Alcohol a crutch for dating

[relaxed_attention]

I met a guy and we hung out 3 times last week. He’s perfect…confident (in a band), intelligent, founder of an organization to help the environment in our community, tall & attractive. The problem is when I drink alcohol, my SA goes away so he doesn’t know the entire me. He thinks I’m this perfect angel. And although I know that person is a part of who I am, he doesn’t know the girl doubled over in gut churning pain at the thought of running into someone I know at the grocery store, ect. The thought of me running into him without being in the right frame of mind is so upsetting. I can’t come out & tell him anything of what I’m going through b/c I don’t want to tarnish the vision he has of me. This is so terrible and I know I can’t maintain this friendship. He’s been calling me asking me to dinner, concerts, breakfast for the past few days and I can’t even return his phone calls. But I will tell you this…this situation has completely motivated me to get better. I am going to see a therapist specializing in SA, get on medication, meditate, start positive thinking, visualizations, ect. I’m reading books about it right now. I can’t live this way any longer. I need to start living a real life. I know I have so many positive traits, but they are masked by this Beast. I have graduated from college…can’t work, live alone on my credit cards to be away from critical family members, lost all my friends (I used to be the Homecoming Queen). I don’t know what has happened to me but I will make it out. My goal is to see significant improvements by the new year. Do you think this can be done? If not, what’s a more reasonable timeline. I know everyone differs. I just want your opinion…your guesstimation.

 

[redlady]

My therapist told me that it may take as long as a couple of years, but that's me. You know you have a very positive attitude and seem quite resolute so that will definately make a difference. Seek therapy bacause this 'Beast' is a tricky bastard - see what they have to say. I'm sure with your attitude you will do just fine.

 

[abc1234]

i am man on a mission to make this place fun again who here wants to make this place some where to come to seek advice and just be silly i know i do i mean everyone needs to blow off some steam or just vent every once and a while but their should be more fun and positve things on here

 

[lostboi]

Well it sounds like your on the right track with the therapy and the visualizations.
I hear that the visualizations, hypnotherapy and the like can do wonders. Do let us all know how things are going. I'm new here and I really want to see people get better not only for them selves but because it might motivate me. Good luck!

 

[JJenny]

Hi relaxed attention
I enjoyed your post, thank you.
Although I've suffered from social phobia and such like in the past I've never actually not attracted the opposite sex and it also has confused me. They told me, tell me ( I've been with the last guy I met for 18 years ) that when they first met me all they could see was the essense of me, the spark, the true me underneath all the insecurities and masks, so I think this is groovy. So don't consider and place all your energy on the fact they don't know the real you, it's part of your special make=up and no doubtedly your specialness too, even if it's a bit imbalanced toward you internally feeling wounded and not able to be whole. You're probably a Gem shining in the pool. What I find so incredibly amusing is that one the men that sought me ought across the room was a medical student who later became a psychiatrist and later the one I ended up with sharing my life with, a psychologist. They loved me, for all that I was and am but the most important thing they told me.....they could feel and see my potential and honoured my pain and journey. Everything's Okay! Don't worry, be happy

 

[opinionated_m]

old post

this is old post but I had to relate bc thats what I've been going through. I have been using alchohal as a crutch just to feel normal. the guys I date are often alchohalics & have problems themselves. but i also have been very open w them all about my relapse of SA & the neck tension. I talk about a lot w them.. life everything.
i'm attractive... but ya none of those relationships lasted. and of course drinking like i was is horrible for you. & I did have to wake up in the morning sober w them after spending the night. it was very uncomfortable & I didn't stick around long to talk, just got my phone/keys & stuff & left pretty fast. lol
i'd actually rather not date until I can do it sober rather than put myself through that anymore. depends on what kind of SA you are going through (some is more challenging than others) but if they guy is willing to stick around & make you comfortable... it can be helpful. Either way the work starts with yourself. & overcoming your SA just like healing from a relationship before jumping into another one.
i've planned on not dating until I start to overcome this enough to where I can date confidently w/out drinking.... like I used to before i had the relapse of anxiety (noticeable neck tension)...

 

[YankeeBob]

drinking issues

one of the things I often hear in an AA meeting ( my brother is a recoverying alcoholic ; and I go to Al Anon meetings an AA meetings ) is young women....well they are in their 30s./late 20s......

and they get up to speak.....

their story is usually....." i lacked self esteem, self confidence....so when I had my first drink I changed. I felt free."

they then talk about becoming addicted to booze. it starts off an occasional drink, then weekend binges, but it never stops .

because they say they run from some problem ( themselves usually ) and booze is the only thing that helps.

I have heard women in an AA meeting talk about being promiscuous when they have been drinking. Doing sexual things with men that they then forgot, or wanted to forget.

Now....this post is just my experience. Its just some words.

You may however want to look around your family , including your grand parents and see if alcoholism has been a secret elephant in the living room.

In my family, my mother's father was an alkie.

My father's younger brother was an alkie.

And my younger brother was an alkie.

Of course, "they only drank to make themselves feel happy. Problem was they could not stop at one ....could they."

Take care. Be well.