Anyone feel the same way?/I need advise, as always.

[Lostinthemusic]

I need advice, but I'm not sure exactly what for.
I feel lonely, it seems like everyone I come into contact with eventually thinks I hate them. I have recently had this somewhat debunked, but also somewhat confirmed. I don't know how to have a normal conversation with someone, anyone. I've barely gotten to know my roommates even though one of them is my soon-to-be stepsister.
I feel like I have no identity, I haven't been doing the things I like to do because I feel depressed almost no matter what I do. The one thing I love doing that I still do is drum. But I have to practice in a house where it feels like everyone thinks I'm a douche-bag, or at least all of the friends of the people living there. Its an electronic kit, so its quiet, but I can't shake the feeling.
I feel lazy. I don't do anything, I sit in my room and mope. I'm too lazy to get on a bus and go see other friends living 5 minutes away. I feel like I can't call anyone, and when I build up the courage, for lack of a better word, to make a call, it always seems to go badly. But only after I'm off the phone and have had time to think about it.
How do I stop thinking about every little detail of everything I do?
How do I stop needing everyone to like me?
How do I have a conversation? I just can't pay attention or follow them most of the time.
How do I be a normal roommate?
How do I show people I'm not creepy and just want to be friends?
How do I know who to ask these questions to in person?

Does anyone else think like this? Even just walking down a hallway I'm aware of every movement my body makes.
People have brought it to my attention in the past that I'm not bad looking, how do I believe them? and take a compliment in general?
How do I look people in the eye and know when I shouldn't? I always feel its the opposite of what it should be for me.
Where do I start to change? I just want to be able to be myself without a shield between the people I want to get to know.
Please, any advise (or understanding) is good advise.

 

[NewtoThis]

This is pretty much why I joined this forum. I feel like I can't talk to people or be myself around them. In my experience, I get along best with people when I find a way to stop being so conscious about what I look like or what I'm saying and doing- I just sort of drop my filter.

Usually I'm most able to open up to people once I've stuck my neck out and done something out of the ordinary-- off routine.

For instance, I recently went to some terrible seminars on leadership that were just awful for someone like me to sit through- and the people there weren't exactly appreciative of my sense of humor. But after I went through that nightmare, talking to the people around me (like my roommate) was a lot easier!

So I guess... do something you might think is embarrassing on purpose so that anything else is an improvement? Hmmm- I'm still ironing out the details on this one.

 

[jojo77]

i COMPLETELY understand! that's how i feel everyday. it's so weird reading this, and all these posts because i've always felt extremely different. it's a relief to know i'm not alone. i hope your journey to a better, more sane mindset is a good one, and wish me luck on mine!

 

[Lostinthemusic]

I wish you all the luck there is to wish!