always paranoid, share a bit

[Gustopher]

i cant even look straight ahead when i walk down the street, for some reason i feel as if everybody watches me. i cant even use cross walks because i feel as if the ppl waiting to go are just looking. i never eat out in public
i dont speak up
i spend 12 hrs a day on the computer when i dont work
sometimes my panic attacks are so bad i convince myself im going to die
i love getting stoned, sometimes it makes things worse but i still love it
im socially awkward as hell

if you wanna share something about urself or relate, go ahead

 

[mikebird]

My life is 24 hours holed-up at home, communicating with the outside world using email, phone, Skype, and forum websites. Because I rarely get to work - the thing I desperately want to do.

I'm just about to get to the supermarket, preferring quiet times.

Walking into town, I get a bit intimidated by strangers in the street. I always spend all that time approaching them at a distance, then looking at or periodically away, when we get close, aware that they will judge me, frowning at me. I look into their eyes neutrally, or with a bit of smile. I walk fast ahead of others, moving past slow ones, wondering if I appear unfriendly.

This paranoia may have been caused in early life at 16, when I did get caned a lot. Maybe that was my downfall - educational loss - the underpinnings of life. It was a crucial social peak for me, 16 to 25, with like-minded people, but the effect might have left me now, in a strange, awkward status. My best time of life was LSD. I told myself it might cause a long term damage to my head, but I was sure it was all worth it - a heavenly, entertaining happiness for years. I knew I'd have to cope with it later.

Office lunchtimes are intriguing. I can't speak to peers. I sit in my own corner of selfness. Nothing to say. Lunch is alone in McDonalds, or a park with a sandwich

 

[Little Miss Muffet]

I always feel I have to behave shy, to look down at the floor or people will think I love myself.

I kinda dont want to look well dressed as they will think that that is all I care about.

Yeah the paranoiah goes on and on. If I look at the builders they will think I fancy them- I think they will say something like who would go out with an old dog like you lol

If I talk to a bloke in the office and I havent talked to the other people in there they will think I'm doing it cos I fancy him; but I naturally get on better with blokes.

 

[Little Miss Muffet]

i cant even look straight ahead when i walk down the street, for some reason i feel as if everybody watches me.

What do you think they are thinking?

 

[Gustopher]

-mikebird : haha thats pretty much where im at right now lol, just started my lsd experimenting and i love it

- missmuff :to be exact "they are looking at you" i'll say it to myself 15 times if im walking down a street, and if its backed up which it usually is being in the city i can feel my face turn red and i feel like im gunna sweat myself to death ::. thanks for the posts every1

 

[mikebird]

Yep

I got a signal from a kindred SA World member, after we got linked up... longtime. Always see online. He said something to get chatting, but it didn't happen. I feel a bit better

Don't generally speak to anyone of the same sex on Skype.. but indifferent. Approaching a list of 100 Skypers. It's all about ladies, for me, and has done some magic, getting out of my homeshell, physically, to other countries... that's 5 of 'em, and London is good enuff for me... for fun. The only one who was willing to eventually strip off, bit by piece... to the end, lying down, giggling. Bless video

It got me doing the rounds and calling others, so achieved a score of rejected

It's the truth of life. I've been waiting for a reason from someone, so I've had to keep all my own spiralling possibilities in my head

I had some positive content to blurt out. Maybe half nine in UK is not the best time. I'm used to those who compromise like me... let me see... Bangkok, Verbania, South Africa, San Diego, Shengzhou... bewildered spelling

SKYPE is LORD of ALL!! email comes second in priority. Then such a web forum posting. Dating website? dead, although it has certainly worked. Finally, being harassed by anonymous phone calls is getting close to hell. And the saddest of all method on the planet - blingly jangly gleaming little PHONE. Tink squeak in da ear.

Studio quality mic and camera, listening to floorstanding speakers and hi-grade amp do work well, with free software.

The preferred telecomms methods of the middle paragraph are for plankton-based life, requiring a hand to use

 

[Foxface]

i cant even look straight ahead when i walk down the street, for some reason i feel as if everybody watches me. i cant even use cross walks because i feel as if the ppl waiting to go are just looking. i never eat out in public
i dont speak up
i spend 12 hrs a day on the computer when i dont work
sometimes my panic attacks are so bad i convince myself im going to die
i love getting stoned, sometimes it makes things worse but i still love it
im socially awkward as hell

if you wanna share something about urself or relate, go ahead

I can look stright a head, but I often observe everything.

I feel like I'm under the microscope a lot, so awkward in a world full of normal people, so I act like a robot, in a way, not showing any emotions at all.