Anxiety depending on the place people have in your life?

[xtina_fan81]

I didnt know how to word the subject!, but yeah.

Does anyone else feel much more comfortable around peoplethat they are not going to be a big part of your life, or not for long? For some reason, I am ok when talkign to people & where im gna be commuincating with people in like a one off situation. For example, I was looking at shoes a while ago, and although i couldnt actually ask someone for help, when one of the staff asked me if i wanted assistance, i was able ot say yes and what i wanted etc, and even ask for more things. Like i didnt just stick to the minimim amount possible. I knew i probably wouldnt see that person again, or wouldnt have any long term connection to them. i was pretty "normal" in speaking to them. and i dont think he wouldve had any idea that i suffer from any kind of social disorder.
BUT
when i started my university course and met all the people that i knew i was going to be spending alot of the next few years with, i become quiet and reserved and the anxiety is there and stronger than ever. its probablypartly because everyone else ive had that much time with have seen me as that, so my mind is just telling me itll be the same. and i cant talk freely.

Is this just a "type" of SA? does anyone else share the same experience?
letme know if any of it isnt clear, not sure how well i have explained it :/

 

[Joldo]

I know what you mean. I feel more relaxed with people If I know I will never see them again or I will see them very rarely (Like once every couple of months). Sometimes I think part of it is because I know whatever i do or say infront of these people probably won't get back to anyone I see on a regular bases.

An example of this is when I used to see my friend's girlfriend once every couple of months,although I barely knew her; amazingly I could carry a decent conversation with her. But if I tried a similar thing at work or when I was at Uni, It would just be a mess.

 

[Foxglove]

Hey, you know, that never really occurred to me before. I'm pretty much okay talking to sales people, or asking someone on the street for the time or directions, or whatever. But having to talk to people I have to see on a regular basis, like my husband's friends, my son's teacher, relatives, I feel totally tense and scared. I'm sure people probably think I'm borderline retarded because I can never say anything interesting or intelligent :x .

 

[Joey86]

Yup I've noticed this for a while now too. I can talk to strangers rather well, but with people I know I'll probably see again in the future, I'll be a lot more nervous. For me, I think the fact that I know that I'll probably never meet them again means that they don't get to know me well enough to make many deep judgements about me.

The bright side to this is that taking holidays to other places can be a really nice way to relax for a while, because everybody you talk to is a stranger, whom you'll probably never see again.

 

[xtina_fan81]

Im glad people have smiliar thoughts.

For me, I think the fact that I know that I'll probably never meet them again means that they don't get to know me well enough to make many deep judgements about me.

I know exactly what you mean here, its like you have them at a distance if you're not going to see them much if ever again anyway, so there is no need to put up a wall like how we do with people we will have to be having ongoing communcation with.

 

[Joey86]

I know exactly what you mean here, its like you have them at a distance if you're not going to see them much if ever again anyway, so there is no need to put up a wall like how we do with people we will have to be having ongoing communcation with.

[repeat post]

 

[Joey86]

I know exactly what you mean here, its like you have them at a distance if you're not going to see them much if ever again anyway, so there is no need to put up a wall like how we do with people we will have to be having ongoing communcation with.

What's curious about this is that for me, I'm really comfortable around my closest friends. It's people that I know, but at the same time, don't know well enough that make me uncomfortable.

I think for me, close friends have gone way past the stage of judging and weighing me up. It's almost a kind of unconditional friendship to some extent if that makes sense lol. I feel that people who half know me will have tendencies to judge.

 

[xtina_fan81]

Oh yeah I know what you mean. It was more a generalization. I have a few close friends i am comfortabe around, but it took time. When i was 11 and went up to "bigger" school it took me about 5 years to actually find friends that i trusted. My close friends now just took me as i am, and were the first people who started to accept me. I dont know if its a rarity for people to do that,or if its just OUR disbelief in most people thinking that they will judge and assume they wont want to get to know us. Some are obviously just ignorant and dont understand how anyone can keep their mouth shut for 5 mins. them people we are unlikely to ever feel comfortable around.

 

[recluse]

I have a problem with people getting to know me too well. don't know why, but i think that people are going to get bored of me and abandon me.

 

[friend807]

wow
we share the same thing lol
but i dont have completely interpret about this bid
in fact social phobia is very very complicated and have a common things
that people shares together

 

[flake__]

Yes i relate to this thread i think all SPers can. If i lived in a world full of strangers my SP would be very happy. This is because SP is worrying about judgements, you will never see a stranger again probably so you think you do not have to worry about the judgements.

I say my SP would be happy, well it would for a while, then it would start to impose conditions on me, like certain strangers would trigger the fear. Cos SP is never happy. You can't restrict yourself and do what SP wants, because SP will only ask for more. I have learnt this very recently. Because at the end of the day the problem is in your head, you have this voice eating away inside of you that is never satisfied. You have to challenge that voice, not the situation, and look within.

Read this people: www.zoism.co.uk/sp.