Anyone else really avoidant?
- Thread starter Plissken
- Start date
Fidgey
Active member
I avoid everything I can whether it be the phone, the doorbell it does not matter. Thats where the family kicks in. My brother rang the phone before and I answered it, he almost did a double take.
Recently I started buying cartons of cigarettes just so I would not have to go to the supermarket too often and when I do it has to be late at night.
I have lost all my friends as I always used to make excuses as to why I could not go out.
I think a lot of people with SP also have Avoidant personality disorder or (AVP) Alien vs Predator :wink:
Recently I started buying cartons of cigarettes just so I would not have to go to the supermarket too often and when I do it has to be late at night.
I have lost all my friends as I always used to make excuses as to why I could not go out.
I think a lot of people with SP also have Avoidant personality disorder or (AVP) Alien vs Predator :wink:
outcastlonerfreak
Active member
Yeah, I am constantly avoiding situations that I feel will make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I feel the safest at home and that is where I tend to stay. And when I do go out I cannot go out alone. I even avoid getting together with family nowadays because I feel so out-of-place. I have not had friends in person for a long time, which I think is a good thing because I know that I would just avoid them, too. I realize that avoiding your fears is not good but I cannot help it. My anxiety is too bad and I feel that I have to avoid most situations, otherwise something bad will happen.
Froxie
New member
I'm very avoidant. I avoid my grandparents and extended family because I'm really shy when around them; I avoid my friends on weekends; I avoid making eye contact so people won't talk to me [does that even count?]; I even avoid people online... I have my messenger on invisible almost all the time. I also avoid certain trips in public, like shopping. I'm supposed to love shopping, but I absolutely HATE it. Ugh...
That was a little ranty.. I'm new to these forums. :lol:
That was a little ranty.. I'm new to these forums. :lol:
I'm like this too, I avoid my family and get agitated with them if they get too close to me for extended periods. Whenever I have friends I tend to be really distant, and I can only meet them if it's on my terms. If they were to suddenly show up on my doorstep, I'd freak out. So that kind of thing doesn't really work, and I'm well aware of that, so a lot of my friendships go down the tubes. Like the previous poster, I often keep my messenger status set to invisible as well, again so I can talk to people on my own terms without being in for a surprise. I find the only exception to my avoidancy is if I'm talking to a girl I like. It sounds kind of stupid, but if it's not someone I'm interested in, I figure why put myself through all that social hell. I love women, and they're like the only thing I consider worth it when having to do the whole fraternizing thing. I can't deal with the stress if all it's getting me is a basic friendship (one that I'll spend most of my time shying away from anyway).
JamesMorgan
Well-known member
Alien vs Predator, i laughed out loud at that, brilliant!
Avoidance - what do we really want to avoid? - Unpleasant feelings. We would not have that urge to avoid people for example if we felt comfortable being with them.
What does this cause? - habitual avoidant behaviour to the external environment ie avoiding people, situations etc in where we FEEL uncomfortable.
When i get that feeling of avoidance, it can creep in quite often, i usually want to run away from a person whom i usually feel uncomfortable around. My HABITUAL feeling is to avoid, get out of that situation, get away from that person. This is completely deceptive!!
Why is it deceptive? - because it destroys my freedom. If we felt comfortable all the time, we could go anywhere with anyone all the time, in any situation. The deception lies in thinking 'it's this person or situation i want to avoid', no we don't. We project our fear 'out there' and blame the world for our anxiety.
What should i do when i get that feeling of avoidance? - remember deeply that i am not avoiding anyone or any situation, i have within my inner world an unpleasant feeling, if i accept it patiently with a happy mind it will eventually weaken and disappear.
It does weaken and dissappear, doesn't it? You can be anxious with someone, then it's like you move through the anxiety barrier into a comfortable place, i usually find with people i want to avoid this barrier is there for about a minute, i feel anxious, then it fades. Some people i still have a habitual feeling to want to avoid which makes me feel major uncomfortable, but in working toward feeling comfortable with everyone and not knowingly wanting to avoid them i am working towards being comfortable with everyone, all the time, anywhere.
James
Avoidance - what do we really want to avoid? - Unpleasant feelings. We would not have that urge to avoid people for example if we felt comfortable being with them.
What does this cause? - habitual avoidant behaviour to the external environment ie avoiding people, situations etc in where we FEEL uncomfortable.
When i get that feeling of avoidance, it can creep in quite often, i usually want to run away from a person whom i usually feel uncomfortable around. My HABITUAL feeling is to avoid, get out of that situation, get away from that person. This is completely deceptive!!
Why is it deceptive? - because it destroys my freedom. If we felt comfortable all the time, we could go anywhere with anyone all the time, in any situation. The deception lies in thinking 'it's this person or situation i want to avoid', no we don't. We project our fear 'out there' and blame the world for our anxiety.
What should i do when i get that feeling of avoidance? - remember deeply that i am not avoiding anyone or any situation, i have within my inner world an unpleasant feeling, if i accept it patiently with a happy mind it will eventually weaken and disappear.
It does weaken and dissappear, doesn't it? You can be anxious with someone, then it's like you move through the anxiety barrier into a comfortable place, i usually find with people i want to avoid this barrier is there for about a minute, i feel anxious, then it fades. Some people i still have a habitual feeling to want to avoid which makes me feel major uncomfortable, but in working toward feeling comfortable with everyone and not knowingly wanting to avoid them i am working towards being comfortable with everyone, all the time, anywhere.
James
Shyguest
Well-known member
Hi,
I know how you feel. I can't face partner's children and one of them has called me a '(rude word) waste of space'. Ever since I told her that I had social phobia she seems to be using that as a way of getting me to feel really self-conscious. I really dislike her and never want anything more to do with her especially since I have really tried to get to like her.
I know how you feel. I can't face partner's children and one of them has called me a '(rude word) waste of space'. Ever since I told her that I had social phobia she seems to be using that as a way of getting me to feel really self-conscious. I really dislike her and never want anything more to do with her especially since I have really tried to get to like her.
alter_ego
Well-known member
In many cases, people who you feel uncomfortable with, THEY'RE the ones with the problem, not you.
I wouldn't say I'm particularly avoidant. I don't feel comfortable round very confident people or people who aren't very nice, but, even tho I'm quite a shy person, I make the effort to talk to them. I'm okay with people I like tho, I can chat to them very easily.
My friend reckons the reason I don't feel comfortable talking to people I don't like is because I hate being two-faced.
I wouldn't say I'm particularly avoidant. I don't feel comfortable round very confident people or people who aren't very nice, but, even tho I'm quite a shy person, I make the effort to talk to them. I'm okay with people I like tho, I can chat to them very easily.
My friend reckons the reason I don't feel comfortable talking to people I don't like is because I hate being two-faced.
bird
Member
Phewww it is good to hear other people suffer the same, ido notfeel so alien and freakish after reading the messages.
I suffer greatlywith AVD also from ... avoiding eye contact if im out & see someonei know so to avoid talking as this is when i have a panic attack(1st one in 98 talking to a mate in a shopping precint),i avoid my neighbours,i avoid answering my phone when it rings i prefer to text to my friends annoyance,i avoid dates as i cannot cope with talking about myself when i feel i have nothing to talk about as i dont do anything! I dont like it when peopleturn up on my doorstep i just goin into panic mode, i would never hold a party for fear of no one turning up n the stress of trying to make sure everyone is having a good time, iwont be having a wedding as that would be unbearable,i avoid jobs where i will have to endure meetings,i walked out of a course when it came to introducing ourselves... OMG the list goes on!!
it would be nice to hear theres a cure for this but i know the only thing to do to get over it i face it & yesterday i saw my oldest friend in a shop & at first the hell bit was fine but after that i felt myself heat up,heart punding mind went blank and i couldnt keep eye contact.. i cant even remember theconversation!! Gutted, i proceeed to go into my flat turn my mobile off and took one of my propranolol pills and cried for an hour.
I fully sympathise with you all who suffer this crippling illness/disorder and hope to chat to any of you that may want to share your experiences.
I desperatly want to get my life back on track so welcome any suggestions or advice...
Thanks
Sarah
I suffer greatlywith AVD also from ... avoiding eye contact if im out & see someonei know so to avoid talking as this is when i have a panic attack(1st one in 98 talking to a mate in a shopping precint),i avoid my neighbours,i avoid answering my phone when it rings i prefer to text to my friends annoyance,i avoid dates as i cannot cope with talking about myself when i feel i have nothing to talk about as i dont do anything! I dont like it when peopleturn up on my doorstep i just goin into panic mode, i would never hold a party for fear of no one turning up n the stress of trying to make sure everyone is having a good time, iwont be having a wedding as that would be unbearable,i avoid jobs where i will have to endure meetings,i walked out of a course when it came to introducing ourselves... OMG the list goes on!!
it would be nice to hear theres a cure for this but i know the only thing to do to get over it i face it & yesterday i saw my oldest friend in a shop & at first the hell bit was fine but after that i felt myself heat up,heart punding mind went blank and i couldnt keep eye contact.. i cant even remember theconversation!! Gutted, i proceeed to go into my flat turn my mobile off and took one of my propranolol pills and cried for an hour.I fully sympathise with you all who suffer this crippling illness/disorder and hope to chat to any of you that may want to share your experiences.
I desperatly want to get my life back on track so welcome any suggestions or advice...
Thanks
Sarah
Lonelythinker
Member
I try to arrange my life so as to minimize social contacs.
(And I've been quite successful with that. :roll: )
I mostly stay at home now, as I got laid off from my job.
(Luckily I have pretty good unemployment benefits, so I can manage living with my current level of income, though obviously things can't go on like this forever.)
I almost never open the door if the doorbell rings unexpected.
I feel uneasy about even my family members or relatives visiting my home.
I usually go for a walk during a time when either there are so few people around as possible, or it's so dark that I can pretty much avoid eye contact.
Do I qualify? :roll:
(And I've been quite successful with that. :roll: )
I mostly stay at home now, as I got laid off from my job.
(Luckily I have pretty good unemployment benefits, so I can manage living with my current level of income, though obviously things can't go on like this forever.)
I almost never open the door if the doorbell rings unexpected.
I feel uneasy about even my family members or relatives visiting my home.
I usually go for a walk during a time when either there are so few people around as possible, or it's so dark that I can pretty much avoid eye contact.
Do I qualify? :roll:
Shyguest
Well-known member
Lonelythinker,
I think you definitely qualify. I also tend to avoid people and often go outside when it's dark since I feel less self-conscious and therefore the anxiety tends to lessen. I can't understand why it feels so overwhelming to go outside in the daylight and have to face everyone. I used to work with a lot of people and nobody would have guessed I was social phobic. I'm sure they thought I was a little quiet but also quite confident. However, I really found it difficult to stick to jobs because of the social anxiety. I think shy people are able to feel comfortable once they settle into a workplace regardless of the type of people.
Shyguest
I think you definitely qualify. I also tend to avoid people and often go outside when it's dark since I feel less self-conscious and therefore the anxiety tends to lessen. I can't understand why it feels so overwhelming to go outside in the daylight and have to face everyone. I used to work with a lot of people and nobody would have guessed I was social phobic. I'm sure they thought I was a little quiet but also quite confident. However, I really found it difficult to stick to jobs because of the social anxiety. I think shy people are able to feel comfortable once they settle into a workplace regardless of the type of people.
Shyguest