anybody ever have a hard time getting along with people??

[Anonymous]

ever since i was a kid, i've always had a difficult time relating to people in social situations, i've never had a girlfriend, and get really nervous on dates. i've been through like 3 or 4 best friends, all of whom hate me now. because i was such a troubled teen.
i had anxiety and depression during my younger days. i fell in with the wrong crowd during my preteens, and my entire family(dad he hates my guts, and i don't feel comfortable around him), relatives and friends think that i was a total screwup, and a bad person because of how i used to dress and act, (like baggy jeans, etc... type).
now im turning 20 in november and i have like only 1 friend, and still no girlfriend, and this sa condition that made everyone at my work think that i am weird, because i looked standoffish all the time because i never talked to anyone, and always got scared whenever someone talked to me. i hate going to work so much now, what should i do, what do you guys think, am i a total screwup???

 

[sengd001]

pp=30&page=59 - 53k -

 

[Flax]

If it's possible that I may be hurt eventually or put into uncomfortable situations I decide to stop it before anything could ever happen. I reject nearly every invite to parties or anything that makes me uncomfortable and I'm afraid my friends may interpret this as me not liking them anymore. I have never been rejected by a girl in my life, that statement makes me sound like I'm irresistable. No, I've never even put myself into a situation where I could be rejected. I've never asked a girl out, I've never been on a date, I've never really even showed any affection to any girls. But secretly I am very lonely and do want love and a sex life.

 

[lifesnotfair]

i absolutely hate being in social situations, the only exception is with a group of people that i can relate to, such as a group of people that have the same interests, or the same problem(s)

 

[Yossarian]

Hey you're not a screw up. You, like many find social situations hard that's all. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I've also been through a few good friends and it sucks. No matter how hard I try things always go wrong. The last time was on my birthday and we went out for a drink and guess what the town had a power cut! so we went back to my place. Anyway he had confidence problems and I was telling him he was a really great guy and how intelligent he was because he wanted to go back to college but felt he wasn't smart enough. The next thing he attacked me and never spoke to me again. What the fuck was that about? I give up.

As for being standoffish that's common for those who find socialising difficult. I was stunned when people first told me they found me aloof. Guess it just goes with the territory. I did once try to turn my distance in to an air of mysterious cool but I just ended up walking into things.

Maybe you should tell them you're shy and you don't mean to offend anyone it's just hard for you etc. They might accept that and not pressure you so much, people can sometimes be more understanding than we think. and it has worked for me in the past.

Good luck whatever happens ... and you're not a screwup!

 

[Anonymous]

Re: I have a similar problem

I get very standoffish with people when I feel the pressure to socialize. I am considering therapy because it makes work very lonely not to have anyone to talk to all day. Also, I don't date and have only 1 friend who has 6 kids and a husband and, thus, has no time really for a friendship with a single female.

Signed,
OnlyuntilIgetBetter
__________
ORIGINAL POST BELOW

ever since i was a kid, i've always had a difficult time relating to people in social situations, i've never had a girlfriend, and get really nervous on dates. i've been through like 3 or 4 best friends, all of whom hate me now. because i was such a troubled teen.
i had anxiety and depression during my younger days. i fell in with the wrong crowd during my preteens, and my entire family(dad he hates my guts, and i don't feel comfortable around him), relatives and friends think that i was a total screwup, and a bad person because of how i used to dress and act, (like baggy jeans, etc... type).
now im turning 20 in november and i have like only 1 friend, and still no girlfriend, and this sa condition that made everyone at my work think that i am weird, because i looked standoffish all the time because i never talked to anyone, and always got scared whenever someone talked to me. i hate going to work so much now, what should i do, what do you guys think, am i a total screwup???

 

[loucat]

i have to drink for most social situations which is very bad

 

[richkid]

My hatered of social situations lies from an expectation that ity is going to be shit and I'm going to say something uninteresting. I basically on a downer before I'm there. It will always be like this if that is a presumption.
I learning not to make presumptions abouot anything as nothing is know. THe fear lies in past experience that no longer exists for me. I think many people have a image of how it should be and when it doesn't happen their ideal situation colapses around them.

Just obsevering some conversations, and the silences I realising that no body is great at socialising some people have a knack for it because they practice, simple as. You can have a conversation about anything just make it your own, make it funny, stupid it doesn't really matter. Great Ideas come from simple things.

If you try to fight it you'll make it worse try to go with it and see what happens.

 

[Anonymous]

yup

Yup

Hell is other people as far as im concerned

Which is why my life is so bad

They stress me out p me off get me angry etc etc

take care



steven

 

[Anonymous]

Re: anybody ever have a hard time getting along with people?

now im turning 20 in november and i have like only 1 friend, and still no girlfriend, and this sa condition that made everyone at my work think that i am weird, because i looked standoffish all the time because i never talked to anyone, and always got scared whenever someone talked to me. i hate going to work so much now, what should i do, what do you guys think, am i a total screwup???[/quote]

i totally feel the same.

Thing is with my close friends I am totally open. I think it comes from a fear of being myself infront of others. Im scared that I might say something inappropriate or offensive or stupid or may just look strange. Unlike extroverts, i dont like to blurt stufff out without analysing it. This often means conversation is hampered because im being too polite or just dont join in at all.
I end up gettin really pissed off when people start askin why im so quiet. And man it really makes my blood boil when people say stuff like 'he dont like to join in' or 'hes very unsociable'.
The view im trying to take at the moment is just be myself, be true to myself. if people dont find my jokes funny or my stories interesting I cant help that.
I alwys thought that fitting in is about being someone else or being like everyone else. But then i look at all the great people that inspire me and they are totally unique, but are true to themselves. I dont think ill ever put myself out there as much as extroverted people but im getting there.

This is something that inspires me alot to not worry if people think im a total tool:
'The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.'

 

[Anonymous]

social anxiety

Hello everyone. I'm reading a book about the social anxiety disorder, it's by Gillian Butler and is called Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness. I wondered if anyone has been asked to read the same book. It's part of my treatment SA

Anyhow, I'm 29 years old and have been oblivious to the name and nature of this disorder until last year. I have left many jobs, and lost good friends because of it. I can see how some people use drugs and alchol to fill the void, I did this myself which definatley didnt help in all honesty

I understand the frustrations about not meeting women. I think you will though. It became apparent by reading your messages that you are an honest, sensitive, humerous, articulate person. What a great bunch of people.

 

[nicola_maire]

its very hard sometimes, because when yur not joining in with a conversation, your analysing it, which in my case, makes me fell very wierd, because it hink, oh my god it is me, everyones liek this, n im like that. i think the worse thing for me is that i used to be a person which i repected alot i didnt give a fuck what people thought of me, nor did i give a fuck about what i talked about, and with this, people liked me purly because i was unique, and didnt try to conform at all. with my best friend yasmin, its so easy for me to talk to her, n we laugh so much, because i know what to expect from her, so in that im not afraid of what she might say to me, if i say something stupid, she'll turn it into a joke, and not look down on me for it. i guess sometimes you just need to stand back and say:
'no one's perfect, so why am i trying to eb perfect, i cant fit in with everyone, becasue not everyone will like me, but i would rather them not like me for me, than the person im trying to be, becasue atleast then its true, and you dont have this feeling like if you were being yourself you might get on'
i think i need to find my own place in the world liek i once did. its hard becasue i wasnt much of a loooker when i was a kid, but all the same i loved myself completly, now that i am quite attractive i have so many hang ups, if i was purly myself i know that i could be whole, and to be honest, id rather hate my looks, but love my soul.
im starting to learn more and more about human nature.
i think you need be empathic, project yourself into someone else. when someone talks to you do you think 'oh what an idiotic thing to say, i bet she's a looser, oh my god she has no friends'.....well really you dont. so why would everyone else do that?

 

[thugaveli]

I can relate, they just have to accept you are what you are.
I went for a drink with the footy team once, now i dont mind playing footy as im keeping busy, but going for a drink after the game = socialising, talking, communicating...... and thats not for me but i went anyways
I just sat with 2 of the older quiet men while the rest of them sat in a big group laughing ect ect. 1 of the guys shouted across the room for me to join them and then said 'why don't you talk much'
I felt like id been totally invaded there, like hes making me speak or something. I don't make conversation and i don't talk unless i need to because whatever i say i feel is irrelevant or embarrasing
Just do what you feel comfortable with thats what i say
Don't be forced into something that kicks you in the teeth everytime