BornAgain
Well-known member
Before I start typing and you start reading this, let me tell you what it's about, and a little about what I'm about (my history, experiences, etc.). This thread, in a nutshell, is about how anti depressants are bullshit, and why (meaning they don't work, and are just placebos). Also, I'd like to note that this is kind of an essay, and is fairly long, but [/u]VERY INFORMATIVE[/u]!!!!!
I just recently turned 18, and in the past for years or so, I have had handfulls of experiences with drugs. To give a short list of what I've used: weed, cocaine, over-the-counter highs, ecstasy, opium, hallucinogenic mushrooms, narcotic perscription pain killers, and others I can't remember off the top of my head at this moment. Of all those, I have "abused" weed, OTC highs, ecstasy, and pain killers. Now, before you stop reading, the connection to my experience with drugs and anti-depressants is simply the fact that they are both (although I am unsure about the ad's) psychotropic substances. In other words, they are drugs. Ok, now that we go that out of the way, let's go on.
In early December, I was pretty depressed about the fact that I couldn't make eye-contact with people because doing so was accompanied by a horrid feeling of awkwardness equal to the horrid presence of Death. Along with being depressed, I feeling very hopeless about my options, and I considered anti-depressant meds as my last ticket out, because I have to much pride to admit to myself that; first of all, I'm "depressed", and second of all, I'm going to need prescriptions to get me out of this degrading position. So, my doctor "diagnosed" me with Major Depression, some of the symptoms which I faked in order to obtain meds, and prescribed some Sertraline HCL, generic for Zoloft. As with all meds, you start off with a small dose and gradually increase and wait a month to feel anything and all that conniving bullshit.
Note: Later on my doctor also added generic Wellbutrin, but we'll get to that part later.
So, I get home and I take my first dose. 5 minutes pass. Don't feel anything. An hour. Nothing. Now, I realized at the time that it should take a month to feel something, but I assumed that it just takes that long to get used to the feeling and be able to stay that way, since you take so much and every day, so I was a bit surprised when not even a tiny buzz was felt. Like stated before, I've used a fair amount of drugs. Now, the longest it took me to feel an effect for any drug was around twenty minutes, and there was a noticable come-up in betwen that time. Shit, when I do coke, it's over in 20 minutes! But this "drug", it's different, it's [/i]special.
Feeling very dissappointed, and not to mention ashamed, I just looked forward to the next day, hoping that the second or third dose would be sufficient to feel something. But, as you may have guessed, nothing happened. Now I'm looking forward to the rest of the week, and maybe just the one after that. Time gone by, and so did my patience and hopes after the first two weeks.
At that point, I thought "hey, maybe that one month shit is right, I'll just wait it out then...". Waited. Nothing. At that point, I then, in a desperate move, did alot of research on AD's. What I found was it could take 4-8 weeks before you notice the drugs' effects. This kinda put a small smirky smile of what turned out to be false hope on my face. So, I wait a whole other month, and goddamnit by the end of that month, to say the very fucking least, I was pissed off.
Note: From the time I frst started Zoloft to this point, I occasionally felt alright, sometimes even happy, but in retrospect, that feeling of alright happiness was only the false hope spitting on my face. Either that, or I had a genuine reason to be or feel happy. None of this happiness, of course, was not a single time accompanied by any sort of high or buzz that is associated with any kind of drug.
Sometime after this, I saw my doctor again, she said I looked better. I explained to her that sometimes I felt alright, sometimes like shit. I also told her about how I think the medication has had nothing to do with How I am or how I ever felt, but she just snapped back at me with a polite "I doubt that" which was sheilding it's cold-heartedness. I just ignored her response, for I am a person who will argue my point until either I am proved right, or I prove myself wrong, and getting in a heated debate about the treatment that your "treater" is treating you with isn't very nice, and just makes you look like an ungrateful bitch.
Before I went on this doctor checkup, I had researched another AD caled WellButrin. I learned that it is a selective noripinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor, in contrast to Zoloft wich just (supposedly) inhibits serotonin, and I also learned that it makes your mind feel good as well as the uncomfortable bodily sensations associated with depression. Now, as a drug user who is familiar with all these chemicals that are associated with being high, this sounded like some chronic shit! I was getting 3 kinds of chemicals flooding my brain with good-feeling, and at this point I wasn't really depressed, I was just REALLY fucking pissed off. That was probably irrelevant, but I had to stick it in somewhere
. So, after having lost hope in Zoloft, I decided to give this new drug a try, with some enthusiasm.
In order shorten the story, I'll you the jist of the effects off of WellButrin. Nothing, and, uh, an even shorter temper! I was like one of those false-dud fire crackers, you know the ones that explode right before you put your hand down to pick it up because you though it was a dud. I was just about to explode with anger at any given moment. I mean, I was FUCKING PISSED!
So, against my doctors instructions, as well as the AD's respective websites', I abruptly stopped taking these sugar pills laced with chalk (this was around early-mid February). Supposedly, when you do this, you all of a sudden feel like a worthless dry peice of shit and all that nonsense. I did this against colloquial logic in attempt to conduct a test; I wanted to see the difference in my mood/behavior before I quit, and after. If I were to sense a significant difference, then I would change my belief that this is just chalk and sugar, and change that to the belief that maybe I am so hoplessly depressed without even realizing it that not even two AD's can cure my dillema.
Please, guess what happened next, you get three guesses! I start, all of a magical sudden, feeling like a manic peice of shit and I killed my favorite cat and nearly killed my little brother! HAHAHA, just kidding, fuck that. Nothing happened. Nada, zilch, I don't know any other languages, but you get the point! Not only had I had all this bottled up anger against Phizer (the manufacturer of Zoloft), and whoever the fuck makes WellButrin, I felt utterly deceived and tricked. This, in turn, fueled the fire of my anger. At this point, if the representatives of either or both of those companies came to me with a statement trying to prove me wrong or something, I literally would have killed them, and I would have enjoyed it, as much as I enjoy watching "That 70's Show". Note: I am not a sadistic murderer, this is merely a complex emotion.
So, comes the stage of introspection, reminiscing, and logical reasoning. I pretty much realized that the market of pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" is one of the most successful, genius corporate pyramid scheme ever to be concocted. Then I thought some more. Who benefits from all this? You know, besides the corporate demons. I statrted thinking; in the past 4-5 months, I've had about 4-5 times more doctor visits than I've had in the past 4-5 years. Likewise, I've been to the pharmacy 4-5 times.............you know where I'm going with this. So, who benefits from all this?
First, the doctor's clinic that you visit. I mean, their secretaries need money too. Second, your doctor. In my book, either your doctor is in full partnership and alliance with these pharmaceutical corporations and are fully aware of the pyramid scheme, and may even get some cash under the counter, or the pharmaceutical corporations have forced the doctor to comply and keep their mouths shut at risk of getting fired or losing their license or something like that. Corporations can bend the law like the jaws of life can cut through tin foil. And the pharmacies, oh Jesus, the pharmacies. These fuckers make loot! You know how expensive Zoloft costs for about 3 weeks supply? $125. That much, just for some scored pills engraved with meaningless numbers made up of sugar, chalk, and diarrhea soup! Good thing I had insurance, no way I would pay that much for any drug that doesn't give an immediate high. But still, those $10 co-payments could've went to, say, a sufficient amount of ecstasy or coke that would keep me happy for a week straight!
I think there is much I left out, but I am extrmemely tired, and the only thing keeping me awake now is my anger, and the sorrow I feel for people who have, are, or are considering fallng into this trap that all to often people fall for. To wrap it up, I'll tell you where I am now. It's been a little less then a month since off this shit. I have to lie with the shame of having taken anti-depressants. I have to live with the social stigma associated with taking them, this very stigma that is carried on into my family and social life, as if my life weren't already awkward. I am still VERY pissed off, and someday, I will exact my revenge. But not just for me, for every single soul who has been tricked by these savy cretins. I feel much better off this shit, like 100 lbs lighter! I still don't make eye-contact with people, and if anything it's gotten worse with people who know I've been on this shit because it has greatly increased the awkwardness. I now know the true meaning of the phrase, "drugs are bad!".
Note: The only side-effect off this "medicine" was occasional diarrhea, and a decreased tolerance for alcohol. According to my doctor, this is a good sign, a sign that it's working. I attribute the diarrhea to the chalk and any other unknown factory waste that may be stuffed into these pills. As for the alcohol intolerance, I attribute that either to placebo effect, or some kind of chemical interaction with the unknown factory waste. I do not associate any of these side-effects with "good signs".
I just recently turned 18, and in the past for years or so, I have had handfulls of experiences with drugs. To give a short list of what I've used: weed, cocaine, over-the-counter highs, ecstasy, opium, hallucinogenic mushrooms, narcotic perscription pain killers, and others I can't remember off the top of my head at this moment. Of all those, I have "abused" weed, OTC highs, ecstasy, and pain killers. Now, before you stop reading, the connection to my experience with drugs and anti-depressants is simply the fact that they are both (although I am unsure about the ad's) psychotropic substances. In other words, they are drugs. Ok, now that we go that out of the way, let's go on.
In early December, I was pretty depressed about the fact that I couldn't make eye-contact with people because doing so was accompanied by a horrid feeling of awkwardness equal to the horrid presence of Death. Along with being depressed, I feeling very hopeless about my options, and I considered anti-depressant meds as my last ticket out, because I have to much pride to admit to myself that; first of all, I'm "depressed", and second of all, I'm going to need prescriptions to get me out of this degrading position. So, my doctor "diagnosed" me with Major Depression, some of the symptoms which I faked in order to obtain meds, and prescribed some Sertraline HCL, generic for Zoloft. As with all meds, you start off with a small dose and gradually increase and wait a month to feel anything and all that conniving bullshit.
Note: Later on my doctor also added generic Wellbutrin, but we'll get to that part later.
So, I get home and I take my first dose. 5 minutes pass. Don't feel anything. An hour. Nothing. Now, I realized at the time that it should take a month to feel something, but I assumed that it just takes that long to get used to the feeling and be able to stay that way, since you take so much and every day, so I was a bit surprised when not even a tiny buzz was felt. Like stated before, I've used a fair amount of drugs. Now, the longest it took me to feel an effect for any drug was around twenty minutes, and there was a noticable come-up in betwen that time. Shit, when I do coke, it's over in 20 minutes! But this "drug", it's different, it's [/i]special.
Feeling very dissappointed, and not to mention ashamed, I just looked forward to the next day, hoping that the second or third dose would be sufficient to feel something. But, as you may have guessed, nothing happened. Now I'm looking forward to the rest of the week, and maybe just the one after that. Time gone by, and so did my patience and hopes after the first two weeks.
At that point, I thought "hey, maybe that one month shit is right, I'll just wait it out then...". Waited. Nothing. At that point, I then, in a desperate move, did alot of research on AD's. What I found was it could take 4-8 weeks before you notice the drugs' effects. This kinda put a small smirky smile of what turned out to be false hope on my face. So, I wait a whole other month, and goddamnit by the end of that month, to say the very fucking least, I was pissed off.
Note: From the time I frst started Zoloft to this point, I occasionally felt alright, sometimes even happy, but in retrospect, that feeling of alright happiness was only the false hope spitting on my face. Either that, or I had a genuine reason to be or feel happy. None of this happiness, of course, was not a single time accompanied by any sort of high or buzz that is associated with any kind of drug.
Sometime after this, I saw my doctor again, she said I looked better. I explained to her that sometimes I felt alright, sometimes like shit. I also told her about how I think the medication has had nothing to do with How I am or how I ever felt, but she just snapped back at me with a polite "I doubt that" which was sheilding it's cold-heartedness. I just ignored her response, for I am a person who will argue my point until either I am proved right, or I prove myself wrong, and getting in a heated debate about the treatment that your "treater" is treating you with isn't very nice, and just makes you look like an ungrateful bitch.
Before I went on this doctor checkup, I had researched another AD caled WellButrin. I learned that it is a selective noripinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor, in contrast to Zoloft wich just (supposedly) inhibits serotonin, and I also learned that it makes your mind feel good as well as the uncomfortable bodily sensations associated with depression. Now, as a drug user who is familiar with all these chemicals that are associated with being high, this sounded like some chronic shit! I was getting 3 kinds of chemicals flooding my brain with good-feeling, and at this point I wasn't really depressed, I was just REALLY fucking pissed off. That was probably irrelevant, but I had to stick it in somewhere
. So, after having lost hope in Zoloft, I decided to give this new drug a try, with some enthusiasm.In order shorten the story, I'll you the jist of the effects off of WellButrin. Nothing, and, uh, an even shorter temper! I was like one of those false-dud fire crackers, you know the ones that explode right before you put your hand down to pick it up because you though it was a dud. I was just about to explode with anger at any given moment. I mean, I was FUCKING PISSED!
So, against my doctors instructions, as well as the AD's respective websites', I abruptly stopped taking these sugar pills laced with chalk (this was around early-mid February). Supposedly, when you do this, you all of a sudden feel like a worthless dry peice of shit and all that nonsense. I did this against colloquial logic in attempt to conduct a test; I wanted to see the difference in my mood/behavior before I quit, and after. If I were to sense a significant difference, then I would change my belief that this is just chalk and sugar, and change that to the belief that maybe I am so hoplessly depressed without even realizing it that not even two AD's can cure my dillema.
Please, guess what happened next, you get three guesses! I start, all of a magical sudden, feeling like a manic peice of shit and I killed my favorite cat and nearly killed my little brother! HAHAHA, just kidding, fuck that. Nothing happened. Nada, zilch, I don't know any other languages, but you get the point! Not only had I had all this bottled up anger against Phizer (the manufacturer of Zoloft), and whoever the fuck makes WellButrin, I felt utterly deceived and tricked. This, in turn, fueled the fire of my anger. At this point, if the representatives of either or both of those companies came to me with a statement trying to prove me wrong or something, I literally would have killed them, and I would have enjoyed it, as much as I enjoy watching "That 70's Show". Note: I am not a sadistic murderer, this is merely a complex emotion.
So, comes the stage of introspection, reminiscing, and logical reasoning. I pretty much realized that the market of pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" is one of the most successful, genius corporate pyramid scheme ever to be concocted. Then I thought some more. Who benefits from all this? You know, besides the corporate demons. I statrted thinking; in the past 4-5 months, I've had about 4-5 times more doctor visits than I've had in the past 4-5 years. Likewise, I've been to the pharmacy 4-5 times.............you know where I'm going with this. So, who benefits from all this?
First, the doctor's clinic that you visit. I mean, their secretaries need money too. Second, your doctor. In my book, either your doctor is in full partnership and alliance with these pharmaceutical corporations and are fully aware of the pyramid scheme, and may even get some cash under the counter, or the pharmaceutical corporations have forced the doctor to comply and keep their mouths shut at risk of getting fired or losing their license or something like that. Corporations can bend the law like the jaws of life can cut through tin foil. And the pharmacies, oh Jesus, the pharmacies. These fuckers make loot! You know how expensive Zoloft costs for about 3 weeks supply? $125. That much, just for some scored pills engraved with meaningless numbers made up of sugar, chalk, and diarrhea soup! Good thing I had insurance, no way I would pay that much for any drug that doesn't give an immediate high. But still, those $10 co-payments could've went to, say, a sufficient amount of ecstasy or coke that would keep me happy for a week straight!
I think there is much I left out, but I am extrmemely tired, and the only thing keeping me awake now is my anger, and the sorrow I feel for people who have, are, or are considering fallng into this trap that all to often people fall for. To wrap it up, I'll tell you where I am now. It's been a little less then a month since off this shit. I have to lie with the shame of having taken anti-depressants. I have to live with the social stigma associated with taking them, this very stigma that is carried on into my family and social life, as if my life weren't already awkward. I am still VERY pissed off, and someday, I will exact my revenge. But not just for me, for every single soul who has been tricked by these savy cretins. I feel much better off this shit, like 100 lbs lighter! I still don't make eye-contact with people, and if anything it's gotten worse with people who know I've been on this shit because it has greatly increased the awkwardness. I now know the true meaning of the phrase, "drugs are bad!".
Note: The only side-effect off this "medicine" was occasional diarrhea, and a decreased tolerance for alcohol. According to my doctor, this is a good sign, a sign that it's working. I attribute the diarrhea to the chalk and any other unknown factory waste that may be stuffed into these pills. As for the alcohol intolerance, I attribute that either to placebo effect, or some kind of chemical interaction with the unknown factory waste. I do not associate any of these side-effects with "good signs".
