occupy your mind, it's their problem, they'll think what they think, and the more you ignore it, the easier it will be..

oh, and i love your 'signature'!! mitch hedberg is one of my favorites!

 

[GreenEyedRedHead]

You're right, Serafina, I can't control what guys find attractive or if they give me attention. I do get worried about people thinking I'm stuck up or a b**** because I ignore them. I have this thing where I want everyone to like me even if I don't like them. I don't think I'll ever consider myself any better than reasonably nice looking. Growing up, my family didn't tell each other how we feel. My parents would say, "Your new friend Karen is really pretty.", but I can remember only one time when they told me I was pretty. And that was when we were arguing. I've often wondered why men find me attractive. I've even asked a few if they thought I was flirting with them. My boyfriend (been with him for 17 years, but not married yet) says I come off as "cute". Just the other day at work, this 19 year old guy I work with suddenly says, " I'm in love with you." I kind of laughed it off. He's not a "threatening person" to me, so it didn't embarrass me really. I felt like asking him why, but I thought that would make me seem pathetic. This has happened to me numerous times in the past. There'll be a guy I work with, we talk occasionally or joke around at work, nothing sexual is ever said, I have no idea he's attracted to me, then one day he just blurts out that he's in love with me. When I kind of laugh it off or remind him I'm taken, sometimes the guy won't talk to me again.

 

[GreenEyedRedHead]

Katie, if I got that job and they showed me where I'd be sitting, I'd have to quit. lol With me it depends on the person who says something to me. Depending on how attractive they are or how aggressive, I can either laugh it off or I get really embarrassed and turn red. I feel like I want to run away sometimes. I don't know if I mentioned it but I work at a really busy restaurant. Four days a week, I'm an assistant manager. Two days a week, I wait on tables. Waiting on tables is probably one of the worst jobs to have when you have SA. I've had guys at my tables says very sexual things to me right in front of their wives. Most people are O.K., but when I see that I get a table of like six businessmen or college guys, I either give it to someone else or I have to force myself to go over there. Even if they don't say anything to me, I worry that they talk about me when I walk away. The days when I'm a manager are alot better. I just make sure everything runs smooth. I just started taking Xanax a few weeks ago, so it's helped me alot at work. I'm starting college in the fall for nursing.

 

[GreenEyedRedHead]

I know this thread is titled "Attention from Men", but I was just curious if any of you men have had anything like this happen to them. I know some women out there can harrass guys too.

 

[mozart87]

but I was just curious if any of you men have had anything like this happen to them. I know some women out there can harrass guys too.

ooh, I would love that::

greeneyedredhead, unfortunately stupid men think beautiful women are stupid, bitches and live just for d***. I think you should start taking kick-boxing lessons or something like that so you could punch them, kick them and get them back to reality