am i an SA victim?

#1
hey i've browsed these forums...then joined a couple of days ago.

well i'm about to be 15 years old.

now heres my story :

i've never been much of an outside type of person. in fact i've only gone outside to go to school for the past 5 or so years.....otherwise i'm usually inside my home where i'm comfortable.

whenever i was 7 years old my parents divorced so we moved 2 hours away from my father. the school i went to....i was always in fights no matter what...you give a kid a look and he takes it offensive..but that was in 1996-1997.
i've lived with my father since 2000...and the past 4 years i've just stayed inside my house and my only communication with the outside is the phone,internet,or visiting my mom by having her come pick me up for a weekend..now its easy of course to talk to someone on the internet for me...but on the phone i'm so nervous i just want to hang up on the person. if i talk to my family members (as in mom and dad or brothers/sister) then i'm fine..but if it's friends i usually tremble and want to stop speaking to them out of fear. also at school i am usually quiet and a girl that i've known since 4th grade came up to me and said "you're so anti social. you never talk to anyone. thats not good" i'm in 9th grade by the way. just transfered to a good school...the school i went to from 7th-9th grade was hell. anyone you communicate with there was rude and beat you up when the teachers weren't around. so i remained to stop the fighting by fighting back but without words...you get what i mean i bet. however,i've dealt with this "fear" since i was around 8 or so.

i'm afraid to talk to girls because i'm a shy guy (hence the name).
at the school i mentioned before (that i went to in 7th-9th grade)
i was called "fag" and "queer" just because i had long hair...not shoulder length of course but like....marty mcflyish hair ;)

thanks for reading and thanks in advance.

-shyguy177
 
#2
i'll also add:
i've taken the anxiety and self esteem test on queendom.com
because i'm too shy to get one from a doctor and my results were :

anxiety test
score : 85

According to your score on the Anxiety Test, you are quite anxious - more so than most people around you. Your anxiety seems to have become problematic in your day-to-day life. It could be holding you back from doing necessary things, putting a damper on experiences that have the potential to be wonderful, or causing some problems in your relationships. The good news, though, is that you can change. Step one on the road to recovery is realizing that suffering from anxiety is not your fault. And know that you are not alone - a large percentage of people suffer from various degrees of anxiety. Consider talking to a professional who can help you get over your anxious feelings.

self esteem test
score : 18

This likely comes as no surprise to you, but you have very low self-esteem. Your answers on the test showed a lot of doubt about your own abilities, lack of self-love and some attitudes and beliefs that are contributing to your confidence problem. Essentially, you've got yourself trapped in a vicious circle; if you believe that you cannot do something, your belief causes you to think and behave in a way that leads to your eventual failure. Chances are that you are quite frustrated with this situation and would like to change. Self-esteem, after all, is key to happiness and success. If you don't believe in yourself, how will you find the courage to pursue the career you desire, form healthy relationships or find your place in the world? The good news is that you can work on building your sense of worth… and you can start right now, today. There is a wide range of resources available out there on the subject, or you might even want to contact a therapist if you're not sure you can tackle it on your own. You'll certainly be glad you made the effort.
 
#3
hello shyguy177

you've described some of the common symptoms struggled with as a result of social anxiety.
you've also described the most common method of dealing with the situations that terrify us, that being avoidance. isolation is a comfort to our panic and anxiety but it's also a millstone around our necks in that it robs us of life.
one thing to bear in mind is that left untreated, social anxiety generally gets worse. you are not yet 15. you have time to turn your life around. you are self-aware and have stumbled upon a great revelation - that you have social anxiety, that such a thing exists and that others exist who suffer in many of the same ways that you do. that is powerful knowledge to have - all you need to do now is to figure out how you're going to deal with that knowlege, what you're going to do.
reading between the lines of your post, it appears evident that there are certain things you'd like to do, so you have motivation and most importantly of all, you have hope. what you need to do is ensure your motivation does not play second fiddle to your fears and anxieties and eventually become lost altogether. you've got to want things to change.
i have isolation and avoidance down to a fine art - i can tell you it's a life which doesn't become sweeter with time.

take care.
 
#4
may i also add :

my siblings have insulted me my whole life and most of the time i'm around my older brother we just fight and say harmful things to each other..so hes usually out of the house doing something..as for my sister,shes become mature and has figured out name calling is bad. for some reason i've also always thought of myself as unappealing. i mean i just look in the mirror thinking negative thoughts but my friends say i'm a "cutie pie".....and i'm "cute".......compliments like that but i never have believed them..

from january 5th-9th (monday-friday),i avoided lunch at school because i was too afraid to go get my lunch. i know that seems a bit EXTREME but its true sadly. i'd just go in the cafeteria and sit down by no one. the line is too long anyway...so whenever i get home i tell my dad (whom i'm comfortable to be around of course) that i ate some days and other days i didnt (a lie!!) and just used the excuse "the line was too long and by the time i got something we had to go to 4th hour"....

i also sat in class looking down at my desk or whatever was on it and tried to avoid social interaction because i thought i'd blush or tremble when i spoke....

during the time that we switched classes,another kid who is about 5'11" (i'm 5'7") came up to me 4 times hitting me hard in the crotch or stomach.....therefore causing me to avoid him also and being late to class.
i told my principal about the kid (which was odd since i never "rat" out someone) and i think my problem is now resolved.

i've also been told i walk around the halls as if i'm paranoid..which i find hard to believe.

i've been in relationships that's lasted less than a week. < that was when i could bare society.

my first kiss was from my OWN BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND when i was 12...but hey she was flirting with me every time she seen me so i finally made her stop when she was in my face and our lips touched.
 

MoMo

New member
#5
hey

Hello shy guy.

I'm shy too. Maybe we can talk and hopefully i can help you and maybe you can help me too!! (as well as everyone else) I'm new ...I just joined yesterday. We can all recover together! Yes!

bye for now![/code]
 
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