Anxiety regarding if a girl knows that I like her.

[LUEshi]

Ok, here's my situation. For perspective, I'm 15 and a sophomore in High School. There's this girl in some of my classes that I like. I'm not really that close with her, as we don't really talk much. We have a good number of classes that we're in together, and a few more where we share teachers, but we're in different periods. I'm trying not to fall into the trap of past years where there will be one girl that I'm really attracted to, but I never talk to because I'm so shy. I'll talk to her about school things, for example asking what we're doing in spanish today (We have the same teacher, but she has the class earlier than me) The only time she's really talked to me about anything else is when she ofund out I was in a band, and we talked about that for a little while, and she seemed genuinely interested. However, I don't want to fall into another trap of only talking about school, but I don't know what to do. I don't think she dislikes me, she smile when talking a lot, but she'll never initiate conversation with me.

Now, looking at it from a logical point of view, which nevers seems to have much power in these matters, it's not that she dislikes me. When I think about it, sh seems pretty shy. In a lull in class, when there's free time to talk, a lot of kids will just get into conversations about stuff. I'm more of a quiet type, so I'm mostly silent in these times of situations. It's not that I would mind talking to anyone if someone starts talking to me, but unless I have sopmething to say, I won't actively seek anyone. She seems like this to, at least in classes she's in with me. Other people might start talking to her, but not much. Now, this should seem like the perfect time to start up a conversation with her. I'm scared that she might think me wierd for talking to her, when the most our friendship is is just talking about school related stuff. Yeah, I know I'm a mess when it comes to self-confidence, and itt's something I'm trying to change.

The main problem is that I think that by talking to her too much, and seemingly out of knowhere, she'll know that I like her. :/ I've been this way for a looong time. Since 4th grade or maybe even below, I've always had a problem with letting people know my feelings in this area, even my guy friends. I've always had a wall of insecurity and I w ouldn't talk about it, even when prodded. There's only a certain few that I can be honest with.

 

[Hopeless05]

Hey LUEshi,

I can relate to what you are going through. Although I have had similar problems in the past (in high school as well) perhaps I can offer some advice from the outside looking in.

You say that she seem's like the quiet type who doesn't actively seek to talk to other people, much like yourself. That for one should tell you that she perhaps is shy too and even if she wants to speak to you may not initiate.

And you say that she doesn't dislike you, but you don't think that she likes you? There are many different types of girls who act many different ways when they like a guy.

There are girls who will try to be around a guy as much as she can and do anything she can to get his attention, and there are girls who are shy about liking someone and will probably not show how they feel at all. For instance, you like her but you don't really do a lot to make it blatantly obvious to her.

At the same time, if she does believe that you may like her, what is so bad about that? I understand how you feel, and logic will often not seem to go hand in hand with our feelings. If she does think that you like her what is the worst that can happen?

I know it's hard but you just have to let it flow. Why not take the initiative to talk to her when you want to. You say it may seem odd to you, but does it seem odd to you when other people randomly come up to you to converse? You must look at the perception from both sides.

I don't think it can hurt to talk to her more. I'd say that is the best way to progress and find out if you do have any chance of going farther with her. Best of luck to you and I hope that it all works out for ya.

 

[Angie_05]

If it were me, and a guy liked me, I would want him to try to get to know me first. If I were sitting alone not talking to anyone, i certainly wouldn't mind the other quiet guy in the room chatting with me.

Sounds like you are experiencing a fear of rejection. If you get to know her, and you eventually tell her you are interested, she could either accept or reject your offer to get closer. If you get rejected, there are many complicated reasons why that happens. Doesn't have anything to do with how worthy you are of having a girlfriend or how all girls perceive you. If she accepts your offer, then you guys can probably hang out outside of school.

If I were that girl I would probably want you to go for it.

 

[LUEshi]

I thought about your advice today. I realize that a lot of my thinking is illogical and probably stems from low self-esteem.

So today, for the first 5-10 minutes of history class, our teacher was out and there was a sub in but we weren't doing anything. Most of the class was talking amongst themselves. It's a large 30+ student class, and only me, the girl, and a few other kids weren't talking. I thought "Hey, this is a good time to say something... anything" I thought about asking whether we had to do something for Spanish. We have the same teacher, I've asked her stuff about it before, and I legitimately needed to know the question. However, as soon as I thought about doing it, I was overcome by extreme anxiety. I realized the irrationality of my thinking, but i couldn't bring myself to ask, at first. I finally did, nothing bad happened she answered but we didn't keep talking, but, I felt pretty good I guess.

I'm still disappointed that I can't get anything beyond that, plus I missed a chance to talk with her later on in the day.

 

[Angie_05]

Hey LUEshi. It's good that you ignored your anxiety and spoke to her anyway. It sounds like it wasn't as bad as you thought. I think that talking to someone that you only know at school is really hard because you might not know enough about them to make small talk.

A good way to shift the conversation from school to personal stuff is to start with school then tie it into your personal life. Like "I didn't get the homework done last night because my favorite show was on TV." nor "I was too busy chatting with my friends on AIM. Do you use AIM or yahoo?" So simple. It's also a good way to see if she is interested in getting to know you if she decides to join in the conversation and asks you questions as well.

 

[LUEshi]

v_V I get diaappointed in myself when I can't muster up the courage for it. Today we were playing volleyball in Gym, and she was on my team. I still didn't say anything to her .

 

[lostboi]

It's hard but if you can't get up the courage don't beat your self up about it cause that just makes your self esteem worse..


Hey Masterpiece2
I like tha new AVATAR!

 

[4myself]

You could perhaps try and talk a bit to her friends as well, it is a secret girl thing (shh, dont tell anyone), that generally you are looked upon more favourably if you can get along with her friends as well, or at least you can be polite to them.