Livingwithoutlivin
Well-known member
I feel like we are looking at it from the viewpoint of somebody who already lost. I mean, back when I was able to control my thoughts, I recall knowing that I would never ever put myself in an ackward situation by doing something embarrassing that could make me look stupid or ruin my reputation. I feel like the strength of that conviction died away over time, and I feel that the reason for that is that, I told myself my life was over and the consequences didn't really matter. I understood that life was a game, but I told myself who gives a shit what I do, as long as I am safe and I have a place to live in and food to eat, even though my parents pay for it and not me. If I had no friends, no parents to run to, to give me shelter, the game would be so completely different. I would not have the choice of wimpering all the time, I would know that the consequences would be extremely dire and unfavorable. Like, I'd end up on the street, sleeping in the park in the rain at dusk. I think we are not abundant in problems. I know that is the case for me. I have to see it the way that I used to see it, where failure was not an option and no way in goddamn hell would I allow others to see me as weird.