SavannahRose
Member
I don't mean to sound immature and ranty here, but am at my wits end.
Maybe partly my own fault, but I am sick of the years I have spent trying to make relationships/ friendships work. I either seemed to have nobody committ, to stande me up, want just casual while my friends would say I was a soft touch- and lo and behold as soon as i became a bit more assertive- I would find myself being told I had changed, or was not right for that person. My friends tell me why do I let people walk over me? "other halfs" have told me I am "sweet" until the day I tell them I want a proper relationship, or to have my own space..I want a phone call now and again and to nt be a sercvret (this ended one relationship), ..or very politely..can u pay me back some money I gave u while we were dating..I need it for a deposit..(that ended another). I am alwys "doormat" according to many..until of course I ever assert myself with them. My only friends point out how bd the others are for me...don't u agree they say..? ur so naive..and btw, can u do me fvour?..someone recenly has been pulling trivcks..very clever, on different numbers...posting things in my name...posting photos of me on website..and in ech circumstance I have no evidence whtsoever o do a thing about it.
I had to go home cos of my work situaion..my faamily has bought a nnew house..i the current one is no selling. i dunno where i m going to be but i want out..to be somewhere else.They are so stressed i never seethem, we never talk much, and they are often away. Work has only been difficult for me t the best of times..i struggled and never knew why. Only now..in my mid 20s..my doctor told me i more than likely have undiagnosed dyspraxia (developmental disorder which affects prctical skills and movement.)...all this time people have prob thot i was dumb..i thot i was too, and now i have nobody to share with, nobody to talk to...i am too old to access a diagnosis that won't take abt a year at least. I am living, desperate to move away from a place , a town..where round the corner is the school i got bullied at incessantly for 7 years..everywhere is a reminder of bad memories, I have no money to relocate..am exhausted t make new friend or relationship and in no good position to. I dunno wht to do. I don't men to sound so pathetic..but I feel like am screaming inside. The phone never rings, my emails are never there. I don't know for sure who my friends are..and I feel like now I finally have answers to having struggled yet come this far, in terms of work and educaion..i am now being punsihed for it. i will never recieve help cos i have fallen thru the net. Only suppor out there is mostly for those alredy adultss but diagnosed as children, or parents of those with dysprxia. I just see no point in anything anymore. I just had to get that out.
Maybe partly my own fault, but I am sick of the years I have spent trying to make relationships/ friendships work. I either seemed to have nobody committ, to stande me up, want just casual while my friends would say I was a soft touch- and lo and behold as soon as i became a bit more assertive- I would find myself being told I had changed, or was not right for that person. My friends tell me why do I let people walk over me? "other halfs" have told me I am "sweet" until the day I tell them I want a proper relationship, or to have my own space..I want a phone call now and again and to nt be a sercvret (this ended one relationship), ..or very politely..can u pay me back some money I gave u while we were dating..I need it for a deposit..(that ended another). I am alwys "doormat" according to many..until of course I ever assert myself with them. My only friends point out how bd the others are for me...don't u agree they say..? ur so naive..and btw, can u do me fvour?..someone recenly has been pulling trivcks..very clever, on different numbers...posting things in my name...posting photos of me on website..and in ech circumstance I have no evidence whtsoever o do a thing about it.
I had to go home cos of my work situaion..my faamily has bought a nnew house..i the current one is no selling. i dunno where i m going to be but i want out..to be somewhere else.They are so stressed i never seethem, we never talk much, and they are often away. Work has only been difficult for me t the best of times..i struggled and never knew why. Only now..in my mid 20s..my doctor told me i more than likely have undiagnosed dyspraxia (developmental disorder which affects prctical skills and movement.)...all this time people have prob thot i was dumb..i thot i was too, and now i have nobody to share with, nobody to talk to...i am too old to access a diagnosis that won't take abt a year at least. I am living, desperate to move away from a place , a town..where round the corner is the school i got bullied at incessantly for 7 years..everywhere is a reminder of bad memories, I have no money to relocate..am exhausted t make new friend or relationship and in no good position to. I dunno wht to do. I don't men to sound so pathetic..but I feel like am screaming inside. The phone never rings, my emails are never there. I don't know for sure who my friends are..and I feel like now I finally have answers to having struggled yet come this far, in terms of work and educaion..i am now being punsihed for it. i will never recieve help cos i have fallen thru the net. Only suppor out there is mostly for those alredy adultss but diagnosed as children, or parents of those with dysprxia. I just see no point in anything anymore. I just had to get that out.
