jellzzz
Well-known member
hello people, i want to share a personal victory with you because i'm kinda proud of it 
it probably sounds like something really stupid and easy, but for me, it is not.
i shared music with someone today.
one of my biggest fear ever is being rejected and criticised, and getting close to people is really difficult. the only one i know close (and its still kinda a wonder that i didnt push him away), is my boyfriend. he is such a sweet guy, and he is pretty understanding about my anxiety problems. he knows some things about me that nobody knows, and i love him so much. i feel finaly a little bit alive when i am with him.
but still, making small decisions, ( what i want to eat, what i like to do etc) and sharing things i like with him is hard. only the thought that he does not like an anser i give is torture. i always avoid it at any costs.
but not today. today i shared 10 (freaking 10!!) numbers with him i like. i was so fearfull and in panic at the beginning, and even now i get anxious thinking about it.
but he helped me a lot with holding my hand and doing breath-exercises.
and at the end, there were numbers he liked, there were numbers he did not like. i don't want to think about that last thing to much. and maybe i don't even care that much. the feeling of doing something you are so scared of, but actually enjoy too at the end is so strong
it probably sounds like something really stupid and easy, but for me, it is not.
i shared music with someone today.
one of my biggest fear ever is being rejected and criticised, and getting close to people is really difficult. the only one i know close (and its still kinda a wonder that i didnt push him away), is my boyfriend. he is such a sweet guy, and he is pretty understanding about my anxiety problems. he knows some things about me that nobody knows, and i love him so much. i feel finaly a little bit alive when i am with him.
but still, making small decisions, ( what i want to eat, what i like to do etc) and sharing things i like with him is hard. only the thought that he does not like an anser i give is torture. i always avoid it at any costs.
but not today. today i shared 10 (freaking 10!!) numbers with him i like. i was so fearfull and in panic at the beginning, and even now i get anxious thinking about it.
but he helped me a lot with holding my hand and doing breath-exercises.
and at the end, there were numbers he liked, there were numbers he did not like. i don't want to think about that last thing to much. and maybe i don't even care that much. the feeling of doing something you are so scared of, but actually enjoy too at the end is so strong
