Are you unable to work because of your SA or SP ?

[akele]

one time i had a job interview. it was in this lady's office, she was not much older than me at all. she started conducting a typical interview. i thought i was doing okay- not great, mind you, but okay. for fuck's sake- i mustered enough balls to show up at the interview, that was a big step for me alone. well, in the middle of the interview she stopped, got up and shut the door to her office. she sat back down on her side of the desk and took a more casual, personal tone. she started saying that if i ever want to get hired anywhere that i need to make better eye contact and to come across more confident. omfg. she said that the competition in the area is fierce and i would never stand a chance if i carried myself like i did. she told me that i should take a yoga class and meet people. she tried to say all of this in a kind way like she was a friend giving me advice. being socially inept and all, i just rolled with it, responded agreeingly (my typical kiss ass coping mechanism). when i got in my car i started crying. i am a grown "woman". i felt so transparent, ashamed, discouraged, literally retarded.

what a horrible experience for you. it really is not fair how in the workplace everyone seems to have to be so skilled in social things, like 'conflict resolution', and 'people skills'. why should we have to be?? anyway, i dont have much confidence myself. a few months ago some woman i worked with put in a report on me that, among other things, i seemed to 'need constant direction'!! well, i do like to have some direction, but so what? i work as a temporary, so i need it, because i'm walking into a new environment a lot of times. anyway it really freaked me out, just when i had built up some confidence prior to that incident, i lost it all, and got so i couldnt bear to go back to work for ages.

i've come to realize lately that for the 3 yrs i've been doing this temporary work, the idea that people were looking down on me was all in my head. how i know this is that lately i've got good feedback from lots of people, i.e. work colleagues. they are very friendly and nice to me, whereas i used to think they were thinking i was strange. and now they they say like 'i'm glad its you whos come, becos you know what you're doing'!!! its taken quite a struggle to get to this stage. thats why i say, dont give up hope, and keep trying, you will make it and you will be glad you didnt give up.

there are some very good websites about social skills which would help you a lot. i find just having some responses pre-planned for certain situations makes a big difference, rather than being put on the spot and not knowing what to say. just type into search 'social skills'.

all the best

akele

 

[restless]

Well, it seems to be a common problem. I also have difficulties with my jobs. I have worked only on to places. On the first one I resisted 10 months, before quitting. Now I work on the second one. I have resisted 5 months so far and already want to quit. The only reason for staying there is that I must work something. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to beat my current record. :? Applying for a new job is a real ordeal for me. I often have not courage to send a CV for a prestigious job, because I find myself unskilled, even when I suit to all requirements. I hate job interviews because I become very anxious and nervous at least one day before the event. In most cases I failed, despite all my efforts of not acting like a complete idiot. I can’t be myself and show my best qualities.

I do remember one of my last interviews, which was absolute failure. This was a few months ago, a little before I get my current job. The conducting interview was very calm and nice person. There aren’t any reasons for my anxiety, but in the beginning I was nervous as hell. I just wanted to run out of the room, but somehow I managed to calm down myself and at least finish properly. Not surprisingly I was not hired.

Whenever I think about quitting my current job I recall all these damned difficulties of finding new one. At least I can try to beat my current record. I’m not so far for it.

 

[chaoticmind]

I had been quite optimistic about finding a job when it involved working with animals, which I love being around more than anything else. Yet after I started settling in, I also started falling apart. Not because of the animals but because of the contact with other people and having to be away from home so much (even though it was only part-time). I have no idea how I will ever be able to manage a normal job ever. I was almost hospitalized when I realized I needed to get away from my last job (I hate having to leave after I have made a commitment to this job, and was so terrified to approach my manager about this). And each new work experience gets worse instead of better; I kept assuming this would all get easier as I did tried more and more jobs.

Therapists haven't been accommodating to this issue either. They keep telling me that if I keep leaving my jobs, I am reinforcing my fear of working, and so they pressure me to go back. Even telling me the more contact I have with people while I'm working, and the more stressed out it makes me, the better! But when I stay in these situations I quite literally lose my sanity and willingness to live. I keep wondering if I am the only one who sees this as a problem, because people keep pressuring me to go back even after I explain to them what I'm going through! I feel trapped. Like people are sending me to my death, basically. It's terrible.