sosantney
Member
Before I post, I just want to note, I understand that I can get receive medical advice accurately without consulting a doctor (which I have many times) but after I post, hopefully you'll understand why I respect the opinion more for someone who suffers from the disorder than an actual doctor telling me.
My history- my name Is Anthony, I am 22 years old. Since the time I was 16 I've been in and out of therapy. Since I was 16 most of the therapist have told me that i am OCD. This is why they believe this. My problem is that my mind races constantly, I am over analytical to the extent that I won't believe anything because I believe it can be interpreted in some many different variations that it must not really be that may, it must just be my current perception of how it is. When I do become Obsessive about something, I usually won't feel relief till I do what my head tells me to do. For example, tonight I said, "If I post online, I'll never have the real answer" When I know that's not true, but I still feel the overwhelming need to do it. But... sometimes I don't think what the doctors tell me is true because one, they tell me so many different things without really knowing me, I've often been told I'm Bipolar also. I also don't think I am and maybe this is a stereotype but I don't have germaphobic rituals, although I do have other ones... like using blue lighters. I know in my heart that if I use a blue lighter nothing bad will happen, but my head tells ...well maybe so don't even do it. But most of it is mental. The most common thing is stuff like..., stupid stuff. Tonight I spilt a bag of pretzel and I was picking them up, and I didn't pick them all up at first, and thought, this is symbolic to my life, always half done, and I do that with everything. I have this fear that if I take psych meds that they will completely just make me stop thinking and I won't be able to use my Obsessive behavior in a creative way like school. I just feel really lost.
My history- my name Is Anthony, I am 22 years old. Since the time I was 16 I've been in and out of therapy. Since I was 16 most of the therapist have told me that i am OCD. This is why they believe this. My problem is that my mind races constantly, I am over analytical to the extent that I won't believe anything because I believe it can be interpreted in some many different variations that it must not really be that may, it must just be my current perception of how it is. When I do become Obsessive about something, I usually won't feel relief till I do what my head tells me to do. For example, tonight I said, "If I post online, I'll never have the real answer" When I know that's not true, but I still feel the overwhelming need to do it. But... sometimes I don't think what the doctors tell me is true because one, they tell me so many different things without really knowing me, I've often been told I'm Bipolar also. I also don't think I am and maybe this is a stereotype but I don't have germaphobic rituals, although I do have other ones... like using blue lighters. I know in my heart that if I use a blue lighter nothing bad will happen, but my head tells ...well maybe so don't even do it. But most of it is mental. The most common thing is stuff like..., stupid stuff. Tonight I spilt a bag of pretzel and I was picking them up, and I didn't pick them all up at first, and thought, this is symbolic to my life, always half done, and I do that with everything. I have this fear that if I take psych meds that they will completely just make me stop thinking and I won't be able to use my Obsessive behavior in a creative way like school. I just feel really lost.
