Anyone agree on this...................

[uk_27]

If people from this site met up, there would be no problem with SA because everyone knows that everyones got it and so no one has anything to hide. Would be like that 'SA switch' is turned off for the while . As soon as you go back to work it would come on again of course :wink: !!!

 

[barodapride]

it would probably be really really awkward...

 

[phoenix1]

It would probably be kinda boring maybe? we would all just like stare at eachother in a circle and stuff and not say anything. I suggest bringing reading material.

 

[Quixote]

Mhh not necessarily. People's anxiety problems can come in a variety of ways, in their symptoms as well as in their root causes. One may experience panic attacks when out in a crowded space, yet enjoy a satisfactory social life, while another goes hiking every other day yet has no friends. One may have been phisically bullied during childhood while the other was a bully himself, violent out of insecurity and isolation... would they feel comfortable at the same table?
Finally, some people might find it especially unpleasant to feel "exposed" in such a way, since they have become used to conceal their problem in a very effective way over the years. I would say the favourable odds amount to some 40% but nothing more...

 

[uk_27]

Lol Phoenix1!!!

 

[Y]

We are a small society just like the big one outside, so i dont think thered be much difference, therell be these confident and very talkative people thatll draw all the attention to themselves and therell be the quiet ones. There may even be bullies...

Just cause we all have SA, doesnt mean we are all the same, ive really thought about this before and i can think about a few people whod be the "popular" SPW ers. Somehow i feel like id be one of the invisibles among us..:/ Thatd make me feel even worse, being the "loser" of "losers"

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hey Y,
You have some interesting thoughts there.

-but as for the 'loser of losers' -I hope that you aren't completely serious.

...In Turkey do you have the American show called "The Biggest Loser". I don't like the title because it implies that all fat people (it's a reality show for people losing weight) are losers -and even the one that wins (loses the most weight) gets the label 'the biggest loser'. ...that just confuses me! 8O ...since even the one that is supposedly successful isn't.

...anyhow, nevermind. (I just don't really like the title of the show)

But your point about us making our own little society is an interesting observation. ...I happen to think that you're more spot-on than not. :wink:
...so then, you hypothesise that certain SPW members would take on the role(s) of the domineering popular types (bullies) and others would shrink into the background, becoming more withdrawn and more 'unconfident' (the 'loser of losers'). ...Now, that is a VERY interesting social observation to make! -because if you extend it a bit further you can observe the rules for our little community (universe) and then extend these same rules to apply for the bigger community -being the outside world.

...Let me explain- if the SPW members that would then become "bullies" have as a result become 'closet social phobics': can such an observation of how people switch to play different roles also be applied to the bigger world outside? ...that is, would the loud, domineering, socially-controlling types of people in the world simply be inside-out versions of us??!! 8O 8O :!: ... :wink:

...I used to feel intimidated by the 'queen bee' in a particular social group. She was very vain, self-centred and 'took over' the social group, had everyone fawning over her and following her. ...Then I was told by her sister, that this loud, vain, highly (over?) confident girl was actually really shy when she was younger. :idea: ...Hmmm, so I agree with your theories for the most part. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that, in presuming that you would withdraw more if our SPW got together (in real life), that you would see yourself as the 'biggest loser' -the 'loser of losers'. ....How would you be any more a loser than the SPW members who would dominate/bully-?

Also, as soon as SPW changed and we entered the real world, the bully domineering types would switch again to become the 'losers' in that world. ...kind of reminds me of a cartoon I saw which had a tree with branches, each higher than the one beneath, and each branch had a monkey crapping-on the monkey on the branch underneath it ..only this tree and its branches went forever upwards into the sky....

 

[Richey]

i think that people who have symptoms of SA meeting would be no different to meeting anyone new, everyone has a story .....even i have to extract it out of ya

i just dont get this "pigeon holing" of calling the shy person a loser, shy people are great as are loud people, domineering types are the losers.

i personally always thought that the domineering type was the "loser" and the shy person was just someone holding back more often then not, you see i find a bully(domineering) type are the sort of people that are only doing it for attention to get some approval in a shallow way, they have to be the diciplinary, it doesnt make you a loser to be shy and withdrawn it just means that they are lacking in confidence and thats not being a "loser", although in alot of areas of society there is a warped and unhealthy view that shyness is frowned upon, some people find it personally threatening, at least thats what ive noticed,

i just believe the people who want control over other people, which i know of people who are like that, those sorts of people are the hitlers of the world, there is a fine line between giving an opinion and trying to control others.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hey Richey,
I think you're smart. Because I think that your understanding that being domineering is like the mirror of being a doormat can be extremely helpful. -It is like 'changing perception' that psychologists go on about. -Since it is no longer based on seeing extroverts as superior to introverts, but instead places them on equal par to one another.

I have a pretty good idea that if a person could believe that one side was equal to the other for long enough, and make it so without any exceptions, that they would achieve a great balance in their personality.

This is a difficult thing to do. ...Notice that it means seeing no difference between those who dominate and those who don't in it's purest sense-? ...notice that just as their is nothing wrong with being shy and introverted, that there is nothing wrong also with being loud and extroverted-? And that it would be hard to avoid confusing dominating with being loud, and being a doormat with being shy, according to how good or not so good the individual was themselves with having a created a Personal balance for themselves between these two relative opposites of human nature.

I have also noticed that of a few people here at SPW that, like me, they have grown up with domineering types. That a few that I have asked here at SPW, have said that their siblings/family members are the 'popular' loud types. ...I figure that personality is shaped through growing-up. Also, family members share characteristics. So I think that if a person is more sensitive/emotional and has grown-up with confident, louder siblings that this has helped shape their personality as 'the opposite' to this and to a more extreme degree -that is, actual social anxiety/phobia.

 

[Y]

Hey Y,
You have some interesting thoughts there.

-but as for the 'loser of losers' -I hope that you aren't completely serious.

...In Turkey do you have the American show called "The Biggest Loser". I don't like the title because it implies that all fat people (it's a reality show for people losing weight) are losers -and even the one that wins (loses the most weight) gets the label 'the biggest loser'. ...that just confuses me! 8O ...since even the one that is supposedly successful isn't.

...anyhow, nevermind. (I just don't really like the title of the show)

But your point about us making our own little society is an interesting observation. ...I happen to think that you're more spot-on than not. :wink:
...so then, you hypothesise that certain SPW members would take on the role(s) of the domineering popular types (bullies) and others would shrink into the background, becoming more withdrawn and more 'unconfident' (the 'loser of losers'). ...Now, that is a VERY interesting social observation to make! -because if you extend it a bit further you can observe the rules for our little community (universe) and then extend these same rules to apply for the bigger community -being the outside world.

...Let me explain- if the SPW members that would then become "bullies" have as a result become 'closet social phobics': can such an observation of how people switch to play different roles also be applied to the bigger world outside? ...that is, would the loud, domineering, socially-controlling types of people in the world simply be inside-out versions of us??!! 8O 8O :!: ... :wink:

...I used to feel intimidated by the 'queen bee' in a particular social group. She was very vain, self-centred and 'took over' the social group, had everyone fawning over her and following her. ...Then I was told by her sister, that this loud, vain, highly (over?) confident girl was actually really shy when she was younger. :idea: ...Hmmm, so I agree with your theories for the most part. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that, in presuming that you would withdraw more if our SPW got together (in real life), that you would see yourself as the 'biggest loser' -the 'loser of losers'. ....How would you be any more a loser than the SPW members who would dominate/bully-?

Also, as soon as SPW changed and we entered the real world, the bully domineering types would switch again to become the 'losers' in that world. ...kind of reminds me of a cartoon I saw which had a tree with branches, each higher than the one beneath, and each branch had a monkey crapping-on the monkey on the branch underneath it ..only this tree and its branches went forever upwards into the sky....

I cant express myself well, mostly due to my limited vocabulary, but its like you were reading my mind lol, i didnt write much , looks like you totally got what i meant.

Yeah we have most of those sick (? sorry about that) American Reality Shows, and yeah i know that one, here its name was something like "Who Wants To Lose Weight?" (pretty original, huh? , oh were lame ), still i think its a better name than "The Biggest Loser", whoa thats insulting, so people compete to be the biggest loser? lol

I wasnt trying to say shy people are indeed the bully (or domineering) types, most of those people are far from being shy. What i want to say is , depending on my observations here, we will more or less be like the community outside.

Ive seen some (although few) bullying (kinda) posts here, making fun of other people, and also there are people here who have something valuable to say about ANYTHING (cutefluffykitten, worrydoll), that means theyre social people indeed, extroverted, the only thing thats keeping them from socializing in real world is their fears. But when we met, since we all have the fear , i think everyone would be cool with it, and those extroverted people would be the "popular" ones, while some angry types would be the "bullies" and thered be the quiet ones again. Quiet even among quiets. And i just fear that i am one of those...:/

 

[scatmantom]

I don't like people to know about my anxiety problems. Luckily for me I've got a stage where I can cover it up pretty well and it has less of a hold on my life :wink:

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hi Y,
I'm having such a lot of trouble on my computer today, so I hope that this post works...

I think that I need to say a few things to you. I notice that you believe that extroversion is superior to introversion. This, to me, is a belief that is at the back of your mind.

...don't worry too much, since it is one of the beliefs at the back of the minds of all people - not only those with social anxiety.

Yet, socially anxious people are in greater need of challenging this belief and replacing it with one that gives them a means to believe in their point of view as much as possible, if they are to take on the challenge of adjusting to others in the world.

The only problem that people like you and I have is that we are more emotionally receptive towards our environments and others. this means that there is a greater than average emotional gap to fill between making introversion and extroversion equal for us; yet, the way we perceive and think -our attitudes are actually based on the same perceptions about people as almost all others in the world.

The vast majority of the world struggles overcoming the same prejudices that we do. The majority of people in our society believe extroverts to be 'winners' and introverts to be 'losers' ...and very few people in the world honestly are able to see the two as equal.

This is the first point that I want to get across to you.

So I am saying that it is very important to notice how you judge things and that because it is such a challenge to see people as equal in this world, that it is in your best interests to do this as much as possible -because the world will give you the message that introverts are 'losers'. -ie: most people cannot do the same thing that you are now called upon to do. Believe this, because it is true. ...it is why the 'bullying' thread is included in the Social Phobia World forum; because whilst we are more emotional than most people, the way we think and place value on things is no more inferior to how most people think.

(How many people do you know of who could overcome the challenge of being highly sensitive, believing themselves equal as an introvert to others-? How many people are able to think this way about YOU now?)

The only way out of thinking and feeling like a 'loser' when you are shy, and especially when you are very shy/sensitive, is by being really vigilant in seeing introverts and extroverts as equal. ....It's how you can fight the world full of people who believe extroverts are superior.

Anyhow, I don't mean to preach to you; but I detected in your post that you are swept-up by this view of people that most of the world has and I think that you should be encouraged to see through it.

You wrote that you are afraid that among SPW members you would be the shyest, and that this would make you a 'loser'.

What makes you think this?

You made the perceptive observation that some SPW members, normally the shyest and most introverted in the outside world, would become the loudest and most confident if our SPW got together in the flesh to make our own society. ...What does this tell you?

-can you see what your own observation about human social behaviour means in a larger sense-?

Because if the shyest and most withdrawn can, on their situation changing, then become the loudest and most confident -how does judging by the way things look then work as an accurate measure for what is 'strong'-?

If an introvert can switch to become an extrovert with the simple changing of their social surroundings -how does your belief then that being the shyest makes you the 'loser', make any sense??? ...if a person can thus switch so quickly between the 'winner' extrovert and the 'loser' introvert -how can you be correct in labelling being loud and extroverted as 'the winner' and being the quietest and shyest as 'the loser'-? (And you did this when you wrote that you were afraid that you would be the quietest and that this would mean you were the 'loser of losers')

Your clever social observation was that people can switch to being loud and extroverted to being quiet, shy and introverted-? ...so, how does placing the values of 'winner' ('good', 'strong', etc) and 'loser' ('bad'... etc) onto terms like 'extroversion' and 'introversion' make any sense if people switch between being extroverted and introverted-? If a person can be a 'winner' in one situation and then a 'loser' in another situation, how can you assign 'winner' status to being extroverted and 'loser' status to being introverted-?

...Now I am saying this to you to encourage you to pay attention to the words you use revealing the way you judge and think about things. As I said earlier, it is very important that you 'fight' the world by making sure that you see and believe how peoples differences are equal with respect to each other -because the world will push you into seeing one way of being as superior to another.

I am saying to you that your thought that being the quietest if our SPW got together would make you the 'loser of losers' is the same reason why you consider your self as a 'loser' now. -Notice that you hold being the quietest and the shyest and most introverted as being lesser-?