Ashamed of wanting to date

sugaryberries

sugaryberries

Well-known member
I would like a boyfriend and I've never had one. I'm 19 and I hate it when people are like why haven't you had a boyfriend yet. And my parents make comments about it, but aside from other people, I would like to try dating. When I was in high school and guys would show interest in me I would never acknowledge it, even if I did like him.

I'm thinking about changing the way I dress- well at least not wearing jeans, t-shirt, and hat all the time. And wearing makeup and things like that to attract people. It seems like those girls get more attention. Or, maybe it's just their personality. I don't have a problem with talking to other people when they approach me per se, it's when I have to approach others that it is worse. I am taking steps to overcome that though.

Men do approach me, but it's more like 'men'. Guys that are too old for me like 25+. Maybe 'too old' is mean. How about [probably] way too experienced in life for me.

But, I feel that if I do that people will go 'Ah Ha! You want a boyfriend.' It's almost like I am ashamed of wanting one. But, I know it's not going to just fall into my lap because I want it.

People are supposed to date and fall in love, right? So I actually shouldn't feel 'ashamed' about it. And yet I deeply do.
 
Y

young

Well-known member
i like a tee shirt and jeans kinda chick. And what's wrong with being 25+???

Well to really met a man you need the confidence to talk to them. Which since your a girl is pretty easy. Since it's usually the guy that goes up to you. As for how to build that up. I can't help you. Since i'm shy myself.

But if you come up to nj i'll take you on a date if you buy. :wink:
 
J

J

Well-known member
Feeling ashamed about one's own needs, especially ones with as much of a social component as dating, is rather common for folks with SP. I've had issues with it for a long time, and still don't let anyone see or know anything about someone I'm dating until/unless I'm already sure I want a long-term thing out of it (and that hasn't happened in years now). So even when I'm dating, noone knows... I don't want to be judged by my mate choice. Hell, I don't wanna be judged on anything. I feel like that's all I'm ever subjected to. (That also is very common for SPers.)

Too much in this world goes by looks and superficial impressions. I was never one for lots of makeup myself (on ladies, that is :p )
 
carebear

carebear

Well-known member
ashamed of sex?

is anyone here ashamed of their own sexual desires like myself?

i can't help feeling i am too good for it for some reason..i've felt like that since i was a little girl...i don't think i'll ever change..sadly.
i'll prob have children unless i go to the sperm bank.

anyone feel like i do??? 8O
 
the_recluse

the_recluse

Active member
Sugarberries i know what you mean, i just wear jeans and t shirts and want to change how i dress but them im scared of ridicule about what i wear. Also im 17 and seem to attract the older man, the last one was 24, he could tell i was terrified and i wouldnt kiss him or anything. Its wierd because we got on brilliantly but i just wont let myself have a relationship or anything. I feel like i dont deserve one and i dont want to put the people i like in the position of having to deal with me.
 
crazyfairyx

crazyfairyx

1
Wanting a relationship is perfectly natural, but it doesn't mean you have to change yourself for one. I love jeans, I wear them almost all the time, and if I'm not wearing jeans, it's black combats, and on a very rare occasion, a skirt. Just try wearing a slightly well fitting top, that compliments your curves, you're not changing yourself then, you're just making a small adjustment that helps your confidence and might get you some attention.

The people you know might take the mick a bit out of you, for saying you want to date, but they know that they feel / felt the exact same way. Every girl, SA or not, worries about getting a boyfriend, and dating, unfortunately it's often the SA girls who don't know that, because they don't have girlie mates to discuss it with (or at least some of them don't, was a long time before I did). Me and my best friend (who doesn't have SA) always used to chat about our concerns over boys, they're completely normal.

Carebear - I used to be very ashamed of any sexual feelings I had, and thought they were wrong, and bad, but since I met my guy, that's changed. Sometimes you just need to find the person who will show you how to enjoy these things.

Naomi x
 
WallyG

WallyG

New member
Wow be careful of the older guys! We are kind of pigs - even us shy ones!

When I was 13/14 years old, and totally ashamed and embarrased around girls, not to mention my attraction to them, there was a girl on the school bus who used to tease me - sitting on my lap, making sexual comments, pretending to kiss me. I was rigid with embarrasment. I thought I would never get a girlfriend.

I certainly didn't know that girls had similar feelings to what I was going thru - I was jealous that they could seemingly just sit back, and guys would kill themselves to get their attention. Turns out I was wrong, I guess.

When I did get sexually active, it was a little crazy, because I would develop very strong feelings for whatever girl paid me the slightest attention. I had no idea how to 'date' or to just keep things casual. I was too intense. Consequently, I had my heart broken a lot and I know I hurt others...

Finally I married a woman that I love talking too - and we have a baby together. I consider myself so lucky. But I will never forget the loneliness and shame that I went through to get here!
 
cocobeware

cocobeware

Active member
Old at 25 eh! It seems like just yesterday i was 16 now i am 26.All those wasted years,It's amazing how quickly it goes."God i'm begining to sound old" It goes to show how every moment is precious and you should make the most of it.But it,s difficult to do when you suffer from S.A.So heres some words from a wise old woman once said.

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.~Sophia Loren :wink:
 
Septor

Septor

Well-known member
cocobeware said:
Old at 25 eh! It seems like just yesterday i was 16 now i am 26.All those wasted years,It's amazing how quickly it goes."God i'm begining to sound old" It goes to show how every moment is precious and you should make the most of it.But it,s difficult to do when you suffer from S.A.So heres some words from a wise old woman once said.

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.~Sophia Loren :wink:
Click to expand...

You sound just like me man life goes by so fast.
 
the_recluse

the_recluse

Active member
You know what i hate, i get on so well with guys on the net, they find me interesting and stuff but when it comes to people near me who i see face to face i make a tit of myself and i just act and idiot and they arent interested. Its so lame.
 
D

DemonDayz

Well-known member
I'm not bad at talking with girls, its always taking the first step into a relationship that I'm horrible at...

and I noticed everyone in this thread seems to be around the same age, ande im always lookin' for people to chat with lol...

[email protected]
 
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