Anonymous
Well-known member
Hi there.
It’s a bit long but it might help you with your anxiety. I would be grateful for any advice on my story.
Over the last year I’ve suffered from panic attacks and anxiety related effects. It all started at the end of my degree when i was sat in an exam and had a major panic attack. I remember looking up at the light, then looking down at my paper and everything went funny. I started to loose feeling in my legs and i just wanted to leave. It then went away for 5 - 10 mins and returned again. I stopped caught my breath and continued again. It came back a third time and i was so panicky i stopped writing and waited till the exam finished and everyone had left before i made a move. Walking out was hard enough as i thought i was going to collapse. As soon as i got in my car i was fine.
I then started a new job and was happy now i had my degree. I was then told i needed to lecture students on a particular topic to do with my research. I find presentations are my weak point and i hate doing them. The first few lectures i did were rubbish although i didn't have a panic attack. However, i was starting the feel anxiety and suffer panic attacks in public places. It was getting so bad that i couldn't get on a bus. I decided to seek help. I saw the work councillor and he did several relaxation techniques with me. To be honest I thought it was all a big joke but it does work. He told me I was suffering from panic attacks and anxiety related effects. I read books that confused me deeply with all the different forms of anxiety. I then stopped my teaching and the panic attacks went away. I was building my confidence back and could get on a bus with only feeling minor anxiety. Occasionally, and I still have minor panic attacks that go quickly.
A few months ago I started teaching again and my presentation skills have improved 10 fold. I’m more confident but still get very anxious just before I begin a lecture. I realised all my anxiety was related to public performance and how well I came across to a stranger or even someone I knew. Hence the anxiety on the bus, waiting in a queue, walking in a room full of people and so on. I have this thought in my head that I’m not fully with it and I might collapse. This is the root of my problem and its difficult to get it out of my head.
After starting the teaching again and seeking advice I can control my anxiety, but something happened last weekend that threw a spanner in the works. I went along to a rock concert in one of the refectories of my university. I was stood there watching one of the bands play (having anxiety by the way. So I moved around when I felt I might faint) and in front of me this kid starts to faint. I looked at him and noticed his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He then fell in front of me and I managed to catch him before he hit the ground. No-one around me helped and I had a massive adrenaline rush as I tried to get someone to help. I dashed off to get a security guy and when I came back the kid got to his feet and was being helped by someone. This incident triggered my anxiety off again and I thought for the rest of the concert that I was going to faint just like he did. I kept picturing myself as doing the same thing and how the people around me would react. I felt aweful for the rest of the night until I had a few beers and all anxiety went away. I have actually always noticed that two beers or more calms the nerves for anxiety to go away completely. However, this is not a solution. Then today, I walk into the refectory for lunch which is the first time I’ve been in the building since the rock concert. As soon as I was in the queue with my friends I had a panic attack. I wanted to run off and go back to my office. However, I stayed in the queue and the attack went away. It then came back on, went away, and then came on again. By the time I paid for my food I was very uptight and wanted to throw my tray on the ground and walk out. I sat down and kept getting the attacks again. As soon as I left the refectory I was fine. The only explanation I could give was the vision of the kid fainting happening to me again. It was an aweful feeling and I hate getting these attacks as its having a great effect on my social and working life. I’m now scared that my next lecture will go particularly bad as I’ll be thinking of fainting and the refectory panic attacks happening to me before the lecture starts.
I would like to say though that seeking help and talking to people, whether they are your friends family etc.. has helped me no end. My mother was the best for this and its actually brought me closer to her now I feel I can open up to someone and not bottle it up inside. My therapist is also good for this but I tend not to tell him the really personal stuff. He also says I should get a girlfriend which would help me feel more confident about myself. I haven’t done this yet but I’m working on it…
It’s a bit long but it might help you with your anxiety. I would be grateful for any advice on my story.
Over the last year I’ve suffered from panic attacks and anxiety related effects. It all started at the end of my degree when i was sat in an exam and had a major panic attack. I remember looking up at the light, then looking down at my paper and everything went funny. I started to loose feeling in my legs and i just wanted to leave. It then went away for 5 - 10 mins and returned again. I stopped caught my breath and continued again. It came back a third time and i was so panicky i stopped writing and waited till the exam finished and everyone had left before i made a move. Walking out was hard enough as i thought i was going to collapse. As soon as i got in my car i was fine.
I then started a new job and was happy now i had my degree. I was then told i needed to lecture students on a particular topic to do with my research. I find presentations are my weak point and i hate doing them. The first few lectures i did were rubbish although i didn't have a panic attack. However, i was starting the feel anxiety and suffer panic attacks in public places. It was getting so bad that i couldn't get on a bus. I decided to seek help. I saw the work councillor and he did several relaxation techniques with me. To be honest I thought it was all a big joke but it does work. He told me I was suffering from panic attacks and anxiety related effects. I read books that confused me deeply with all the different forms of anxiety. I then stopped my teaching and the panic attacks went away. I was building my confidence back and could get on a bus with only feeling minor anxiety. Occasionally, and I still have minor panic attacks that go quickly.
A few months ago I started teaching again and my presentation skills have improved 10 fold. I’m more confident but still get very anxious just before I begin a lecture. I realised all my anxiety was related to public performance and how well I came across to a stranger or even someone I knew. Hence the anxiety on the bus, waiting in a queue, walking in a room full of people and so on. I have this thought in my head that I’m not fully with it and I might collapse. This is the root of my problem and its difficult to get it out of my head.
After starting the teaching again and seeking advice I can control my anxiety, but something happened last weekend that threw a spanner in the works. I went along to a rock concert in one of the refectories of my university. I was stood there watching one of the bands play (having anxiety by the way. So I moved around when I felt I might faint) and in front of me this kid starts to faint. I looked at him and noticed his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He then fell in front of me and I managed to catch him before he hit the ground. No-one around me helped and I had a massive adrenaline rush as I tried to get someone to help. I dashed off to get a security guy and when I came back the kid got to his feet and was being helped by someone. This incident triggered my anxiety off again and I thought for the rest of the concert that I was going to faint just like he did. I kept picturing myself as doing the same thing and how the people around me would react. I felt aweful for the rest of the night until I had a few beers and all anxiety went away. I have actually always noticed that two beers or more calms the nerves for anxiety to go away completely. However, this is not a solution. Then today, I walk into the refectory for lunch which is the first time I’ve been in the building since the rock concert. As soon as I was in the queue with my friends I had a panic attack. I wanted to run off and go back to my office. However, I stayed in the queue and the attack went away. It then came back on, went away, and then came on again. By the time I paid for my food I was very uptight and wanted to throw my tray on the ground and walk out. I sat down and kept getting the attacks again. As soon as I left the refectory I was fine. The only explanation I could give was the vision of the kid fainting happening to me again. It was an aweful feeling and I hate getting these attacks as its having a great effect on my social and working life. I’m now scared that my next lecture will go particularly bad as I’ll be thinking of fainting and the refectory panic attacks happening to me before the lecture starts.
I would like to say though that seeking help and talking to people, whether they are your friends family etc.. has helped me no end. My mother was the best for this and its actually brought me closer to her now I feel I can open up to someone and not bottle it up inside. My therapist is also good for this but I tend not to tell him the really personal stuff. He also says I should get a girlfriend which would help me feel more confident about myself. I haven’t done this yet but I’m working on it…
